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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher crossed a line

205 replies

Batshitcrazy82 · 04/06/2021 11:37

My dd is in year 6 and she has recently started having counselling for complicated grief, originally over the phone but she had her 1st face to face session the day before the end of term, she missed a hour of school and just told her friends she had a appointment. On the last day of term she asked her teacher for a pen and her teacher replied in front of the whole class "no because when you left for your counselling session yesterday you left a lid off" my daughter is really upset as she doesn't want her private business broadcast to a class full of children. I feel this is a safeguarding issue a d have messaged the headteacher but have had no reply. Aibu to be so angry
Over this?

OP posts:
feckwit · 04/06/2021 17:09

You are right to raise this. When my son attempted suicide and was in hospital severely ill, I contacted my then 13 year old daughter’s school to tell them. They then sent an email to staff who were teaching her to let them know she might be upset and to be aware that her brother had attempted suicide and was seriously ill in hospital. She was sitting in class in the afternoon doing some work and the teacher at the front clicked on his emails and hadn’t disconnected his laptop from the interactive whiteboards at the front. The email came up on the screen and the class all read it before somebody alerted the teacher. Awful for my daughter.

SadieCow · 04/06/2021 17:21

@MrMucker if she had had a pen this wouldn't have happened.

Why are you blaming the victim here?

Isn't this along the lines of....

If the young girl hadn't of been walking alone at night in an unsavoury part of town, she wouldn't be raped and murdered.

If the boy hadn't lost his bus pass he wouldn't have been walking home and got killed by the hit and run driver.

If the wife had not forgotten to take her husbands suit to the cleaner, he wouldn't have got angry and slapped her.

People are not angry and calling you out for what you are because you disagree with the OP, it because you are blaming the victim in this.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

SadieCow · 04/06/2021 17:23

@MrMucker if you hadn't made such a crass, victim blaming and nasty comment, you wouldn't be getting called on the names you are.........

itsgettingwierd · 04/06/2021 17:30

It's a confidentiality issue.

She has breached this.

It is absolutely not allowed to announce someone's private medical information to a room full of people.

I would be asking the HT directly what training they will be providing to staff with regards upholding confidentiality.

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/06/2021 18:21

@TeddingtonTrashbag

And the HT should respond to a safeguarding issue! HT job is not public sector office hours! I would contact the DSO at the LA.
Do you think Heads should be checking and responding to e-mails during half-term? Do you check and respond to e-mails when you're on holiday?
KarmaStar · 04/06/2021 18:22

Very wrong.
But safeguarding issue? Ott.

TeddingtonTrashbag · 04/06/2021 18:54

Do you think Heads should be checking and responding to e-mails during half-term?
Heads should and do. This one is a lazy fecker at best. No wonder s/he has shoddy staff.

Zzelda · 04/06/2021 19:16

All this because I quite correctly stated that if she had had her own pen, none of this would have happened. I'm not sure what is wrong with that statement. It is logic. It is not blame

It isn't logic in the context of a situation where you know full well that the child isn't allowed to bring her own pen in, @MrMucker. And, in that context, not only is it a totally pointless and illogical thing to say, but it is clearly a deliberate attempt to divert attention from the teacher's blatant lack of professionalism.

Zzelda · 04/06/2021 19:17

Do you think Heads should be checking and responding to e-mails during half-term?

Well, yes, given that that is literally part of what they are paid to do.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/06/2021 19:27

@Zzelda

Do you think Heads should be checking and responding to e-mails during half-term?

Well, yes, given that that is literally part of what they are paid to do.

Not really. They get holidays just like everyone else. Of course, many many heads work through their holidays,emails,phonecalls, SS etc. However, if the teacher was unavailable for a discussion/investigation to happen all the Head could do was to send a generic "Thank you for letting me know,I'll look into this" email which might've been nice but of no use to OP.

It's better to wait and send a more comprehensive message.

TeddingtonTrashbag · 04/06/2021 19:32

Thank you for letting me know,I'll look into this" email which might've been nice but of no use to OP.
This is basic courtesy-in any other organisation would be the minimum expectation

FAQs · 04/06/2021 19:40

@Batshitcrazy82 your poor child, I understand, my daughter has had grief counselling, no one died, it covers much more than that scenario and for it to be mentioned in class prompts inquisitive classmates asking questions, questions a year 6 isn’t equipped to answer, it can be awkward, embarrassing and they should never be put in that position.

For those saying it isn’t a safeguarding issue, grief can also cover situations which means a parent is absence, for a variety of reasons, many of which can be for safeguarding reasons.

Stevenage689 · 04/06/2021 19:40

@TeddingtonTrashbag

Thank you for letting me know,I'll look into this" email which might've been nice but of no use to OP. This is basic courtesy-in any other organisation would be the minimum expectation
No it's not.

I emailed my landlord at 6pm on a Friday. I got a reply at 10am Monday. This was completely understandable.

I emailed a social worker during their annual leave. I got an automated reply, telling me that I could contact the emergency duty team on X number or wait until their return from annual leave.

Getting angry because a headteacher is entitled to annual leave is unproductive.

As for the OP's problem, she seems to be taking a perfect approach - a written complaint, to be followed up in person if no satisfactory response by the end of the first working day back after half term.

It really isn't acceptable - it was either done out of some kind of spite, or was a very poorly judged "throwaway comment." It should not have happened. I hope your daughter is OK, OP.

roguetomato · 04/06/2021 19:46

@FunTimes2020, please read my second post. I have already apologised for misreading op, right after my first comment.

Spanglemum · 04/06/2021 19:48

If you don't get anywhere with the Head, complain to the head of Governors.

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/06/2021 20:33

@Zzelda

Do you think Heads should be checking and responding to e-mails during half-term?

Well, yes, given that that is literally part of what they are paid to do.

How many jobs require people to respond to work e-mails while they're on holiday?
SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/06/2021 20:46

All this because I quite correctly stated that if she had had her own pen, none of this would have happened. I'm not sure what is wrong with that statement. It is logic. It is not blame

OK imagine you forget to pick up milk during the big shop, you walk to the corner shop to get some and get run over by a drunk driver on the way there. How would you feel if I said 'well if you hadn't forgotten the milk in the first place you wouldn't have been run down'

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/06/2021 20:47

@dapsnotplimsolls
Loads of jobs, particularly those in leadership require you to check in with your email. A headteacher wouldn't usually be expected to take all school holidays as their personal holiday in any case.

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/06/2021 20:55

[quote SaltAndVinegarSandwiches]@dapsnotplimsolls
Loads of jobs, particularly those in leadership require you to check in with your email. A headteacher wouldn't usually be expected to take all school holidays as their personal holiday in any case.[/quote]
I'm sure most Heads do check their email during the school holidays but I'm not sure they should be expected to nor should they be expected to respond unless there is an urgent issue eg a child has tested positive for Covid. I agree with a PP that a generic 'I'll follow this up' email wouldn't have been a bad idea and action of some kind should certainly be taken in this case. I just resent the idea that Heads should be at people's beck and call during the school holidays.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/06/2021 20:57

@dapsnotplimsolls To be fair in this case I wouldn't necessarily expect a proper response (although perhaps an acknowledgement) since presumably they'll need to meet with the teacher who will be on holiday.

HowManyToes · 04/06/2021 21:09

Teachers are human and make mistakes BUT you need to be a special kind of stupid to think that it’s acceptable to reveal a child’s counselling to the rest of the class! I’d be appalled if one of my colleagues did this and some sort of formal disciplinary would be a certainty in my school.

As a side point I can’t understand why some teachers start frothing at the mouth when a kid doesn’t have a pen - just give them a fucking pen and let them get on with it!

TheChiefJo · 04/06/2021 21:10

[quote SaltAndVinegarSandwiches]@dapsnotplimsolls To be fair in this case I wouldn't necessarily expect a proper response (although perhaps an acknowledgement) since presumably they'll need to meet with the teacher who will be on holiday.[/quote]
It's a shame the HT hasn't discovered OOF automatic replies that tell people when you'll be back to read their email.

TheChiefJo · 04/06/2021 21:10

*OOO replies

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/06/2021 21:17

@HowManyToes

Teachers are human and make mistakes BUT you need to be a special kind of stupid to think that it’s acceptable to reveal a child’s counselling to the rest of the class! I’d be appalled if one of my colleagues did this and some sort of formal disciplinary would be a certainty in my school.

As a side point I can’t understand why some teachers start frothing at the mouth when a kid doesn’t have a pen - just give them a fucking pen and let them get on with it!

Most of the time is because the teachers have bought the pens themselves with their own money, or even if they are bought by the school a class that is overall irresponsible and has no respect for resources (I have one this year) takes it's toll after a while and the costs still add up, especially if you have to justify it.

It's irrelevant to this situation though. No matter what a child does , such a breach of privacy is unacceptable.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/06/2021 21:18

@MrMucker so if you make a mistake at work before leaving for a medical appointment would you consider acceptable for your boss to then pull you out on it and tell all your coworkers what the appointment was for?

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