Teacher crossed a line

[Batshitcrazy82]

My dd is in year 6 and she has recently started having counselling for complicated grief, originally over the phone but she had her 1st face to face session the day before the end of term, she missed a hour of school and just told her friends she had a appointment. On the last day of term she asked her teacher for a pen and her teacher replied in front of the whole class "no because when you left for your counselling session yesterday you left a lid off" my daughter is really upset as she doesn't want her private business broadcast to a class full of children. I feel this is a safeguarding issue a d have messaged the headteacher but have had no reply. Aibu to be so angry
Over this?

That is really awful.

I'd have probably just had a quiet word with the teacher.

Totally unprofessional.
Snd it is a safeguarding issue because your daughter has been made yo feel unsafe in school and could now be the victim of bullying as a direct result of that teacher’s appalling and crass action.

And the HT should respond to a safeguarding issue! HT job is not public sector office hours!
I would contact the DSO at the LA.

I'm so sorry, this is unacceptable. My son attempted suicide earlier this year and none of his peers know about his suicide attempt or his counselling sessions. The 2 children from his year who he told at the time were told by staff that they were not to mention it to any other pupils and also offered support and counselling .

What kid has been told "no, don't bring in your own stuff

Our kids are allowed to bring a water bottle and their packed lunch. Nothing else. DD has many fine new pencil cases she bought which she is dying to show off but they aren’t allowed.

I think I'm more annoyed as I called the school straight away as I was at work and messaged the heAdteacher before 4pm on the Friday and nothing but then I'm also not surprised as she seems to get away with being complained about all the time, but if I haven't heard anything my end of day Monday I will be going into to the school at the end of day.

@Sillawithans

I'd have probably just had a quiet word with the teacher.

In these specific circumstances I would go straight to whoever the teacher reports to. The damage is done, what would be gained by talking to the teacher?

There are far more ten year olds likely to make stuff up if they have been told off at school than there are teachers likely to breach confidentiality.

If you speak to counsellors working in schools you’d find that it’s a very tricky boundary to maintain. Some teachers really don’t get the sensitivity and confidentiality inherent in counselling and it happening in schools can blur that boundary. I’ve heard of children being called out in front of the class to attend their session, teachers asking counsellors to share what’s been said in sessions, teachers asking counsellors to raise issues with pupils in counselling so no, I don’t think it’s likely the OPs daughter is lying about the teacher talking to her about it in class.

Counselling provision in school settings is a relatively new initiative and it’s not entirely problem free.

It’s equivalent to a staff member accessing counselling through their EAP, attending the session at their workplace, returning to their desk immediately afterwards (which in itself is problematic) and then their manager telling their colleagues where they’ve been. As an adult I’d be furious, no different for children.

@roguetomato

Wait, so she's having a counselling session with class teacher during class time? How does that work?

Just to say her counselling isn't in the school and has nothing to do with the school.

It doesn’t sound like a slip to me. This teacher didn’t snap out a response without engaging her brain. She carefully remembered which child she was speaking too and the fact about that child and the pen lid, so I don’t believe she mentioned the counselling by accident. She was either getting a dig in because she doesn’t like counselling, or she was purposely revealing private information.

It’s not acceptable at all. YADNBU. I hope your daughter is ok.

Just to say her counselling isn't in the school and has nothing to do with the school.

That makes it worse tbh, absolutely no reason for the teacher to mention why she was absent from class.

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair if the damage is done then what is the point of talking to the head teacher?
I'd talk to the teacher directly myself and take it from there.

It really is worth complaining every single time - schools have to build a dossier in order to get rid of teachers who are not up to the job, it's not that easy to get rid of people - even if they are terrible at teaching. Breaching confidentiality is serious and should be noted.

One job I had involved managing a team of Adult Ed tutors, and HR were very clear that I had to continue to employ one bloke, despite multiple complaints. It was a nightmare, but he never did anything that in itself HR thought to be serious enough to start any dismissal process.

@MrMucker

Returning, I think my point has been completely missed, and because I am not instantly onside with OP I am called an arsehole, an idiot, a stranger to how schools work, a "white man" (er..eh?) and wanging for a fight. All this because I quite correctly stated that if she had had her own pen, none of this would have happened. I'm not sure what is wrong with that statement. It is logic. It is not blame. In actual fact, I am none of the things suggested, I have simply reflected on the fact that this is a ten or eleven y/o person. OP was not there, but the child was, and the child was told "no" to a pen and sort of told off, and therefore was unhappy about this. We only know what child has told OP, not what the teacher said, so it is up to OP to inquire rather than grumble. In my experience it is far more likely that this kid pre empted the sort of outrage and simply made up what the teacher said. Again, this is simply likelihood. There are far more ten year olds likely to make stuff up if they have been told off at school than there are teachers likely to breach confidentiality. The only reason I say this is that all the posts assume that the teacher did actually say this. But in context, it was a child who had been told off for something, reporting it to a parent who is prepared to jump on this sort of thing. So yeah, it is true, if they had had a pen, or if it pleases you, if they had lidded yesterday's pen, then none of this would be under discussion. It's logic, not blame, please stop being outraged and sweary at me. It is logic.

This is the same logic rape apologists use to victim blame.

If everyone stayed at home, there would be no pedestrians run over either.

Ffs.

[quote Sillawithans]@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair if the damage is done then what is the point of talking to the head teacher?
I'd talk to the teacher directly myself and take it from there.[/quote]
Because the teacher can't discipline or sanction herself, there needs to be some form of intervention from above. All the teacher can do is apologise, what good is that?

Teacher crossed a line and she knew it. I’d take this to the top. Make sure you get an outcome that is fair to your daughter. Her sensitive and personal information has been shared deliberately and maliciously.

@MrMucker if there were no animals there would be no animal cruelty. So, if we kill all the animals in the world it will be better. It's just logic, innit?

@Lemmeout

It’s not a safeguarding issue. I can’t really see what the big deal is. Counselling is not a weakness or a defect. It’s strength to say, I’m struggling, I need help please.

Breaching medical confidentiality is never acceptable - even when it’s a child’s confidentiality.

Now as well as the issues that have led to the counselling the child is likely going to have to deal with her peers asking questions.

@Jellycatspyjamas

There are far more ten year olds likely to make stuff up if they have been told off at school than there are teachers likely to breach confidentiality.

If you speak to counsellors working in schools you’d find that it’s a very tricky boundary to maintain. Some teachers really don’t get the sensitivity and confidentiality inherent in counselling and it happening in schools can blur that boundary. I’ve heard of children being called out in front of the class to attend their session, teachers asking counsellors to share what’s been said in sessions, teachers asking counsellors to raise issues with pupils in counselling so no, I don’t think it’s likely the OPs daughter is lying about the teacher talking to her about it in class.

Counselling provision in school settings is a relatively new initiative and it’s not entirely problem free.

It’s equivalent to a staff member accessing counselling through their EAP, attending the session at their workplace, returning to their desk immediately afterwards (which in itself is problematic) and then their manager telling their colleagues where they’ve been. As an adult I’d be furious, no different for children.

Absolutely. The teacher was out of line here.

Not ok, but to encourage your daughter- I do school based work that is similarly cnfidential and I don't think children have the same hang ups about therapy etc as adults. I often have children who I don't know coming and asking if they can come to sessions as they see it as a treat that some children get to go to!

@MrMucker

Of course none of this would be under discussion if she'd had a pen.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

Are you a teacher @MrMucker?

@Batshitcrazy82

Just to say her counselling isn't in the school and has nothing to do with the school.

Since it is an outside appointment it' seems sadly even less likely that the teacher said it accidentally. .

@Lemmeout

It’s not a safeguarding issue.
I can’t really see what the big deal is.
Counselling is not a weakness or a defect.
It’s strength to say, I’m struggling, I need help please.

It doesn't have to be a weakness to be considered private. There's nothing wrong with my naked body but I don't want all my work colleagues to see it. OP's DD should be proud to have reached out for help with counselling. That doesn't mean she wants to field questions from curious 10 year olds or that she doesn't deserve privacy.