Teacher crossed a line

[Batshitcrazy82]

My dd is in year 6 and she has recently started having counselling for complicated grief, originally over the phone but she had her 1st face to face session the day before the end of term, she missed a hour of school and just told her friends she had a appointment. On the last day of term she asked her teacher for a pen and her teacher replied in front of the whole class "no because when you left for your counselling session yesterday you left a lid off" my daughter is really upset as she doesn't want her private business broadcast to a class full of children. I feel this is a safeguarding issue a d have messaged the headteacher but have had no reply. Aibu to be so angry
Over this?

I think sometimes teachers forget that they are privy to private information which they must keep confidential, so they end up spouting stuff to the whole class when they absolutely shouldnt. I dont know why so many seem to think that children's privacy doesnt matter, or doesnt apply in the classroom. When I was in primary school, there were a few teachers who seemed to do it on purpose because they enjoyed the embarrassment it caused the child. I'd have thought things had moved on since then.

I hope your daughter receives an apology from.the teacher, and you get assurances that the head teacher is taking it seriously.

@MrMucker

I think swearing at me, calling me an arsehole, and generally reacting with venom to what is a logical point is not likely to impact on what I have said. If the kid had her own pen it wouldn't have been said. This is true. And yes, kids are meant to have their own pens at the minute more than ever. What kid has been told "no, don't bring in your own stuff, we have funds to give a new pen each lesson, each day and to each kid"? The more subtle point, is the question of how parent knows for sure what has been said? It can only be what the child has reported, and if the child has been pulled up for not respecting the property she was lent the day before. It is quite imaginable that what she conveyed to parent was not necessarily the words used by teacher. The outrage on here is just another teacher bash. Instead of going in all guns blazing, OP has the option of finding out what was said, rather than reacting to their assumption of what was said.

I don't think saying any of this makes me "an arsehole".

Oh stop it. Your post was extremely obnoxious, insensitive and actually cruel in the circumstances.

If you behave like a nasty piece of work, and hen get called names well boodeehooohoo. Won't shed any tears for you. Pfft.

Hope this gets sorted op. You've had good advice on here and it is a privacy issue and an incredibly dense mistake for the teacher to have made.

It is a blatant GDPR breach. The school need to self refer to the ICO.

@Getawaywithit

You dont get to have stupid slips when you are privy to confidential information about people, you absolutely dont get to share that confidential information with their peers. She needs to be treated just like anyone else in a position of trust breaching confidentiality; with an investigation and then disciplinary. It is not just a silly slip.

I agree - it's not just a silly slip.

Could have massive implications. Really sorry- teacher should have known better. And if they don't then they need retraining.

Returning, I think my point has been completely missed, and because I am not instantly onside with OP I am called an arsehole, an idiot, a stranger to how schools work, a "white man" (er..eh?) and wanging for a fight. All this because I quite correctly stated that if she had had her own pen, none of this would have happened. I'm not sure what is wrong with that statement. It is logic. It is not blame.
In actual fact, I am none of the things suggested, I have simply reflected on the fact that this is a ten or eleven y/o person. OP was not there, but the child was, and the child was told "no" to a pen and sort of told off, and therefore was unhappy about this. We only know what child has told OP, not what the teacher said, so it is up to OP to inquire rather than grumble.
In my experience it is far more likely that this kid pre empted the sort of outrage and simply made up what the teacher said. Again, this is simply likelihood. There are far more ten year olds likely to make stuff up if they have been told off at school than there are teachers likely to breach confidentiality.
The only reason I say this is that all the posts assume that the teacher did actually say this. But in context, it was a child who had been told off for something, reporting it to a parent who is prepared to jump on this sort of thing.
So yeah, it is true, if they had had a pen, or if it pleases you, if they had lidded yesterday's pen, then none of this would be under discussion.
It's logic, not blame, please stop being outraged and sweary at me. It is logic.

I’ve been a safeguarding lead in a school, and this isn’t a SG issue. However it’s not acceptable at all and the teacher is way out of line for broadcasting that. A lot of year 6 teachers are simply very unpleasant people.

To all the people saying the teacher made a mistake, it's been a tough year. This doesn't sound like a mistake. It sounds deliberate and vindictive, intended to humiliate. I would raise merry hell. The teacher could have said 'when you left early yesterday'. There was no need to mention the counselling.

@FangsForTheMemory

To all the people saying the teacher made a mistake, it's been a tough year. This doesn't sound like a mistake. It sounds deliberate and vindictive, intended to humiliate. I would raise merry hell. The teacher could have said 'when you left early yesterday'. There was no need to mention the counselling.

I think it could have been a slip of the tongue, but equally it could be old fashioned prejudice and weaponisation of the word "counselling", to get in a dig for some bizarre reason. Impossible to say which and I'm sure it was the former. But since there's already been a poster insisting it was this child's fault for not having a pen and then changing tactic and saying she must be making it all up ...well, nothing surprises me. There are some utter twats around who blame young children for adults' mistakes. But either way, it needs to be addressed with the school, so think op has done the right thing and I really hope it gets sorted. I am not "that parent" normally, but I think I would be a bit vocal about this tbh.

@MrMucker

Returning, I think my point has been completely missed, and because I am not instantly onside with OP I am called an arsehole, an idiot, a stranger to how schools work, a "white man" (er..eh?) and wanging for a fight. All this because I quite correctly stated that if she had had her own pen, none of this would have happened. I'm not sure what is wrong with that statement. It is logic. It is not blame. In actual fact, I am none of the things suggested, I have simply reflected on the fact that this is a ten or eleven y/o person. OP was not there, but the child was, and the child was told "no" to a pen and sort of told off, and therefore was unhappy about this. We only know what child has told OP, not what the teacher said, so it is up to OP to inquire rather than grumble. In my experience it is far more likely that this kid pre empted the sort of outrage and simply made up what the teacher said. Again, this is simply likelihood. There are far more ten year olds likely to make stuff up if they have been told off at school than there are teachers likely to breach confidentiality. The only reason I say this is that all the posts assume that the teacher did actually say this. But in context, it was a child who had been told off for something, reporting it to a parent who is prepared to jump on this sort of thing. So yeah, it is true, if they had had a pen, or if it pleases you, if they had lidded yesterday's pen, then none of this would be under discussion. It's logic, not blame, please stop being outraged and sweary at me. It is logic.

So in the scenario you’ve conjured up from thin air, the child is to be victim blamed for not bringing her own pen and therefore deserving to be outed for attending counselling? You sound anything but logical pet. Maybe sit this one out.

Same TortoiseShed

@MrMucker

Of course none of this would be under discussion if she'd had a pen.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

You great big turd.

@MrMucker I've just read your 'update' you really are bizarre. What an odd way to think and blame the child.

I’m a teacher and hate the teacher-bashing threads I see but I am fully behind the OP on this one. This is appalling from the class teacher. Where is the empathy for the child? Yes teachers have had it tough this year but so have many, many others and common sense, discretion and kindness shouldn’t have gone out of the window.

OP, I hope your DD has a good day back at school on Monday and no one says anything to her. I hope the HT gets in touch with you and ensures this won’t be happening again.

Christ. Imagine being @MrMucker and believing that a ten year old child who is experiencing unspeakable grief, to the point of needing counselling, should be told off for forgetting to put a lid on a fucking pen and then humiliated in front of their entire class, not to mention having their confidentiality breached in such a casual manner, and then accused of lying and making a rather serious accusation against a teacher. I really wouldn't expect this little girl to give a fig about a fucking pen. But of course, it's all her fault. She's a careless liar who doesn't remember or respect pens.

It’s not a safeguarding issue.
I can’t really see what the big deal is.
Counselling is not a weakness or a defect.
It’s strength to say, I’m struggling, I need help please.

It’s not humiliating! Ffs no wonder people suffer, yes suffer with mental ill health when people think counselling is humiliating!

@Lemmeout

It’s not a safeguarding issue. I can’t really see what the big deal is. Counselling is not a weakness or a defect. It’s strength to say, I’m struggling, I need help please.

It's not your decision to make, though, is it? You can't see the big deal about a grieving child not wanting to be made to feel even more different from her peers? To be singled out in front of her class? To have personal, confidential information about her mental health shared with the entire class in such a casual way? Would you be happy for your doctor to share your medical information with your colleagues whom they bumped into at the pub?

No counselling is not anything to be ashamed of, but that doesn't give anyone the right to broadcast the fact she is having counselling to the whole class.

How would you feel, for example, if your boss told your team at work that you forgot to switch off the smart board when you had to nip off for that appointment at [somewhere like a] fertility clinic last week, so no you can't use the conference room today?

Is fertility treatment anything to be ashamed of? Of course not! You might share that info with your team yourself. But would you be ok with your boss saying that in front of your team at work or would you think that was a breach of privacy?

The teacher was out of order. This a school environment. As we all know children can be cruel and this could lead to bullying. But that aside what this poor child is going through is bad enough and if she wishes to keep her counselling private that is her call. I totally agree that seeking help is nothing to be ashamed of but it is a private matter and not for the teacher to announce to all. At the minimum she deserves and apology from the teacher. Teachers are told about confidentiality and are not supposed to break it.

Thank you all I feel better now, the teacher is a nightmare and has been complained about a few times including a couple of weeks ago when she the Gardner a bellend cue 30 year 6 children asking what a bellend is 

@MrMucker my daughter is year 6 so for one doesn't take stationary into school as they are not even allowed there own school bags and as a answer to your question I know this was said as my daughter is not a liar and a few of the mums have contacted my to ask if my daughter is ok as there children told them.

daisyjgrey, again, I have already apologized about misreading OP, 2 comments after my original comment you quoted.
How can you miss my 2 comments close to each other, and quoting my first comment way after I posted both, and tell me to reread? 😁

@MrMucker

I think swearing at me, calling me an arsehole, and generally reacting with venom to what is a logical point is not likely to impact on what I have said. If the kid had her own pen it wouldn't have been said. This is true. And yes, kids are meant to have their own pens at the minute more than ever. What kid has been told "no, don't bring in your own stuff, we have funds to give a new pen each lesson, each day and to each kid"? The more subtle point, is the question of how parent knows for sure what has been said? It can only be what the child has reported, and if the child has been pulled up for not respecting the property she was lent the day before. It is quite imaginable that what she conveyed to parent was not necessarily the words used by teacher. The outrage on here is just another teacher bash. Instead of going in all guns blazing, OP has the option of finding out what was said, rather than reacting to their assumption of what was said.

I don't think saying any of this makes me "an arsehole".

Of course no-one would have called you an arsehole if you hadn't posted a ridiculous response.

cue multiple indignant reasons why that ought not to be relevant

(And I don't think 'logical' means what you think it means because none of your posts have shown any logic!)

This is a dreadful thing to happen to your daughter and hopefully you will hear from the headteacher on Monday. If you have not heard anything by the end of Tuesday l would follow it up. As others have said, hopefully the other children will have forgotten about it over half term, which is what you can say to reassure your daughter.

Bloody hell, wasn't expecting to agree with you from the title but that's a massive slip up from the teacher. It should be fairly obvious that information is confidential. It also seems very petty that she's holding a grudge about something so petty from a week ago, she could have just reminded DD to put the lid on.