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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

488 replies

Dancingbinbags · 03/06/2021 20:01

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

OP posts:
skodadoda · 04/06/2021 07:36

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
So;
  1. Tell him you’re cutting down/giving up work if he won’t do housework or childcare. You might as well be on your own.
  2. As someone else suggested, go out before he goes golfing and leave him to sort DC
SmokeyDevil · 04/06/2021 07:38

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
Jesus just laugh at him and point out it's the children that are meant to be sulking, not the adult. Would he sulk at work if he had to do something he didn't want to do? Doubt it. Would he sulk and have a tantrum in front of his friends at golf because he played badly? Doubt it.

He's playing you so that you'll do as you're told. Treat him like you would treat a 3 year old. Ignore the tantrum. Walk away and leave him to handle the children on his own. If he phones you, ask if one of the kids is dying and if not, hang up. He can deal with it on his own.

gamerchick · 04/06/2021 07:38

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
You could always mention that if you split up you would get time to yourself when the kids are with him.

Seriously, time to get tough. Let the bugger sulk, it's just a way of controlling you and you're about to cave.

Pinchoftums · 04/06/2021 07:39

You are married to a selfish cunt.
Your children are learning this is OK.
You only have one life and you are choosing to spend it with a cunt. Why?

Taliskerskye · 04/06/2021 07:40

Just split up with him. It’s easier.

GabriellaMontez · 04/06/2021 07:43

@Taliskerskye

Just split up with him. It’s easier.
Easily said... but I cant help agreeing. What does this man do for you? Do you really want to spend your life with someone so self centred?
stayathomer · 04/06/2021 07:48

Just split up with him. It’s easier.
Confused Um, bit of an overreaction if you're going solely on this post, isn't it?

IgglePiggleHater · 04/06/2021 07:49

In the short-term, start booking a babysitter for every Saturday that he plays golf so you can go out as well. Pay for it using family money. If he's entitled to that time "off", so are you.

Callmejudith · 04/06/2021 07:50

You have to go on Sunday OP, do not give in to his pathetic sulks.

I would be getting up early and leaving the house so he has zero opportunity to pull any shit

Ugzbugz · 04/06/2021 07:51

He sounds like a pig, pack his gold clubs and his bag and be done with him. He can't be bringing anything to the table.

honeygirlz · 04/06/2021 07:52

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
Sounds like you’re just venting and won’t change anything. I hope you do.
Original poster
Dancingbinbags · 04/06/2021 07:53

Dh would often says - to ds - ‘I’d never stop your mother doing anything.’
However it annoys me that he even says this, because it implies that he could if he wanted to. My parents certainly never spoke to each other in this way.
Also it’s not true. He has stopped me previously and his reluctance to have the dc stops me a lot of the time. Sunday afternoon 2-5 is where we are at the moment 🙄

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 04/06/2021 07:53

I would explain very seriously that you both work equal time so both deserve equal leisure time. He benefits from you working 4 days so on your 5th 'working day' you work in the house and do childcare - which is not leisure time for you. That gives you both 2 days at the weekend to split everything equally. Suggest something that works for you, like each have alternate Saturdays and cook one dinner each weekend (make sure it really is equal and not he gets 3 and you get 1 otherwise that will undermine the message - it has to be a totally fair split). Then do not budge. Laugh at his childish tantrums and tell him that 'When you are accustomed to privilege equality feels like oppression'. Tell him to look you in the eye and explain why you are worth less than him? Why he deserves more than you? Does he think he works harder? is more important? Or is it just because he's greedy and selfish? Because there's some reason he's behaving like this. I'd also point out quite frankly (as I do to my H) that sulking and stropping and making things horrible for the other person to get your own way is coercive and abusive.

He has to believe it, so you have to believe it too.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/06/2021 07:53

@wickedwitchofthedance

Tell him to take the kids to the golf course selfish arsehole he is. I'd wake up early on a Sunday and leave the kids with him, fuck him.

I'd get up early on a SATURDAY and go, leaving the kids with him. He'll just have to give golf a miss, won't he? And I'd keep doing it till he got the message that I'm an autonomous adult, not his unpaid childminder.

C8H10N4O2 · 04/06/2021 07:53

Sorry are you his wife or his house slave?

You have a choice. You can stand your ground and go out on Sunday, and do the same again. Or you can give into the sulking and spend the rest of your life like this.

Noone else can make that choice but you.

Taliskerskye · 04/06/2021 07:54

Just leave
It’s pointless wasting your breath arguing
This is the man you married, this is the man you put up with and this is the man he will stay.

Dddccc · 04/06/2021 07:57

You get an extra day off on the week that technically covers his 2 evening just go out on the Sunday just leave whatever tine you want and come back whenever you want I don't even see the need in asking your dp you don't ask you inform

DrSbaitso · 04/06/2021 07:58

@Dancingbinbags

Dh would often says - to ds - ‘I’d never stop your mother doing anything.’ However it annoys me that he even says this, because it implies that he could if he wanted to. My parents certainly never spoke to each other in this way. Also it’s not true. He has stopped me previously and his reluctance to have the dc stops me a lot of the time. Sunday afternoon 2-5 is where we are at the moment 🙄
But he does stop you. He's stopping you right now. Does he think he's a prince because he doesn't literally chain you to the oven?

Have you asked him how he justifies every Saturday and two evenings a week for himself and absolutely fuck all for you?

DrSbaitso · 04/06/2021 07:59

@Dddccc

You get an extra day off on the week that technically covers his 2 evening just go out on the Sunday just leave whatever tine you want and come back whenever you want I don't even see the need in asking your dp you don't ask you inform
It's four hours. That covers a weekly shop, house hoover and maybe a bathroom clean or a few errands. And he doesn't do any parenting or housework in the week either.
NerrSnerr · 04/06/2021 07:59

Sunday afternoon 2-5 is where we are at the moment

Why are you negotiating with him? He gets all day Saturday so you get all day Sunday. What if you told him he can only do golf from 2-5?

Cocogreen · 04/06/2021 08:02

He's pathetic OP.
Go out on the Sunday.
He says 2-5. Stay out til 7. Or later.

MrsKoala · 04/06/2021 08:03

How many hours is he out Saturday at golf?

Whatever that is I'd insist on for Sunday. Don't settle for 3 hours (in between meal times Hmm ). Will he expect you make lunch for everyone/spend the morning making sure everything they need is there and then come back in time to cook dinner? Because that's not time off.

Veterinari · 04/06/2021 08:03

@Dancingbinbags

Dh would often says - to ds - ‘I’d never stop your mother doing anything.’ However it annoys me that he even says this, because it implies that he could if he wanted to. My parents certainly never spoke to each other in this way. Also it’s not true. He has stopped me previously and his reluctance to have the dc stops me a lot of the time. Sunday afternoon 2-5 is where we are at the moment 🙄
Stop negotiating and tell him that you are entitled to equal leisure time
Treemama · 04/06/2021 08:04

"Sunday afternoon 2-5 is where we are at the moment 🙄"
Sorry I don't understand why you need his permission. That sounds very controlling.

C8H10N4O2 · 04/06/2021 08:04

You are married to a selfish cunt
Your children are learning this is OK

If you can't do it for yourself OP do it for your children. Your sons will learn this behaviour is the way to treat women, your daughters will learn this is the best women can expect.