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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

488 replies

Dancingbinbags · 03/06/2021 20:01

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

OP posts:
YanTanTethera123 · 04/06/2021 06:38

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
So he sulks and gets exactly what he wants because you capitulate? Stuff that. Let him sulk and next week tell him you’re staying with a friend Friday night and away for the weekend having fun with friends.
DrSbaitso · 04/06/2021 06:40

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
Quelle surprise.

What's the point of him?

HeartZone · 04/06/2021 06:42

Show him this thread!

DrSbaitso · 04/06/2021 06:45

@HeartZone

Show him this thread!
Don't do this, it'll make it worse. Might not even be safe.

But do use it as proof that he's an exploitative turd who sees you as a white good who is currently malfunctioning, and consider if this is what you want from your life.

MsF1t · 04/06/2021 06:45

@Aprilwasverywet

How old are dc? Golf clubs come in small sizes...
They come in smaller sizes? Well, that would make for easier insertion, at least...
Fruityfriday · 04/06/2021 06:48

Just text him you are going. He doesn't get to say no. I can't understand why women let men dictate what they do.

DropItBouncer · 04/06/2021 06:49

Why would he think you want 'family time' with him? Confused

I'm absolutely flabbergasted that yon are allowing the one person in the world who is supposed to love you and put you first to tell you that you can't go out once a month? Even the scullery maids used to get an afternoon off once a week.

Billybagpuss · 04/06/2021 06:55

Don’t let this drop, 10 years down the line when you’re back working full time, still fitting in the housework and all the other stuff you will be far more resentful

hellcatspangle · 04/06/2021 06:55

Quite honestly, I'd divorce the twat, at least you'd get every other weekend to yourself. What does he bring to the marriage apart from his chauvinistic attitude?

Ladywinesalot · 04/06/2021 06:57

It’s because he can’t be bothered to deal with HIS DC on the Sunday without you being there.
If he’s so bothered about Family time he wouldn’t fuck off every Saturday.

Muchasgracias · 04/06/2021 07:05

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
It might be easier not to go in the short term, here and now. But you need to look at the long game. You’ll end up miserable in this marriage which is already unequal. Start changing things now if you want to be happy and your marriage to last.

I plan ahead and tell my DH when/where I’m going with reasonable notice. And he’s doesn’t say no, because he’s a reasonable human being. Your DH is a massive twat.

Zzelda · 04/06/2021 07:08

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy.
Sulking now. It’s easier not to go.

Whatever you do, don't give in to childish sulks. Tell him that if he's that bothered about family time he can give up ONE day of golfing and you can have family time on Saturday.

Looubylou · 04/06/2021 07:09

I'm interested to know what he does to entertain everyone during family time? I bet a tenner, family time is him sitting on his arse doing what he likes to do, and having a go at whoever disturbs him.

happytoday73 · 04/06/2021 07:09

You must go... Or it'll never get better.
If you don't go he has won and from now onwards you are just the nagging wife he can say no to and you will do as he says

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 04/06/2021 07:11

Please OP, get it booked, let him sulk. Outrageous that he’s got his wife under some kind of house arrest whilst he swans off every weekend.

Ideally, he’ll realise that you’re not going to be his doormat for the rest of your life and start supporting your right to have your own time with the added bonus of him bonding with his own children (ok, this feels unlikely from what you’ve said).

If not, you’ll know that he’s not going to change. Talk to your friends about it whilst you’re out with them. Gain confidence to arrange more things for yourself. If he can’t handle it, that’s his issue and you’re much better off without him.

IamnotSethRogan · 04/06/2021 07:13

No this is ridiculous. My DH (or intact I) are not perfect but I can never imagine a situation where he tells me I can't go and do something. He plays golf as well (not as much as your DH) and is really grateful that he can go and do this.

My "hobby" is basically going to the pub and he'll give me lifts etc.

He is being incredibly incredibly unreasonable and you shouldn't have to put up with it

ouchmyfeet · 04/06/2021 07:13

If you won't make a change for yourself, think about the example you are both setting for your children.

Morgan12 · 04/06/2021 07:16

Why are you even asking? Your husband said no so that's that. End of. You cannot go.

Ponoka7 · 04/06/2021 07:21

"I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy.
Sulking now. It’s easier not to go."

Many men will say 'I never stopped her from going out', but they make life that difficult that the women don't go anywhere without the children. Don't let him get away with this. One Sunday a month is perfectly reasonable. Once the children get older you'll be back to going out of an evening. Don't lose your friendships.

GabriellaMontez · 04/06/2021 07:22

He's sulking?

Treat him like a sulking 3 year old. Blank him.

TheoMeo · 04/06/2021 07:24

You need to be less of a martyr.
Can you work less, pay a carer/ babysitter - get a cleaner, get a life.
Golf isn't usually cheap as a hobby. Do you get the same to spend on what you enjoy.
If he is golfing so much and working the rest of the time does he actually spend any time with you day to day.
Sort your own life out. Without discussing it or requiring his permission.

SympathyFatigue · 04/06/2021 07:25

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
Whoopi do he's sulking. It'll never get better.

Get up on Sunday. Get ready. And leave the house and see your bloody friends. .

So what will happen? He'll sulk? He'll mope about? The kids will be bored?
Tough shit for him.

I'm sure you'll go back to a shit tip house and whiny kids where he's told them they would have done cool family day stuff if it wasn't for their terrible mother who abandoned them. In that case, think long and hard about why you stay

If he's only nice and not sulking while you follow his drum beat, is that what you want?
You're not his servant.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 04/06/2021 07:30

I don't know how people can be married to selfish twats like this.

McDuffy · 04/06/2021 07:34

Adding to the chorus of wise posters already, but he's cutting off his nose to spite his face, here. He gets four/five weekend days a month, and you get none. You ask for one and he pushes back? He's not playing the long game! If he was smart he'd do half days, and not antagonise his very accommodating wife.

OP I have a massively time consuming hobby that I would love to do every day but I do once a week for 2-3 hours on a weekend day. I overcompensate for that, too, as he should!

InsideNumberNine · 04/06/2021 07:36

Listen to yourself. He's sulking because you're daring to have time to yourself. Do you sulk every Saturday when he buggers off? No you don't.

This is your opportunity to change the dynamic. Follow through and do not back down.