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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

488 replies

Dancingbinbags · 03/06/2021 20:01

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

OP posts:
CassandraTrotter · 03/06/2021 23:18

FUCK the Sunday. Go away for the weekend this weekend. Friday night until Sunday night. Have fun.

Veterinari · 03/06/2021 23:18

He doesn't want family time. He wants you there so he can continue to avoid parenting.

If you aren't there he may actually have to take responsibility for his own offspring. God forbid!

He's idle, a disinterested father and a controlling partner.

Sound shite

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 03/06/2021 23:19

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
Perfect!

Let him sulk away to his hearts content. Just ignore him.

How old are your kids by the way? Roughly is ok.

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 03/06/2021 23:20

I mean absolutely go. You’ve told him you’re going, so make sure you go.

Feedingthebirds1 · 03/06/2021 23:23

Sulking now. It’s easier not to go.

That's why he's sulking, so that you think exactly that. Call his bluff, go anyway. And if he gets nasty, then have a really hard think about what you get out of this marriage.

Get a piece of paper and draw a line down and across the middle so you have four quarters.
Quarter 1 - what you put into the marriage and family
Quarter 2 - what he puts in
Quarter 3 - what benefits you have from being in the relationship
Quarter 4 - what benefits he gets

And when you go out on Sunday (pleeeease go!) leave it on the table for him to see.

billy1966 · 03/06/2021 23:31

Well isn't he a prize🙄

billy1966 · 03/06/2021 23:34

Nasty, sulking, lazy, selfish.

And the point of him is?

Have you considered going it alone?

Doesn't sound like it would e much different.

IMO if you won't go out on sunday because of his sulking, you are in an abusive, controlling relationship.

Get on to Women's Aid and see whatvthey think of the prick you married, who's priority is controlling you and his swing.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 03/06/2021 23:38

Please don't say you're going to let the sulker have his own way. He's a selfish twat who doesn't care if you're happy or not.

pallisers · 03/06/2021 23:44

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.
No it is NOT easier not to go. GO. Let him be unhappy. why his him being unhappy worse than you being unhappy. who died and made him king of anything?

I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg of selfish behaviour in your marriage though - bet he is crap in bed too. so sorry OP. you can either ship him out/split or try to train him into better behaviour (ugh)

maddening · 03/06/2021 23:55

Its either every other Sunday or every other Saturday so he has to give up every other Saturday if he wants to have family time on Sunday.

Lalliella · 04/06/2021 00:16

@Serpenta

DH says no?

Why does DH get to tell you no?

^^ this

You tell him no. See how he likes it.

jackstini · 04/06/2021 00:23

You are definitely not unreasonable but I think you know that

Ask him how he would like to split the weekends FAIRLY. Dying to know what he comes up with...

Do not let his sulking stop you going this week - go, enjoy, do not feel one iota of guilt!!

BabySmuff2021 · 04/06/2021 00:25

Tell him to fuck right off, he’s not your master, he doesn’t get to tell you when you can go out or not.

I regularly bugger off out and just say “bye” to my OH, don’t give him any further information. Sometimes he comes home from work and I’m not home for hours after, he doesn’t even phone or text to see where I am. Sounds like he doesn’t care but he knows where I’ll be most of the time.

You’re damn right if he was getting to do his hobby that often then I’d be out with the girls, CHILD FREE, at least twice a month if not more.

timeisnotaline · 04/06/2021 02:06

It’s easier to go than divorce. Once you’ve gone out message him: you leave us every Saturday and a couple of nights a week. You do nothing at home for us. If you’re going to be nasty about my GOING OUT ONE TIME, then I can’t stay married. Our children and beautiful and don’t deserve to have to put up with you the way I have for so long. I don’t deserve it. If you want to stay you will have to change.

I really really hope you do.

Graphista · 04/06/2021 05:30

Why are you asking permission? You're an adult tell him you ARE allowed down time top! Frankly a man with kids shouldn't be fucking off half the weekend anyway!! If anything at this point if I were you I'd be starting off you have every Sunday to sod off!

are you afraid of him? Do you have reason to be?

Kids will be bored? It seriously won't kill them!

Stop putting yourself bottom of priority list

Tell him that if he continues to be a controlling arsehole then he'll have to give up every other weekend to look after them when you divorce him

This argument is nonsense as men like this don't step up following a split they tend to vanish!

Sulking now. It’s easier not to go.
Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has

Serious question - why the hell are you with him?? He is fuck all use as a husband or father

Sulking/silent treatment is abusive and controlling

To paraphrase another very wise and insightful poster - you're teaching your kids about relationships too. That women are responsible for all the household and childcare jobs and aren't "allowed" any fun and that men can be as lazy as they like, not give a shit about their kids and fuck off when they choose

Doesn't sound like it would e much different

Easier if anything

TravelDreamLife · 04/06/2021 05:45

Oh no. DO NOT do the 'it's easier not to go'. thing. That's exactly what he wants. I watched a (now ex) friend let her H do this. Eroded away at her life so now she goes nowhere & has no friends left, while he does whatever he likes.

Tell him it evens up now or he can't go. Or he can go & you have Sunday. Do not let him push you back into his preferred routine.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 04/06/2021 05:52

His sulking is on purpose to make you give in.

Don't. Go out on Sunday op.

He has no respect for you.

PiuVinoPerFavore · 04/06/2021 06:02

You have to go. This cannot continue. Your kids need you to be strong and independent as a model of what women should be. Your husband is being an absolute arse.

MaMaD1990 · 04/06/2021 06:04

Let him strop and you have your Sunday, and tell him this will be a regular thing from now on. Nothing worse than a lazy husband and father who couldn't make it clearer that he doesn't want to take care of the children HE contributed to creating...

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/06/2021 06:13

No fucking way would I put up with golf all day every single saturday. My friends DH does but it's on the agreement he has to go for a 7am tee time & is home by noon, and she gets Sunday mornings.

Your kids are growing up seeing that daddy is allowed to do whatever he wants, mummy is a doormat and does all the parenting.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/06/2021 06:14

Why exactly is it you remain with this utter waste of space?

emmetgirl · 04/06/2021 06:15

I don't even know where to start with this one...

Jobsharenightmare · 04/06/2021 06:16

How dreadfully manipulative. He sulks as a way to control you and it sounds like it works usually. Stand up for yourself. You can do this!

stayathomer · 04/06/2021 06:21

Let him sulk! And it's not as if you want every single week(if you did it would be fine tlbut both of you would need to agree to a time where your dc get both of you together for family day because I know a few people where both partners have hobbies that like golf and horse riding and I'm sure the kids must miss out.)

SpeckledyHen · 04/06/2021 06:30

Why do you need his permission!?!? Just go .