To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

[Dancingbinbags]

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

What are you getting from this marriage? It certainly doesn’t sound like he sees you as an equal or partner in life. Are you happy with things staying this way for the foreseeable future?

Are you going to change, OP, or leave him? Honestly, he's a cunt.

I think you need to be very blunt with him. Tell him he has time off. You want time off. Doing childcare isn't time off. He doesn't want to do it for one day so why does he think you want to do it all week. He clearly needs this spelt out.

Agree with PP who said ignore sulking and just do it. Make it the new normal.

Go alone on the Saturday - out the door, calling "Bye, I'll be back at 11!" - like he presumably does. If he complains, remind him that that is what he does, and ask what the difference is.

Why are posters being so horrible?

This sounds like it is an emotionally abusive relationship, where the op has been ground down into believing whatever he says.
It’s not as simple as get a backbone, tell him this, do that!
Op - do you have help/support? Have you looked into any women’s help programmes, like that freedom programme?

I’ve been in a relationship similar to this, and you lose yourself.

I'm glad you're employed - hopefully you're not totally financially dependent on this prick. Consider your options.

@ineedaholidaynow

What are his redeeming features?

I'm wondering this too.

OP unless he's Tiger bloody Woods he can shove his golf up his arse, can't he? you need to tell him!

@Dancingbinbags

He’s still arsey about it this morning. Apparently Saturday with the children is my day off.

He's a dickhead - childcare is not time off - it's a responsibility that should be shared.

Show him this thread - there is not 1 single person that has any empathy with him.

OP - how many hundreds of posts do you need to take action on this? You are being taken for a fool.

So he gets every Saturday (all day), Sunday until 11am AND two nights out a week after work.

Then tells you that you can have one Sunday a month, 2 - 5 pm?

I'd have laughed in his face, he is on a massive piss take. What exactly do you get from him? Plus why is he telling your kids he'd never stop you from doing anything? How did that come up?

OP I imagine you are afraid of him in some way. Otherwise why would you put up with this gross unfairness. He is utterly disgusting.

Honestly? I'd be leaving the house before he gets a chance to go to golf or get out of bed. Whichever. Not your problem. And if he complained I would remind him that should you divorce he would have the children on his own every other weekend.
You do not need permission.
If he sulks, let him!

@Dancingbinbags

But Sunday he is offended I don’t want to spend time with him. Apparently if I go out Sunday we get no family time. 🙄🙄🙄

If family time is so valuable he should give up his Saturdays.

But Sunday he is offended I don’t want to spend time with him. Apparently if I go out Sunday we get no family time. 🙄🙄🙄

Which is easily resolved by him not playing golf every single bloody Saturday! Or shockingly, getting up before almost midday on Sundays! My god, this wanker really lives the life of Riley, doesn’t he? Ignore the sulking (controlling, childish, abusive). If he’s serious about ‘family time’, then he’ll give up the gold every single week. Have you put it like that to him yet?

Don't show him this thread, this is not a good idea as he does not sound like a reasonable man.

How does he suggest you see your friends on your 'supposed' day off, who will look after the children?

He's a selfish waste of space. Push back and stay strong OP. Don't let him dictate what times you're able to be out on Sunday.

Don’t back down op. If Saturday is your day off then take him up on it.
If they are old enough not to die if neglected by him (ie can get own drinks and make a sandwich) you’ve rearranged friends for your day off Saturday and you can all have family time on Sunday. And go out as long as he normally is for golf.

Are you not offended that he doesn't want to spend Saturdays with you? Or Sunday mornings, or his two evenings a week. Come on OP, you know his arguments don't stack up.

The problem with the vast majority of golfers, (not all, PP's have explained how their DH's manage to play at the weekend and be home by the time your DH wakes up on a Sunday), but most of them, is that they have convinced themselves golf is actually important and they need to play, they lose sight of the fact it's actually a hobby. And when you have family responsibilities, hobbies sometimes have to take a backseat.

@Dancingbinbags

But Sunday he is offended I don’t want to spend time with him. Apparently if I go out Sunday we get no family time. 🙄🙄🙄

Why aren't you offended that he wants to spend every Saturday and 2 nights a week not with you? Play him at his own game here. He is a selfish prick.

My husband would never dream of speaking to me like that. He knows better than to tell me what I can and can't do. Your husband sounds like he can't be arsed with looking after his kids on a Sunday. I would just go he would have to get on with it then. Some men are so, so selfish.

Well if he is so desperate to see you he will drop the Saturday on the weeks you go out on a Sunday.

Also all day?? He needs an earlier tee off so he is back by lunch.

He isn’t your Dad, he doesn’t get to say no to you. If you want to do this, go do it.

If he's playing all day, he's either;

1. a terrible golfer, despite playing so often, so should find another hobby

2. playing 2 rounds followed be leisurely drinks with his mates

I'm not sure which is worse tbh.

Okay so if Sunday is decreed family day (where you share childcare and chores and split lay ins (what do you usually do together after he surfaces at 11 out of interest?), then Saturday is day off day and you alternate it, especially as being with the kids is the same as a day off too so he won't miss out on his days to have them - it'll be like a mini break in his own house.

I'd also tell him your Fridays are to make up for his 2 week day evenings golfing, so you won't be doing any house related chores during those hours which are equal to his and are taking up a hobby of your own instead.

I've been in similar situations OP and I think you have to make a big stand at the beginning of the fight and ensure it is totally equal otherwise you undermine your point.

I had an ex bf who played golf - it goes on for hours. Tell him he can play golf 2 Saturdays a month and you go out the other 2

OP what would happen on a Saturday if one of your DC had a birthday party they needed taking to and the other had a sports club/match/swimming lesson etc that clashed? Would he drop his golf to ensure both DC could go to their activity, or would you be forced to choose which was more important?