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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

488 replies

Dancingbinbags · 03/06/2021 20:01

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancingbinbags · 04/06/2021 09:33

Oh yeah. On Sundays he surfaces around 11am.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 04/06/2021 09:36

What are his redeeming features?

ShowMeHow · 04/06/2021 09:39

By not facilitating you to do what you need he is stopping you!

This is not about the kids it is about his attitude.

Time to declare Saturday family time after all thes years surely.

What does his family time look like? Are you serving him a Sunday lunch and cold beer?

MaMaD1990 · 04/06/2021 09:39

@ineedaholidaynow

What are his redeeming features?
My thoughts too.
citcatgirl45 · 04/06/2021 09:40

My DH was like this and still is. He never looks after the children. If I wanted to do anything child free I had to find childcare elsewhere. My kids are older now but I wish when they were small I hadn't given him a choice. Unfortunately father hood is not for him as he can just cannot relate to children at all partly my fault as I let him get away with not being involved, so he never really had to try to be a father because it was actually easier for me to just do everything then argue with him about having them. My advice to you is even if it causes lots of arguments and rows initially leave them with him one day otherwise it will probably escalate and you will end up never being able to leave them. I think if I had left my DH with them when they were little he would have had to learn what to do and how to relate to them, but my worry was he would just end up doing his own thing and neglecting their needs which I think was my own insecurities. My DH used to end up creeping out at 4am and staying out all day so he didn't have to have them!!!!!!

sherrystrull · 04/06/2021 09:41

11am! How old are your DC?

EvilPea · 04/06/2021 09:42

2-5. Go steady now.
He has zero respect for you, your only there to facilitate him.

pinkyredrose · 04/06/2021 09:46

Did he ask you if you minded him playing so much golf or did he just tell you?

Estasala · 04/06/2021 09:56

Book something in for this Saturday. Tell him you’re going. He’s not your father. He can’t tell you “no”. Ignore any sulking"

Tell him, you can go golfing next Saturday. Repeat every other Saturday. One each.

edwinbear · 04/06/2021 09:57

Oh yeah. On Sundays he surfaces around 11am

So actually, he gets two evenings a week, all day Saturday and Sunday morning to himself Shock

MMMarmite · 04/06/2021 09:57

What a twat. If you divorced, would he want to see the kids? You'd get more free time if he had them every other weekend than you do at the moment.

Washimal · 04/06/2021 09:57

Sunday afternoon 2-5 is where we are at the moment

What?? You're a grown woman, he does not get to dictate when you're allowed to leave the house and what time you come back! How much negotiation and compromise was involved when he decided to play golf every weekend I wonder?

TopBlogger · 04/06/2021 09:58

How much of a fight are you ready for?

Because this will turn into a huge one if you are really going to stand your ground.

An yes, as a PP said - What are his redeeming qualities?

lorca · 04/06/2021 09:58

Oh OP - this reminds me of my EX. He'd be away with 'work' for up to 1 week every month. Sometimes it was 'work' (conferences, meetings etc) sometimes it was 'networking' (jollies, team building fun days, office visits etc) Hmm. I asked him once for a week off to go to a hobby workshop. He refused, saying that if he had to take a week off to look after his own kids, then he wanted that to be a 'family holiday'. So No, I didn't get to go.

I divorced him instead.

MrsLCSofLichfield · 04/06/2021 09:59

Whenever I see threads like this, I hope the husband makes a lot of money. I'd want a townhouse in NW3 or a pile in the Surrey hills to put up with that kind of shit.

MMMarmite · 04/06/2021 09:59

I'd be thinking "why would I want family time with someone who doesn't contribute to the family. If he never does childcare or housework, despite you both working, he's barely part of the family as it is"

Tuckedinbelly · 04/06/2021 10:01

What a massive cunt.

diddl · 04/06/2021 10:03

I'm assuming that the 2-5 is also so that you will feed them (all) before you go & again when you get in!

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 04/06/2021 10:03

I sometimes think that you can have moments where you stop in your tracks and go how the hell did I end up here? I think this may be yours.

How old are the children? Can you leave Sunday morning before he gets up and then get the children to wake him after you have left? He doesn't get to duck out of being a parent, whether that is within this marriage or if you are divorced.

Faultymain5 · 04/06/2021 10:03

I’ve read all your posts
I’m confused as to how he gets to say no and that’s the end of it.
I’m confused as to why you just don’t get up on Sunday and go where you want to.
I’m also confused why you wouldn’t get up on Saturday and go where you want to.

I’m confused how you can make waves in your relationship/marriage.

I’m confused as to why this is what you have settled for.

It’s disrespectful and and not a partnership. Your children are his children. Tell him to enjoy family time on Sunday. Every Sunday doesn’t have to be about the kids and if they need a day alternate it with Saturdays.

If he’s not amenable. Just get up and go.

So many choices I hope you grab the bull by the horns (or the man by the balls) and start living.

Washimal · 04/06/2021 10:05

I know people mean well but please can we stop with the "if you divorce him you'll get every other weekend to yourself" stuff? My friend left her DH for this exact reason. He was a selfish prick who was always either at work, doing hobbies or away with the 'lads' when they were together. Funnily enough, he's still a selfish prick now they're apart and he hasn't had the kids for 18 months! I'm not saying OP shouldn't LTB, he certainly doesn't deserve her but let's not pretend that the EOW thing is a given.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/06/2021 10:06

I can't believe you feel like you need to ask his permission. I don't understand who people can live like that, like their "partner" is their boss or parent or something

AryaStarkWolf · 04/06/2021 10:07

how*

Grimacingfrog · 04/06/2021 10:17

@Washimal

I know people mean well but please can we stop with the "if you divorce him you'll get every other weekend to yourself" stuff? My friend left her DH for this exact reason. He was a selfish prick who was always either at work, doing hobbies or away with the 'lads' when they were together. Funnily enough, he's still a selfish prick now they're apart and he hasn't had the kids for 18 months! I'm not saying OP shouldn't LTB, he certainly doesn't deserve her but let's not pretend that the EOW thing is a given.
You're right, but at least there would be no pretending that he's any kind of father then. I bet OP's husband thinks he's being brilliant by having the 'family time' on Sundays. What a hero! Also not having to clear up after him (I bet he doesn't put his dirty coffee cups in the dishwasher, etc), or see him lazing around on Sunday mornings would be a massive step up.
Rangoon · 04/06/2021 10:27

There are some men that you should simply not bred with or marry. I cannot imagine my golf mad husband telling me that I should look after young children all Saturday while he plays golf and then Sunday is family day so he avoids ever having to look after the children himself. My husband works for himself and plays golf twice a week - on Wednesdays and Fridays. It hardly ever intruded into the weekends. That's why we're still married! I also cannot imagine being told by my husband not to leave the house on a Sunday because it is family time ie I had to keep looking after the children. I have also explained to my husband that having a dishwasher and a weekly cleaning lady is essential for the future of our marriage. I think your husband is taking you for a fool.

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