Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

[babyblues21]

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

I really, really, really regret the fact that I was so determined to breastfeed at all costs, despite the evidence that my body wasn't able to do so. One of my only regrets in life is that I didn't exclusively formula feed from the first few weeks onwards. It really tarnished and kinda ruined so much of my baby's first nine months just trying to fight to breastfeed.

I'm sorry to hear this. I'm seriously considering switching to formula. I don't know how this will make my life any easier but ... I just feel exhausted with a baby being constantly attached to me.

@Treaclepie19

Feel free to message me if it would help. I get it 100% I've developed postnatal depression according to the health visitor but honestly I think I've just taken on too much. We get no evenings at all. No time to just sit. Yet the house is a state and we're doing all we can to make it easier.

Your message made me tearful. Thank you. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling too x

@Treaclepie19

She's not my first. My first was a breeze compared to this. Op I've got the same. She's 8 months now but I think it was even worse that I knew what to expect because I thought I'd already had a high needs baby and then my next one was even more stressful.

I think it's partly the age gap between my children. I'd just got used to the teen years and the relative independence... returning to newborn is a shock and half to say the least

It's incredibly difficult for a lot of people. In my experience the people who say it isn't that bad were in quite fortunate circumstances, recovered fine from labour, had lots of family or partner support and people chipping in to help, a baby that slept a good few hours at a time, didn't have major problems with feeding. And good for them! I have friends who felt that the entire time with a newborn was just a big doss sat on the sofa cuddling them while watching boxsets haha.

Not true for me either, I was a single parent from pregnancy, my ex didn’t even come to the hospital and didn’t see her till she was 1, I had no family support at all and had an emcs but I still found the baby part a breeze compared to toddler, I just think different people find different things... different. I also found bf easy though and never struggled so maybe I’m just unusual!

To the poster who said people who find the newborn stage probably had a. Easy labour and recovery and plenty of support.. absolutely not true for me. Emergency c-section, single parent living alone with no family support close by and no input from my ex. That's how my parenting journey started out aged 19. DD had reflux and colic and didn't sleep properly at all until she was 3!! But I still say parenting a newborn is easy.

And op I have the same with the family situation. It's shit doing it all yourself. My husband and I are just running around constantly doing stuff and both are knackered.

Same. It’s always been just my husband and me and (mainly me) when he was working 12 hour days or going on week-long international business trips. Upside, we don’t have any relatives complaining about having our children all the time like some in our family do with their adult children because we are far away. It’s uncomfortable to listen to tbh.

I must admit I enjoyed the newborn stage and the teenaged years but hated the toddler/preschool/primary school years. I did have relatively good sleepers which helped but I do think not having the internet helped, I didn't feel guilty if I put them in their cot/bouncy chair while I had a shower/ate/went to the loo. There was noone telling me I should feel bad about them crying for 5 minutes, I fully appreciate it might well have been different if I had.

KurtWilde

Very similar to me, I was single in pregnancy and didn’t have any family help I also had 3 older kids (6 5 and 3) and then a new born but I still much preferred the new born stage, yesterday dd had the most awful tantrum and screamed for hours because her shoes no longer fit and I told her she couldn’t wear them to the park, I got hit, had things thrown at me 🤦‍♀️ There was no reasoning with her at all and we didn’t end up going. Give me the new born stage any day

@soreenqueen21

Well I've done all the stages and I honestly would rather parent a toddler or a teen any day!

I said SN toddler and teen. You think that might be harder than a newborn?

Oh sorry I missed the SN part - I've had about 2 hrs sleep my apologies

Huge thank you to all who have given helpful advice and suggestions 🙂

Going to bow out of this thread now as I'm not really in the best place mentally to debate who has it hardest. Need to try and quickly shower somehow so I can get out of the house and save my sanity until DP gets home. 😬

There's an amazing group on facebook called Respectful Sleep Training/Learning with some really useful info in the files about helping baby to sleep independently OP. Good luck. I think things will be much easier once you can pop her down for a nap and go lay on the sofa for a doze, get a bath, make some food or stand at the door and breathe some fresh air in!

@ChangePart1

There's an amazing group on facebook called Respectful Sleep Training/Learning with some really useful info in the files about helping baby to sleep independently OP. Good luck. I think things will be much easier once you can pop her down for a nap and go lay on the sofa for a doze, get a bath, make some food or stand at the door and breathe some fresh air in!

Oh this is the dream!

Thank you I'll have a look at that group 🙂

I found it EXTREMELY difficult - I had multiple womb and kidney infections from a very traumatic birth, I had a baby with colic, severe reflux & CMPA and my baby is also disabled so was having to chose between his treatment options in the first couple of months of his life (we went with amputation) - all of this led to PND + PTSD so when someone says to me that I was 'over reacting' and 'all they do is eat and sleep' I want to punch them in the face

My now 10 month old is bloody hard work, especially now I'm pregnant again, but I'd take ANYTHING over that stage and I'm dreading those first 3 months again!

What I will say though, it gets easier week by week, and for me the 6 month mark is a MAJOR turning point. I know it seems like an absolute lifetime away but I promise you you'll get there, thinking of you OP

Fair play to those who say they still found it manageable in difficult circumstances. I'm only going by what I've noticed in my own circles but perhaps some people just do find newborns easy no matter what!

OP, I know you're bowing out but in case you see this: if you think switching to formula would make life easier for you then don't hesitate for a second. Fed is best and whichever way you feed your baby they will thrive. It just isn't true that one way is better than another, we're all different in different circumstances and some people find breastfeeding harder or easier than others but there's no medal for carrying on regardless of how tough it is.

Good luck with everything, you sound like a wonderful parent

The newborn stage is really hard thanks to sleep deprivation, feeding, their total dependency on you and many other factors BUT every age has its challenges. I loved the 6-18 month stage. They smile and giggle and begin to take an interest in everything and it’s a lot more fun and rewarding for you. Then you move on to toddler stage!! 😊

I have 2 kids by donor sperm, so I did the newborn stage twice completely alone. It’s tough, but it gets better when they start to respond regularly (not just the intermittent occasional smile you get at 6-8 weeks) . I found that at 3 months it got a lot better. Still as exhausting (both mine were terrible sleepers) but much more rewarding. The smiles and laughter and reactions make it much more bearable.
Both of mine were clingy babies that couldn’t be put down without howling, so my baby sling was the best bit of kit I ever owned. I did everything with a baby attached to me!

It's incredibly difficult for a lot of people. In my experience the people who say it isn't that bad were in quite fortunate circumstances, recovered fine from labour, had lots of family or partner support and people chipping in to help, a baby that slept a good few hours at a time, didn't have major problems with feeding. And good for them! I have friends who felt that the entire time with a newborn was just a big doss sat on the sofa cuddling them while watching boxsets haha.

We had major issues with putting on weight with our second which meant a 2hr feeding cycle (baby wouldn't take a bottle) 24 hours a day. I had a section but easy recovery, and yes I had support.

What I note though is that you said you got sleeping sorted at 6m. Perhaps that's why you found newborns harder, because sleep was no longer an issue. At a year, my youngest woke at least 10 times a night, and often had a wake up of several hours. She's now 2 and had recently started sleeping better, but last night was up from 2-5.30 inclusive and then up for the day just before 7. It's not that we necessarily had easy newborns, just that our toddlers didn't sleep either.

My newborn phase was awful, op. He had colic / cmpa and screamed for hours and hours every day until 14 weeks. After that every time we had a small crying episode or whinging I would just feel triggered by it and go into an anxious, stomach knot, neurotic person. It got better for us at 6 months, by 7 months, I was starting to enjoy it and by 9 months I was loving being a mum. He's 11 months now and I have no more dread, I can deal with any crying now even though he rarely cries, and I really enjoy spending time with him.

I'm put off having a second because of the first 6 months...that's how bad it was.

Each stage brings it’s challenges, and different people cope with different stages in different ways. A lot depends on your own skills and temperament. But the newborn stage brings with it an exhaustion with sleep deprivation, combined with a hormonal imbalance that makes it that bit more difficult. I was fortunate that by the time I got my “newborn” home she’d had 6 weeks in neonatal which had given her a routine. I really would have struggled without that.

@Babyboomtastic

It's incredibly difficult for a lot of people. In my experience the people who say it isn't that bad were in quite fortunate circumstances, recovered fine from labour, had lots of family or partner support and people chipping in to help, a baby that slept a good few hours at a time, didn't have major problems with feeding. And good for them! I have friends who felt that the entire time with a newborn was just a big doss sat on the sofa cuddling them while watching boxsets haha.

We had major issues with putting on weight with our second which meant a 2hr feeding cycle (baby wouldn't take a bottle) 24 hours a day. I had a section but easy recovery, and yes I had support.

What I note though is that you said you got sleeping sorted at 6m. Perhaps that's why you found newborns harder, because sleep was no longer an issue. At a year, my youngest woke at least 10 times a night, and often had a wake up of several hours. She's now 2 and had recently started sleeping better, but last night was up from 2-5.30 inclusive and then up for the day just before 7. It's not that we necessarily had easy newborns, just that our toddlers didn't sleep either.

It's definitely about the sleep for me. Despite how horrendously difficult it was, I loved having a newborn. I loved him (like I still do) and absolutely relished being a new parent. It was mindblowing every day to look at him and marvel at how I created him (hormones haha). But the poor sleep really affected absolutely everything. Ever since he started sleeping well at six months it was like the clouds parted, the sun shone through, and every aspect of parenting since has been an absolute dream. I guess not just because we're getting sleep, but also because he is too, so he isn't ever overtired or exhausted or beside himself for no real reason.

Forgot to add: So it definitely gets better! Hang in there. We all prefer different stages

I think it depends on a lot of different factors . If you have lots of experience around tiny babies and are used to dealing with them. What the birth and pregnancy were like. Your personality and the baby itself - what is their sleep like, are they refluxy, have any feeding problems, laid back or easily startled, upset etc.

For me it was a huge shock. I’d never held a baby until I had mine. Horrible pregnancy, EMCS, poorly baby in NICU, post natal depression/anxiety, total exhaustion etc. Suddenly having total responsibility for this tiny being felt brutal and totally overwhelming and I coped very poorly indeed and received no support. I didn’t have any more as I couldn’t face risking all that again. I really hope new parents get more support these days.