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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 09:40

@TwoTimingPotatoSalad

I was lucky that DS slept through relatively quickly, from about 2 months and long stretches before that too, so I didn't find it that hard but I can definitely imagine it being really difficult on no sleep. I don't think I'd have managed without sleep. It's why I've been put off having another tbh because I can't guarantee they will be a good sleeper like DS.
We had a poor sleeper until we got him sleeping properly at six months ,and that first six months is the primary reason we are sticking with one child. There's just absolutely no way I could go through that again. Due to triple feeding and DS not sleeping well I didn't get a stretch of sleep longer than two hours in six months, from the moment I gave birth, even with DH doing a heck of a lot, easily as much as me if not more. It was torture. I remember DH going off on night shifts and me just sitting on the bed at 8pm thinking okay, I just have to stay awake until 8am when he gets home and takes DS for an hour before he goes to sleep, I can sleep for an hour then...

Sometimes I'd set an alarm when I got to sleep just so I knew when I woke what amount of sleep I'd had, to try feel better. The alarm would often say three minutes or so. Twenty minutes felt like an achievement. It was just hell. Never again!

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:40

If your baby is still alive and fed and clean then you're doing an amazing job.

Thank you! My HV said something similar.

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 02/06/2021 09:40

I found the newborn phase the easiest bit. But I appreciate not everyone does.

ColaOlaLa · 02/06/2021 09:40

I agree about the toddler/newborn stage as well I hated the toddler stage and found it much more challenging

Melae · 02/06/2021 09:40

It is hard Flowers
I found newborn tougher with my first but my second wasn’t as bad as I had an idea of what I was in for. I think 6-12 months is the nicest, they have a personality but not as much on the move. My second is 18 months now and an absolute savage, my first born wasn’t anywhere near as crazy. I feel like I don’t get a minute to myself at the minute as he is constantly on the go and into everything... not sure when it is going to get easier now but I can’t wait for it Wine

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:41

@MrsBungle

I used to get up and showered before dh left for the day. I was tired but felt better after a shower and then I felt better about going out for a walk or to meet a friend etc which much improved my mood than staying in the house all day, isolated.

Re the toilet I used to take baby with me and lie them down on a folded towel at my feet.

I will try these, thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:43

@ChangePart1

And I echo the above poster... toddlerhood is an absolute f-ing joy to experience. It's just incredible. You have so much to look forward to :)

I have a toddler niece and she's just adorable and such a joy! And I enjoyed my eldest daughter so, so much at this age. I can't wait .

OP posts:
ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 09:43

Same, @babyblues21. It feels like a different world when I speak to friends who had kids with family support. The concept of being able to have a night to themselves every week or two just sounded bizarre to me.

I remember thinking 'how can one tiny human possibly take up 24 hours in the day for two grown adults?' lol. But he did. It's hard in the thick of it because you can't turn back time (not that you'd necessarily want to), you just have to find a way to cope with the relentless exhaustion for the foreseeable future. It's torture. It drives a lot of people to postnatal depression and anxiety, just the lack of rest and sleep.

SinkGirl · 02/06/2021 09:43

I honestly can’t remember the first about 9 months with my twins. It’s only because I have photos / videos that I can recall anything. Pumping bloody constantly didn’t help. It was just fire fighting.

I can’t say it’s much easier now but we don’t have a typical situation - definitely my other mum friends found it easier later and easier now they’re all preschoolers

Dollywilde · 02/06/2021 09:44

Honestly I’ve described the first 3 months with my DD as the hardest of my life. And the months 3 to 6 as the second hardest 3 months of my life! But she’s 10 months old now and honestly, since the 6 month mark we really turned a corner. She sleeps! She naps in her own cot! She eats! She laughs! She’s just such a sunny happy baby now and I can’t believe the baby that screamed constantly from 3pm - 10pm for the first 12 weeks has turned out this way. I spent most of the first six months thinking I’d made a huge mistake and now I wouldn’t change her for the world. Keep going OP.... it really does get better Flowers

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 09:44

@SinkGirl

I honestly can’t remember the first about 9 months with my twins. It’s only because I have photos / videos that I can recall anything. Pumping bloody constantly didn’t help. It was just fire fighting.

I can’t say it’s much easier now but we don’t have a typical situation - definitely my other mum friends found it easier later and easier now they’re all preschoolers

Pumping is hell. I really, really, really regret the fact that I was so determined to breastfeed at all costs, despite the evidence that my body wasn't able to do so. One of my only regrets in life is that I didn't exclusively formula feed from the first few weeks onwards. It really tarnished and kinda ruined so much of my baby's first nine months just trying to fight to breastfeed.
Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:46

@ChangePart1

It's also worth looking at information and guidance on helping your baby to get some of her sleep in her cot or moses basket, if it's unsustainable for her to always take every single sleep on you or her dad or sister. If that works for you then great, keep going! But I know I wouldn't have managed if DS would only sleep on us, we needed that time to sleep ourselves or get some food or a shower or just have a walk around the house. Six weeks is tiny and she's absolutely normal in wanting to be on you for sleep, but the older she gets the more tricky it can be to help her learn good sleep habits so just bear in mind that when you're ready for her to start sleeping in her own safe sleep space that there's plenty of guidance out there on helping her to transition to that.

That's great thank you, will have a look at guidance for helping her to transition. It's absolutely NOT sustainable for her to nap on us all the time, something needs to change.

OP posts:
speakout · 02/06/2021 09:47

I found the early weeks so difficult with my first.
By the time I had my second ( and a bouncy toddler to take care of too) I realised how easy it had been.

soreenqueen21 · 02/06/2021 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marmite27 · 02/06/2021 09:48

Babies are easy. Keep them warm, fed and clean and they’re mostly happy.

Toddlers on the other hand are like the devil incarnate.

clpsmum · 02/06/2021 09:48

You are in for a shock!!

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:50

@ChangePart1

Same, *@babyblues21*. It feels like a different world when I speak to friends who had kids with family support. The concept of being able to have a night to themselves every week or two just sounded bizarre to me.

I remember thinking 'how can one tiny human possibly take up 24 hours in the day for two grown adults?' lol. But he did. It's hard in the thick of it because you can't turn back time (not that you'd necessarily want to), you just have to find a way to cope with the relentless exhaustion for the foreseeable future. It's torture. It drives a lot of people to postnatal depression and anxiety, just the lack of rest and sleep.

Even just having a parent who could come over and say , here give her to me; go and shower / eat etc. It makes me want to cry so much that we don't have that. He comes home from work and it's "right; you do this, I'll do that, we'll meet back in the middle in a few hours". And repeat until the morning. 😣 I have no idea what happened to our lives

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2021 09:50

She's not my first. My first was a breeze compared to this.
Op I've got the same. She's 8 months now but I think it was even worse that I knew what to expect because I thought I'd already had a high needs baby and then my next one was even more stressful.

Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2021 09:51

And op I have the same with the family situation. It's shit doing it all yourself. My husband and I are just running around constantly doing stuff and both are knackered.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:51

@clpsmum

You are in for a shock!!
Sorry?
OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:51

@Treaclepie19

And op I have the same with the family situation. It's shit doing it all yourself. My husband and I are just running around constantly doing stuff and both are knackered.

Yep 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:52

@soreenqueen21

I don't think its the hardest job in the world at all, I don't see it as even the hardest parenting stage by far. I found a newborn far easier than a SN toddler or teenager.

Well I've done all the stages and I honestly would rather parent a toddler or a teen any day!

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2021 09:53

Feel free to message me if it would help. I get it 100%
I've developed postnatal depression according to the health visitor but honestly I think I've just taken on too much. We get no evenings at all. No time to just sit. Yet the house is a state and we're doing all we can to make it easier.

ForeverInADay · 02/06/2021 09:53

I now have an 8 and 6 year old.

So far, the newborn stage was by far the hardest OP.

It does get better. By 5/ 6 months I enjoyed having them.

This is totally normal.

People say it doesn't get easier but in my case it inexplicably did. I can't cope on broken/lack of sleep so it felt like torture.

Thanks
LemonRoses · 02/06/2021 09:54

It's incredibly difficult for a lot of people. In my experience the people who say it isn't that bad were in quite fortunate circumstances, recovered fine from labour, had lots of family or partner support and people chipping in to help, a baby that slept a good few hours at a time, didn't have major problems with feeding. And good for them! I have friends who felt that the entire time with a newborn was just a big doss sat on the sofa cuddling them while watching boxsets haha.

Absolutely not the case for us. A very traumatic labour for all. No family support at all. A baby who didn’t sleep well at all (our fault) and who was quite poorly. I went back to work with her with me two weeks after she was born. In hindsight, that may not have been the wisest thing to do, but needs must.

I actually think that lots of family support can complicate things. It sets expectations and leads to conflicting advice and constant pressures.

All a baby really needs is a breast, to be changed, to be cuddled and sleep. They absolutely can sleep on their own, if we let them. They absolutely can be put down, even if they grumble.
Put it in the prom in the garden and go and have a shower. Lay it on the bathroom floor if you need the lavatory. Stick it in a laundry basket with the dirty washing if you are in the kitchen, to let you eat your breakfast.

Stop fretting about perfection- it’s unattainable and overrated. The quest for it leads to misery. .