Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

[babyblues21]

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

*Think newborns are hard? Wait until they’re toddlers! Or until you have more than one under 5!
*
I will never, ever have more than one under 5. That's why there's a 15 year age gap between my kids 🤣

Sleepless nights and sleep deprivation is just awful. I remember washing my hair in shower gel and going into a shop and promptly forgetting what I was there for when dd was waking every single hour through the night. But it was short lived and definitely not the hardest part. Having a 3 year old in the house is bloody hard, much worse than 2yo. At stages I've found 4yo dd in particular very difficult. I've worried and cried over things she's said and done far more than when she was newborn. I miss those days on mat leave of breastfeeding her, sleeping while she napped, lazy happy days out walking with her looking all cute in her pram, showing her off to adoring strangers and family alike. Peace of cake in hindsight!

Hmm… wouldn’t say YABU if you’re new to parenting, it can be hard to adjust to. But IME, ages 1-3 are much harder than newborn stage.

I miss those days on mat leave of breastfeeding her, sleeping while she napped, lazy happy days out walking with her looking all cute in her pram, showing her off to adoring strangers and family alike.

Sleeping while she naps - what a dream this would be! If only. I can't put her down unfortunately when she's asleep as she wakes instantly and just screams. As for family, they're pretty much non existent for us, we are doing it basically solo.

I have 2 DDs and 2 SDs ages 6 months, 2, 7 and10 and I can tell you for me the newborn stage was the absolute worst. So so so awful. I had one high needs baby and one super easy one, I found it so tough with both. I found 8 weeks the magic number and by 3 months when they are in a routine and you get evenings back all sooooo much better, hang in there 6 weeks is tough! My 2 year old is testing me big time, but I'd take that all day long over a newborn! She goes to bed at 6.30pm and I get 12 hours of peace! SDs came into my life age 3 so I really have experienced every age newborn-10 and you're in the hardest. It does get easier

It's awful, I found it particularly hard with my first, not so much second time around as I knew what to expect.....but even then it was pretty grim at times! It does get better though 💗

It is hard and how hard really depends on your individual baby. My first was a nightmare sleeper until he was 17 months (every 90 sodding minutes) then woke every three hours until he was 2 then suddenly slept. My second was one of those dream newborns who sleeps five hour stretches at 6 weeks but is a bloody nightmare toddler thanks to battling his older brother for supremacy. There is no magic week at which it gets better but you do start to feel better with time. If it’s your first try to remember that there is no other job in the world you’d be expected to do without training or sleep and no other job where there are no breaks, go easy on yourself and if someone offers to help take it!

Sorry just seen you have an older dc so excuse my preaching

The best advice I was ever given ( I had 3 in 3.5 years - the one very high need) was just don't try to do anything else keep yourself and your babies fed, washed and watered and that is all that matters.
Each stage passes. When your first one starts running around then people think that is the hardest time, then when they are all at school and you go to work during the day and spend all evening driving around the country to all their various clubs as well as trying to do all the washing, cleaning et al, then you'll think that's the hardest time and so on and so forth.
Parenting can be very hard work, whatever the stage. Once you have got your head round that fact, you can enjoy the lovely stuff about it.
Also, Ask for help when you need it.

The first 6 weeks were awful I was overwhelmed and lost and confused and my breasts hurt and I wasn't sleeping. I have no doubt she was picking up on all my anxieties and it was having a negative effect on her. Then at one point in the seventh week I just knew from the time of her cry what she needed and was able to instantly sooth her. I can remember the feeling of peace and recognition. That was 30 years ago now and remembering it still makes me tearful.

I hated it and went back to work pt at four and five months respectively. Instantly felt 100% better. Now 18 and 16 and never a single regret.

@Lostmyway86

I have 2 DDs and 2 SDs ages 6 months, 2, 7 and10 and I can tell you for me the newborn stage was the absolute worst. So so so awful. I had one high needs baby and one super easy one, I found it so tough with both. I found 8 weeks the magic number and by 3 months when they are in a routine and you get evenings back all sooooo much better, hang in there 6 weeks is tough! My 2 year old is testing me big time, but I'd take that all day long over a newborn! She goes to bed at 6.30pm and I get 12 hours of peace! SDs came into my life age 3 so I really have experienced every age newborn-10 and you're in the hardest. It does get easier

Oh wow I'm holding on for our evenings back! 🤞🏻🤞🏻

I found my actual job much harder and I found having my newborn a complete joy. It depends on so many things - your personality and baby's, support network, financial situation etc etc
I loved the newborn stage so so much with all three of mine.

@Lostmyway86

Don't worry it didn't come across as preaching at all! Because my eldest is a teen I've totally forgotten the baby stage and when things change and get easier... hence the shock this time round. I do have clearer memories of the toddler and preschool years with my eldest and I remember loving that stage

@Crayfishforyou

It gets better!! I was a toddler person and not a newborn person. The sleep deprivation nearly gave me a breakdown in the baby stage. Don’t set yourself any limits or goals. Just hang on in there.

Yep I'm a toddler person too, by a long stretch. Cant wait for that stage!

I'm really glad OP has an older DC because if I'd posted this with my colic, high-needs newborn DD1 and people were telling me how much worse it gets I think I would have had a total meltdown. Really not helpful (and not true IMO). I'd take my whirlwind, bloody minded, screaming, messy, crazy toddler DD1 over my easy-going, good sleeping, chilled newborn DD2 any day. Nothing is worse than sleep deprivation in my opinion. Guess each to their own but just don't see how this is helpful to a struggling mum one bit!

@JewelGarden

You're either a newborn person or a toddler/older child person in my experience OP. Some people absolutely love the early days and will moon about sitting around staring at their baby and 'milky snuggles' and watching box sets. And you'll wonder what's wrong with you as you cry and simultaneously want to never sleep so you can protect your baby and also leave them on a church doorstep and run away

But your time will come because the newborn people don't always cope well with the toddler stage but you'll be so grateful the newborn stage is over you'll be like this is amazing! Oh haha he's throwing spaghetti bolognese again, what a legend, so glad he can feed himself at last.

The first 6 weeks are totally the worst. The Wonder Weeks app helped me a lot, it reassures you that although this week might be totally shite next week will be sunny! And it may be bollocks but it always did coincidence with happy and cranky periods for my baby.

So so true! I really struggled with the baby stage but toddlers onwards I absolutely loved it and found it much easier.

I can identify so much with this thread - I currently have my 11 week old velcro baby sleeping on me and need to wee! He's my second and I had forgotten how tough the newborn stage can be (only 3 years later too). Definitely confirmed we are done at 2!
First DC was average I would say at sleep. This one struggles more with being put down, but it is getting better. I definitely think the fourth trimester has something to do with it.
FWIW things that have helped for us: baby-wearing, white noise, dummies. I also discovered he didn't mind being put down in the bathroom while shower was on, assume it was the white noise effect. Still cries to be picked up after! Will also tolerate a bouncy chair for 5-10 mins while I eat but only if he isn't too tired.
You have all my sympathy, sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I hope it gets better for you soon 🤞

@Lostmyway86

I'm really glad OP has an older DC because if I'd posted this with my colic, high-needs newborn DD1 and people were telling me how much worse it gets I think I would have had a total meltdown. Really not helpful (and not true IMO). I'd take my whirlwind, bloody minded, screaming, messy, crazy toddler DD1 over my easy-going, good sleeping, chilled newborn DD2 any day. Nothing is worse than sleep deprivation in my opinion. Guess each to their own but just don't see how this is helpful to a struggling mum one bit!

Thankfully I have fond memories of the toddler stage with my eldest. I was just posting for support and wondering which part of the baby years it gets easier as I honestly can't remember ever feeling this lost and fed up with my first. Mind you I was younger back then with family support etc

@Usplusone

I can identify so much with this thread - I currently have my 11 week old velcro baby sleeping on me and need to wee! He's my second and I had forgotten how tough the newborn stage can be (only 3 years later too). Definitely confirmed we are done at 2! First DC was average I would say at sleep. This one struggles more with being put down, but it is getting better. I definitely think the fourth trimester has something to do with it. FWIW things that have helped for us: baby-wearing, white noise, dummies. I also discovered he didn't mind being put down in the bathroom while shower was on, assume it was the white noise effect. Still cries to be picked up after! Will also tolerate a bouncy chair for 5-10 mins while I eat but only if he isn't too tired. You have all my sympathy, sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I hope it gets better for you soon 🤞

Thank you. I've been trying white noise - worked well In the first few weeks. Less so now 😫

You don’t get to state an opinion about parenting until you have a 17yo who has just had her Driving Test cancelled by the bloody DVLA!

I think looking after a newborn is not so hard. Looking after a newborn and doing ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL (like cooking, or laundry, or leaving the house, or getting dressed, or going for a wee 🙄) is pretty much impossible.

I think it’s the sleep deprivation that makes it so very hard.

@ViceLikeBlip

I think looking after a newborn is not so hard. Looking after a newborn and doing ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL (like cooking, or laundry, or leaving the house, or getting dressed, or going for a wee 🙄) is pretty much impossible.

Yes. I think that's what makes it so hard isn't it. Because you struggle to meet your own basic needs at the same time. That and the lack of communication so you just can't understand what they need when they cry - it's all guess work. I'm looking forward to more interaction and a better understanding between us!

@VerbenaGirl

I think it’s the sleep deprivation that makes it so very hard.

Yes - and this!