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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 13:33

@Cowbells

Having teens is very stressful, it's true but it also comes with a growing recognition that they are responsible for themselves, their own moods and actions and decisions, and that it is our job to gradually step back and let them learn from their mistakes. Not, ime, anything like as relentless as the screaming newborn who you can't communicate with except through endless cuddles while the sound of the crying knifes through your veins and you almost faint from sleep deprivation.

All of this!!! Perfectly sums it up

OP posts:
Mosaicz · 02/06/2021 13:34

Hi. I have an almost 9 year old and two teenagers. Looking back now I laugh when I think how hard I thought i had it when they were babies as it was the easiest time. I mean yes the constant feeding lack of sleep potty training etc can be hard going but I’m a lot busier now with two teens and one primary aged child than when they were al little and I had 3 dc all under the age of 9.

Scr1bblyGum · 02/06/2021 13:50

Twin mum who had 3 under 15 months and thought it was hard. Turns out it was a walk in the park compared to teenage years.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 02/06/2021 14:03

Yes, and I'm sure it's helping the desperate OP lots and lots right now to hear that what she's experiencing is just a walk in the park compared to teens.

Also, she already has a teen. She knows about that bit.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 14:06

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

Yes, and I'm sure it's helping the desperate OP lots and lots right now to hear that what she's experiencing is just a walk in the park compared to teens.

Also, she already has a teen. She knows about that bit.

Thank you for getting it x

OP posts:
Crayfishforyou · 02/06/2021 14:17

It gets better!!
I was a toddler person and not a newborn person.
The sleep deprivation nearly gave me a breakdown in the baby stage.
Don’t set yourself any limits or goals. Just hang on in there.

ViewFromHalfway · 02/06/2021 14:18

Well, my parents had four kids with a big gap in the middle and we're all adults now. I'm 100% sure my mum would say she found the new-born stage WAY harder than the teen years every time.

My two aren't teens yet but I have done some jobs working with teens and I'm really looking forward to that stage!

I have definitely found it gets easier and easier with each passing year. I have no plans to ever have another because I couldn't face those first six months again. I'd happily look after several toddlers and/or teens compared to one new-born!

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 02/06/2021 14:23

Much sympathies to you OP I found the first few weeks with my first baby hard work. Really fucking hard. As time goes on and you get to know your baby better it will get easier.

Just so you know though, teenage girls= hardest job parenting wise ever. Never before have I wanted to throw in the towel so many times a day Hmm

WilsonMilson · 02/06/2021 14:24

Think newborns are hard? Wait until they’re toddlers! Or until you have more than one under 5!

But seriously, newborns are hard because it’s such a shock to the system and a change of life - plus lack of sleep and constantly being terrified you’re going to do something wrong or break them by accident! Grin We’ve all been there and it does get better.

FedNlanders · 02/06/2021 14:33

It isn't wrong to not struggle with the newborn stage, just as it isn't wrong to not dread teens! Personally its just easier in terms of they can't move and have very basic primal needs. It's hard to adapt but they also change every week so it passes quick!

ViewFromHalfway · 02/06/2021 14:34

I guess 'just wait - parenting toddlers/teens is SO MUCH HARDER' is the 'cancel the cheque' of this thread given the OP has said many, many times that she has a teenager so knows exactly what the toddler and teen stages are like!

But don't let that stop people trying to make her feel even fucking worse when she's already at such a low point... Hmm

Moomin12345 · 02/06/2021 14:36

I don't get it. You have brought an innocent human being into this word for your own enjoyment from day 1? It doesn't work that way.

ColaOlaLa · 02/06/2021 14:37

Why is it a problem to disagree? If you post and ask for opinions then you are going to get them, Yes the op might find the newborn stage the hardest but that doesn’t mean we all have to agree? I thought it was the easiest

AledsiPad · 02/06/2021 14:39

Not really, OP. I'd take the screaming newborn over the 14 year old I have now...

Voomster953 · 02/06/2021 14:40

It’s hard but not difficult.

ViewFromHalfway · 02/06/2021 14:41

There's a massive difference between the posters who have admitted they quite enjoyed the new-born stage but have still been sympathetic/supportive/helpful to the OP and the ones who gleefully seem to want her to know that no matter how miserable she is now it will only get worse and she will never be happy again. The latter is just cruel and nasty and stinks of the sort of person who is only happy when they're making someone else feel bad.

Voomster953 · 02/06/2021 14:41

Also, it’s a forum not an echo chamber, people will disagree here. That’s sort of the point.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/06/2021 14:43

YANBU

I don't know. it's different for everyone.
it was tough cookies for me with most, the first 6 months are generally a blur to me.
I remember being so relieved on DS1's 1st birthday that I managed to keep him alive for a whole year! I was holding my breath waiting for it to get easier after 4 m (thanks SILs) but it wasn't. Not ultimately better.
Babies are really demanding of your time so that aspect will ease but in my experience it won't get ultimately easier.
some aspects will get easier at the same time as others will get worse. they might sleep better but eat worse. they might eat better but get separation anxiety. or get too tall, clever, mobile for their own good too early!
their growing independence is a fucking double-edged sword.
the more they can do on their own the more they can mess up or make you worry.

oh and if you suddenly feel on top of it bask in the glory of it all because it won't last! as soon as you have a good routine something/s will change and abrupt it all. it's a hoot!🤣

my advice is to rest as much as you can, lower expectations and find the funny side of things even in the middle of a shit storm. especially a literal one (hands up if you had to look after 8 people with D&V for 3 days.. anyone? Bueller?)

I have 7 kids. it's fucking hard work and I most certainly don't love every minute of being parent (does anyone??) but I wouldn't change it for anything. I love my kids and they love me back so it's all worth it.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/06/2021 14:48

I meant to add that most of the time I love being a parent. we have a lot of good times so don't despair OP.
it's hard for you right now, but it's not an endless hell hole.
there's a lot to enjoy, just give it time.

and congratulations on your baby. best of luck

Rightthen24 · 02/06/2021 15:07

Newborns are a breeze..... But toddlers....They are demons! My LO is now 4.5years old and it's the best age so far!
I think it makes a difference if you have boys or girls as they have different challenges!

WaitingForNormality · 02/06/2021 15:11

YES!
About to have my second (tomorrow!) and dreading the newborn stage. If it's anything like I found it the first time around it'll be absolutely relentless and emotionally draining. I was tired. Sore from birth. Having an identity crisis. And meanwhile had this red splodge of baby to care for, who, for reasons unknown appeared to be furious with the prospect of being a baby!

Have faith though. It does get SO much easier the older they get. By the time DS could sit up unaided and interested in the world around him (about 4-5 months) things felt better. By 12months he was very funny. Toddler years were hilarious - though obvs tantrums to contend with!

roads99 · 02/06/2021 15:13

The newborn stage is hard, it gets easier at about 10 weeks. They are beautiful, but the lack of sleep is torture. If your baby is a good sleeper, it is much easier.

All babies are different, some are much easier than others. I have one of each. Luckily I had the harder one first, so I'm not smug that the second one is easy and recognise it is more due to luck than good parenting Grin. Everyone enjoys different stages, it's a mix of how easy or difficult the children are, and which stages the parent enjoys the most.

honeybuns007 · 02/06/2021 15:48

First two I went through hell. Became horribly depressed and struggled really badly. Third one many years later was a dream. Beautiful experience. I'm so glad I got the chance to experience it like that.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 15:51

I guess 'just wait - parenting toddlers/teens is SO MUCH HARDER' is the 'cancel the cheque' of this thread given the OP has said many, many times that she has a teenager so knows exactly what the toddler and teen stages are like!

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 15:52

@AledsiPad

Not really, OP. I'd take the screaming newborn over the 14 year old I have now...

I've said multiple times, I have both.

OP posts:
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