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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
openmyhonesty · 02/06/2021 12:06

@FedNlanders

Honestly? For me, no. Teenagers....
The thing is teenagers give you worry and stress, but you can have a shower or wee without holding them, they don't cry if you leave the room or put them down.

I have two kids and I'm totally forgotten how hard it is at times. You do rose tint it, nostalgia, they were so cute and I think it's unfair to the OP to say it only gets worse.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 12:09

@openmyhonesty

It's ok I have both a teen and a newborn and I much, much prefer parenting the teen! Like you say it's being able to leave them for a while and get some headspace and your own time etc when things are challenging. When things are challenging with a newborn you literally can't have any break or headspace - it's relentless.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 12:10

I said further up thread I absolutely loved the toddler and preschool stage with my eldest. I'm looking forward to my newborn being at that stage

OP posts:
FedNlanders · 02/06/2021 12:10

I think I was lucky with my babies and newborns. They can't move and you just need to feed them and keep them clean. I was not trying to give a sense of doom but I honestly found newborns ok. They are so portable and you can travel anywhere without worrying about bedtimes and beds and stuff.

Dorisdaydream2 · 02/06/2021 12:12

With my first it was absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The sleep deprivation was awful. He never slept and I was recovering from a difficult birth and had an awful infection. Nobody sympathised or offered any help as it’s supposed to be such a joyous event and Mums are expected to just get on with it (could just be my experience).

My second was completely different, easy birth and a really easy baby. It was a lovely time.

It gets much easier Flowers

ColaOlaLa · 02/06/2021 12:14

Mine were ok for me to leave the room or shower / toilet etc but then I was a lone parent so just got on with it, I couldn’t be one of those parents that never put their kids down as I have 3 older ones to also look after, personally I adore the new born stage, at least they are cute unlike teens 😂 I miss mine being newborns

nameisnotimportant · 02/06/2021 12:16

It's depends on your baby. I had an easy one and a difficult one. People who have easy ones love the newborn stage whereas if you have an irritable, doesn't want to be put down baby it is the hardest stage. I found every three months it got a bit easier. I also don't mind admitting that I hate the first six months. They are so dependent on you and your body is soooo tired and hormonal it's just gruelling. Once they're over one I was loving life. For me the toddler years have been nothing compared to the newborn phase of my difficult baby. Hang in there. It gets easier and just tell yourself that you need to spend this time getting to know your baby. You need to learn their likes and dislikes.

NeedingAGoodNap · 02/06/2021 12:16

I’m going to be one of those and say I found the newborn stage the easiest so far. Sure I was tired and overwhelmed but I was on maternity leave and life was fairly simple (other than losing our rental apartment when dd was 3 months old as the landlord sold). It was during covid lockdowns though so I think that has tainted my view a little! The world was already a mess around me!

I’m finding my 10 month old way harder to deal with and am now really struggling. We are getting less sleep then when she was a newborn and she is an absolute daredevil with a death wish. So I’m sleep deprived, exhursted from the endless cooking, cleaning and chasing dd around, and back at work 3 days a week.

I would kill to be back at those newborn days.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/06/2021 12:18

I think it’s all so dependant on the baby, the child and the parent. Objectively, no it’s not the most difficult thing in the world. At all. But when you are caught up in it it might very well seem like it. You are not at all unreasonable to be finding it hard.

QuestionableMouse · 02/06/2021 12:19

@babyblues21

I was visiting family with a newborn this weekend, the fact they even wanted us to go should have been indication enough that things were very different there! I spent the weekend just constantly in a state of shock - their baby would fall asleep on them then transfer to the Moses basket and stay asleep, or would even be placed in the basket awake and lie there quite content. They ate/ showered etc all with a content baby lying in their basket. I think maybe when people say it’s not that hard they think it’s like that?

Oh why oh why is is not like this??! Sad
I have to wait for my partner to get home from work to wash or eat. Sometimes I need a wee for 3 hours plus before I finally get to use the toilet.

Put her somewhere safe and go to the loo as you need. Yes she'll probably scream but honestly five minutes isn't going to hurt her at all and the last thing you need is a UTI. a white noise app might help or even playing cartoons on the TV to give her something to watch (well, not watch watch, but they like the changing colours)
Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 02/06/2021 12:21

The crying and sleeplessness is certainly godawful but in my experience (mine are ranging from adults to preschooler) it gets harder...until they leave home.

So the first six weeks are the easiest in what is a relentless shitshow of hard work.

dopeyduck · 02/06/2021 12:22

Omg DS newborn stage was utterly horrific and I hated most of it despite absolutely adoring him. I remember pacing the floor while he screamed in my arms shhhing him and sobbing that I just couldn't go on.

It was fucking shit. Yes you're doing a great job and Yes it gets better.

Don't get me wrong, each stage is challenging in it's own way and different people enjoy the different stages but if you're not enjoying the newborn bit then rest assured life gradually gets better.

DS is 18 months old now, he's a tantruming, stroppy, fiercely independent ball of energy that hates sleep but he is the kindest, loving, cheeky funny little boy and I find him, although hard work such fun to be around.

Hang in there.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 12:27

@dopeyduck

Omg DS newborn stage was utterly horrific and I hated most of it despite absolutely adoring him. I remember pacing the floor while he screamed in my arms shhhing him and sobbing that I just couldn't go on.

It was fucking shit. Yes you're doing a great job and Yes it gets better.

Don't get me wrong, each stage is challenging in it's own way and different people enjoy the different stages but if you're not enjoying the newborn bit then rest assured life gradually gets better.

DS is 18 months old now, he's a tantruming, stroppy, fiercely independent ball of energy that hates sleep but he is the kindest, loving, cheeky funny little boy and I find him, although hard work such fun to be around.

Hang in there.

I can strongly relate to your first paragraph.

And thank you so much for giving me hope!

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 02/06/2021 12:29

I’ve only read your posts, OP, but something really stands out to me. If you have a teenage dd, surely she can hold the baby for a bit so you can go to the loo or have a shower? It wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask her to help out a bit.

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 12:31

@Blossomtoes

I’ve only read your posts, OP, but something really stands out to me. If you have a teenage dd, surely she can hold the baby for a bit so you can go to the loo or have a shower? It wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask her to help out a bit.
Op has said previously that her teen DD does often let the baby snooze on her :)
Moriarosesbebe · 02/06/2021 12:32

Many people told me just to leave him down and let him cry for a few minutes while I went to the loo or whatever but it made me sick when he cried, my brain just couldn't function until I tended to him . Also I was aware of the knock on effect, taking ages to get him settled again etc. Sometimes as much as I hated being stuck to the couch it was the easiest thing to do.
Right now you are in the thick of it, right in the middle of that animal survival stage. Its just basic survival, mentally make a hierarchy of your needs and triage them as you go. If mentally I was doing OK I'd concentrate on eating and peeing, if mentally I was suffering I'd concentrate on showering and looking somewhat presentable.
I spent my whole life looking forward to being a mother, it was a shock when it wasn't a breeze and I never expected that I wouldn't enjoy every minute. Ive come to realise that even Mary looked at Jesus at one point and thought "well this isn't what I signed up for"

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 12:32

@Blossomtoes

I’ve only read your posts, OP, but something really stands out to me. If you have a teenage dd, surely she can hold the baby for a bit so you can go to the loo or have a shower? It wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask her to help out a bit.

Yes she does at times - and when she's willing she's actually v helpful. But obviously I have to wait til she's home from school etc. It's been slightly easier this week as it's half term so it's been a god send having her help (on the 1 day she's home and not out with her mates 🤣)

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 02/06/2021 12:33

I missed that @ChangePart1, sorry.

doadeer · 02/06/2021 12:34

I think it varies. For me the newborn phase was lovely I find a toddler much more challenging but we are all different. I had a pregnancy from hell so I was just so relieved to have my baby. Mine did sleep a lot and I had lots of free time to watch films and chill out

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 12:34

Many people told me just to leave him down and let him cry for a few minutes while I went to the loo or whatever but it made me sick when he cried, my brain just couldn't function until I tended to him

So much this. I just can't ignore her cries, they penetrate through my heart and soul and make me physically hurt inside 😣

OP posts:
Buffaloskull · 02/06/2021 12:37

From about 3 days old to around 8-12 week was difficult but mostly because I was terrified the whole time.
I feel ok saying this to the op as she already has a teen so has been through this stage.. but I found the toddler years the hardest. Dd was absolutely brutal and its put me off having anymore 😆 I still get a sick/sinking feeling in my stomach when I look back on those days it really was awful.
Looking back she was a relatively easy baby from what I've heard others say, some days were hard and some good, she didnt have colic or anything so I wasnt being screamed at all the time and she could be put down in her rocker/mat for periods of time. It was all the stuff in my own head that made it hard, like I was constantly waiting for something dreadful to happen..
Maybe if I had another I'd find it easier as I'd be more relaxed but it's the toddler years that really got to me.. never again 😅

mygee · 02/06/2021 12:38

I found the newborn stage really difficult. It's just so overwhelming, relentless, worrying, a real shock to the system. But I think every stage has it's challenges, and now that mine are 8 and 12 I wouldn't say that the newborn stage was the hardest over all.

Justanothernameonthepage · 02/06/2021 13:12

My eldest was a clinging, energy demon. He'd sleep for 20 minutes at a time, had to be held and at around 4 months he'd perfected rolling over and would slam himself into the sides of cots repeatedly until picked up.
At 6 months it got easier as he started to sleep for a couple of hours at a time. Once he could crawl/walk it got easier again. He was a delightful toddler (the odd meltdown but no real issues).
His sister was the same.

Cowbells · 02/06/2021 13:21

Having teens is very stressful, it's true but it also comes with a growing recognition that they are responsible for themselves, their own moods and actions and decisions, and that it is our job to gradually step back and let them learn from their mistakes. Not, ime, anything like as relentless as the screaming newborn who you can't communicate with except through endless cuddles while the sound of the crying knifes through your veins and you almost faint from sleep deprivation.

partofyoupoursoutofme · 02/06/2021 13:27

@JewelGarden

You're either a newborn person or a toddler/older child person in my experience OP. Some people absolutely love the early days and will moon about sitting around staring at their baby and 'milky snuggles' and watching box sets. And you'll wonder what's wrong with you as you cry and simultaneously want to never sleep so you can protect your baby and also leave them on a church doorstep and run away Grin

But your time will come because the newborn people don't always cope well with the toddler stage but you'll be so grateful the newborn stage is over you'll be like this is amazing! Oh haha he's throwing spaghetti bolognese again, what a legend, so glad he can feed himself at last.

The first 6 weeks are totally the worst. The Wonder Weeks app helped me a lot, it reassures you that although this week might be totally shite next week will be sunny! And it may be bollocks but it always did coincidence with happy and cranky periods for my baby.

This exactly! The ones who love the newborn stage have a shock coming to them. If the baby stage is rough then the toddler bit is brilliant Flowers it definitely gets easier xx