Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

[babyblues21]

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

My DS as a baby / toddler was HARD - he didn't sleep til 2am til he was about 4 1/2 (years!) He had reflux and nothing would settle him (but was an easy teen)

My DD could have been an example of a 'perfect' baby - eating / sleeping from day 1 like a textbook example. Now she is 15 and it is HARD.

I just keep thinking everything is a phase! (Even the good bits!)

@Velvian

The younger my DC were, the harder I found it. It does get very slowly easier. I found that when my youngest was 3 or 4, my life was a dream compared to life with a baby or toddler.

What saved my sanity was going to work and buying in help. If you are going back to work, I would recommend slowly introducing the childcare you will be using months before you go back, it will make the transition so much easier.

I'll be going back to work when she's 8 months. I'll have a few trial days at nursery closer to the time. God that part fills me with dread for different reasons. I'll get a break from it all but I'll worry sick about her and miss her - can't win as a parent! 🤣

[quote Nicola54]@Treaclepie19

There was no light switch moment for me. It just very gradually got easier, bit by bit. Weening definitely helped. He was an October baby so the weather brightening up in the summer helped with my mood. And gradually, by the time he was a year or so my life was definitely easier.

My only advice is just be kind to yourself. Don’t sweat the small stuff, try to roll with it. And whatever you do, don’t put a brave face on it. Motherhood isn’t a competition. It’s normal to feel like shit and do a half-arsed job sometimes. The beauty about the baby years is that the kids don’t remember and can’t throw it back at you! Unlike the teenage years![/quote]

I love this. Such good advice. Thank you x

@Treaclepie19

The age gap is definitely a factor for me and our gap is 5 years. I'd got used to having a little time to myself 😬 Hope you're okay

Yes this is a huge part of it for me. Having a 15 yr old I'd had many years of parenting in a different way where my daughter is very independent in so many ways. Now it's newborn again and it's like woah!! I'd forgotten what this was like 🙈

@yummyscummymummy01

Can you Breastfeed lying down? That was a game changer for me at night. You obviously can't fall asleep but it feels much less of an effort.

Yes I BF lying down sometimes but I don't sleep like that as I'm terrified of squashing her

*My baby is only seven months old so I still remember vividly the horror of never being able to do anything for myself whilst also being bone shatteringly exhausted. I remember being totally enraged by yet another hour long settling session and yelling ‘What about me? Don’t my needs matter?!’ at DH.
*
Oh god yes. So much this. I've sobbed to DP along similar lines - that I don't feel like a human anymore with needs, just a machine on autopilot always running on empty.

@Bagamoyo1

I have 2 kids by donor sperm, so I did the newborn stage twice completely alone. It’s tough, but it gets better when they start to respond regularly (not just the intermittent occasional smile you get at 6-8 weeks) . I found that at 3 months it got a lot better. Still as exhausting (both mine were terrible sleepers) but much more rewarding. The smiles and laughter and reactions make it much more bearable. Both of mine were clingy babies that couldn’t be put down without howling, so my baby sling was the best bit of kit I ever owned. I did everything with a baby attached to me!

Huge respect to you for doing it completely alone. It's tough enough with a 2 man team!

[quote ChangePart1]Fair play to those who say they still found it manageable in difficult circumstances. I'm only going by what I've noticed in my own circles but perhaps some people just do find newborns easy no matter what!

OP, I know you're bowing out but in case you see this: if you think switching to formula would make life easier for you then don't hesitate for a second. Fed is best and whichever way you feed your baby they will thrive. It just isn't true that one way is better than another, we're all different in different circumstances and some people find breastfeeding harder or easier than others but there's no medal for carrying on regardless of how tough it is.

Good luck with everything, you sound like a wonderful parent

I am a mom to a 1 and 4 year old and I too hate the newborn stage. I do believe it is the hardest stage by far.

I found it got a little easier by 12 wks then about 6 months when they can sit unaided it gets more easier and then just gets better and better...then its just the teething bouts to deal with!!

It is hard, but getting them used to being put down was the key.

I know this is controversial and many will disagree, but one of the things I had to do was let them get used to being put down. If they were awake and happy I put them in their Moses basket or on a playmat and patted them if they cried rather than pick them up straight away.
Bouncy chair/ swing when they were a bit older and bounced them which they seemed to enjoy.
I'm not saying they didn't need to be picked up sometimes of course they did, but for my own sanity I needed them to be able to lie down without constantly being attached to them.
More so with my 2nd as I had a 2 yr old who was later diagnosed with autism to look after as well.
You don't have to, but it might be worth trying different ways of settling instead of being held, so you at least get a bit of time to yourself.

Give me a newborn over a teen any day

You're either a newborn person or a toddler/older child person in my experience OP.

This, definitely! I'm definitely a toddler/older child person - when they start being fun and interesting (and sleeping through the night).

Newborn stage up to about 6 months old was definitely all about survival for me. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved them at every stage, but from 6 months on I started enjoying them. And that makes a world of difference.

It is really hard. It’s a different kind of hard to the other stages.

When you have teens/ older children it’s difficult as you have to listen to all their angst and worries, and have the wisdom of Solomon, but it’s not physically hard and they are their own people.

A baby takes over your life physically - especially the mother - so it feels very overwhelming.

I’m an older child person though - definitely!

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

It is really hard. It’s a different kind of hard to the other stages.

When you have teens/ older children it’s difficult as you have to listen to all their angst and worries, and have the wisdom of Solomon, but it’s not physically hard and they are their own people.

A baby takes over your life physically - especially the mother - so it feels very overwhelming.

Haha I have to do both - listen to the angst and deal with the teen attitude and parent a newborn 😬

Having a physically needy newborn is shit. I thought I’d be better the second time around - nope, still shit.

I will console you with the news that the toddler stage second time around is a genuine joy. You don’t worry that they’re going to be a psychopath forever or try and make them grow up too quickly. You can just luxuriate in their fierce cuddly ridiculousness. And they love you back! My smallest is 2 now and I wouldn’t turn the clock back for a million pounds.

Found babies very easy, sorry, but found looking after elderly parents the saddest hardest job i have ever done.

Nightmare OP!

@MizMoonshine

The new new born stage is torture. It's a trial of endurance. You come out of hospital following labour or surgery, physically and mentally battered after around 9 months of being drained of all your nutrients and immediately go to war with a tiny terrorist. Sleep when the baby sleeps is the biggest load of shit ever. Fucking how? THE BABY IS SLEEPING ON MY BREAST AND INSTANTLY WAKES WHEN MOVED AWAY.

I'm at 9 months now and the torture is less, but I'm still sleep deprived and can't finish a meal and still breastfeeding constantly.

But my first born (now 9 year old) was a fucking dream.

Yeah, or I have a pre schooler in the house, should I just leave them to play by themselves while I go for a nice snooze

I’m with you OP. I have a 10 week old, and while we’re getting into the swing of things, I really dislike the newborn stage. Hated it with my first too.

I much prefer toddlers/children (not parented a teen yet, if they’re anything like I was, I’m fucked.)

@FlappityFlippers1

I’m with you OP. I have a 10 week old, and while we’re getting into the swing of things, I really dislike the newborn stage. Hated it with my first too.

I much prefer toddlers/children (not parented a teen yet, if they’re anything like I was, I’m fucked.)

Haha well here's some good news for you ... I was a fucking awful teen, I cringe to think how bad I was. My teen daughter is absolutely nothing like I was. I thank god every day for that 🤣

Nope teens take the medal for being the hardest to parent

I think it depends on the baby, I really liked the newborn stage but found the toddler stage difficult, especially when they just start walking

I'm going to say it's all hard with Kids.. hard hard hard, different types of hard. Newborn is rentless unless you have one you can put down.

Honestly? For me, no. Teenagers....