Page 5 | Help! How much to give as wedding present?

User1357 · 2021-06-01T20:49:11+00:00

Hi all, Husband is attending his brothers wedding on Saturday and we are unsure how much to give? What would you give to your brother for wedding day? They also have baby on the way. We were think £200, but husband is a high earner £70000 and he’s worried it will look abit tight. We are currently a bit tied up with money as we have just renovated and do not have a lot of spare money. Also, as to not drip feed, all siblings are very high earners so will more than likely be very generous. Many thanks in advance :) Yanbu-£200 fine. YABU- you’d give more.

Cathie102 · 02/06/2021 09:43

I think if that's what you can afford then it's a lovely gift, and will go towards the project they want to do. They will be very happy.

See you English people crack me up - I'm Irish and I just think £20 for a wedding gift is utterly tight. No bride and groom asks you to pay in advance to cover the cost of the meal so it's not about that. It's a nice day out and it's starting a couple out on their married life! I give £150 as standard to all weddings I go to. I rewear outfits, I do my own hair and make up etc so I can give a nice gift. I wouldn't dream of spending money on myself and going short on the gift.

Dora33 · 02/06/2021 10:00

300 is a lovely amount to give. We have given different amounts between 250 to 500 to siblings depending on our circumstances at the time. I would always give higher amounts to siblings.
Though I'm surprised of the low amounts such as 30 that some people think is ok to give, when you are not on a low income.
I dont understand why some people seem to still insist on giving gifts when money would be helpful to the wedding couple especially when they have requested money.
We did receive many frames & other similar items which we didn't need so gave them to charity shops. While we thanked the giver, there was also some wonder in the back of my mind why they were giving such a gift. They would have known from being in our house, we had loads of frames already. We didn't request money but were glad of it after the expense of the wedding.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/06/2021 10:12

I think if 30 is what you can afford, there is nothing wrong with 30...
There is absolutely no need for people to skimp and save to give more if it would make their lives harder in any way.

Newmumatlast · 02/06/2021 10:16

Wow this thread makes me worried about my etiquette. I havent attended a wedding in over a decade as everyone I know got married when I was fresh from uni or before so I dont recall what we gave but was in that context - mostly gifts asked for or cash but no more than £50. We didn't receive much at all even from family. Photo frames, £20 in a card etc (apart from my parents who paid a large chunk of the wedding). I organised my own hen even. I think maybe my background people dont have big expensive weddings and £50 is a lot of money. I earn more now and have a wedding next year. Didn't occur to me I should be giving hundreds:/

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 10:17

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I think if 30 is what you can afford, there is nothing wrong with 30... There is absolutely no need for people to skimp and save to give more if it would make their lives harder in any way.

Yeah... we gave friends of ours £20 to get a couple of cocktails on their honeymoon. The whole idea is that you show up to support and congratulate them.

Still friends.

Come to think of it, nobody gave us anything for our wedding... literally only just realised that. Who cares?

HerMammy · 02/06/2021 10:31

@Cathie102
I agree, £20 if you can easily afford more is just tight. All this it’s your presence that counts blah blah, the couple will still think you’re tight 🤣

Womencanlift · 02/06/2021 10:47

I have heard of the ‘cover your plate’ thing in real life so it’s not just a MN thing but I think it’s more a guide than calling up the hotel and finding how much each person’s meal costs

Saying that I think the gift amount is determined by how much you have to spend to attend.

I would give more to a couple who have a local wedding than I would for a couple where I have already had to pay £££ to travel and stay

I earn £70k + now and would likely give my sibling £500 or offer to pay for something wedding related.

No siblings have married yet so not had this but when I was a bridesmaid and earned significantly less, I did give the bride and groom a hotel voucher for a mini-moon (as for various reasons they couldn’t have a honeymoon) which was about £300

fashionablefennel · 02/06/2021 10:49

So if you can't afford to stump up that kind of cash in Ireland you have to decline the invitation?

I was always told you give a gift when you receive an invitation, whether you attend the wedding or not - obviously smaller gift when you can't go, but still a gift.

MiniGBypass · 02/06/2021 10:51

This topic always makes me laugh when it comes up on MN, being Irish we always give cash and it would be £100 minimum per couple, more if children were also invited and some of my close friends gave up to £180 per couple for my wedding, which was then reciprocated by us when it was their turn. I'm not from a well off background, but this is the norm and as weddings are planned far in advance, there is time to save. I love weddings and they are a great day out and well worth the money, the food is always plentiful and there's always a band etc too. My own wedding some people were even more generous, we received about £15k in cash and plenty of gifts too, all given and received with love. I think it is just the culture in Northern Ireland and Ireland, especially in rural areas as its a big event. We did notice any of the smaller amounts were from people who live in the city or hadn't as much wedding guest experience, but we were very grateful for each and every one.

MiniGBypass · 02/06/2021 10:53

Oh and yes, I would still send cash or a voucher if I wasn't attending the wedding. At least £50, but more for a family member.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/06/2021 11:00

@fashionablefennel

So if you can't afford to stump up that kind of cash in Ireland you have to decline the invitation?

I was always told you give a gift when you receive an invitation, whether you attend the wedding or not - obviously smaller gift when you can't go, but still a gift.

I’d send a card but don’t send gifts if not attending. Likewise I wouldn’t send a gift if declining a standard party invite etc.

All this it’s your presence that counts blah blah, the couple will still think you’re tight

Some may. Others won’t care as it’s bout the vows not the gifts or recouping of wedding costs.

fashionablefennel · 02/06/2021 11:07

I’d send a card but don’t send gifts if not attending. Likewise I wouldn’t send a gift if declining a standard party invite etc.

I would if it's a birthday or an anniversary. Even if I just send a bottle or a bunch of flowers, if I get an invite, I send a gift. I am not even Irish!

But I don't think you should give more than you can afford. That's never been a rule.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/06/2021 14:00

'Time to save' . . . mindblowing. So if your income is so low you can't save, what then?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/06/2021 14:02

[quote HerMammy]@Cathie102
I agree, £20 if you can easily afford more is just tight. All this it’s your presence that counts blah blah, the couple will still think you’re tight 🤣[/quote]
If that's their mentality, why beat around the bush and just charge admission upfront? It's more honest than 'don't give us any gifts but bullshit, give us money and it had better be an amount we consider appropriate (you don't know what a person can actually afford, no matter their income, they may be quite cash poor or in debt, lots of things) or we'll think you're tight but we're too fucking two-faced to just charge to attend.'

Cathie102 · 02/06/2021 17:18

Its not about what the couple thinks or not. I had someone go to my wedding who didnt have much money and bought us a frying pan from my wedding list and I was as grateful for that as I was for £200 in cash from some people. Its about being tight yourself. If you were invited for a dinner party in someone's house you'd bring at least a bottle of wine, maybe chocolates or flowers as well. But you and your partner would go to someone's wedding, a new start in life, big day out, probably three course meal with wine, band, maybe evening food, and give £20? Madness. I wouldn't let myself down like that.

ElderMillennial · 02/06/2021 17:33

It really is personal and dependent on your particular family.

After I married DH, my parents gave us several thousand pounds as a gift.

I would give my sibling £500 or £1000 if I could afford it at the time.

DH's family on the other hand would be unlikely to give one another more than £100 each.

MissConductUS · 02/06/2021 17:44

300 quid is a lovely gift. I usually give cash for wedding presents and I think it's universally appreciated.

Whenwillitmakesense · 02/06/2021 17:49

1k for close family, less for friends - how much depends on how good a friend.

Sceptre86 · 02/06/2021 18:01

I bought jewellery for my sister on her wedding so that cost me 1k, I work part time and was on mat leave but put £100 away a month to afford it. I would give the £200 plus the gifts if that is what you can comfortably afford, more if you have time to save.

ConsuelaHammock · 02/06/2021 18:12

I gave £ 250 to each sibling about 20 years ago. But I’m in NI and gifts tend to be quite generous here.

Cryalot2 · 02/06/2021 18:27

I am from n i and never give money. Last non family we went to we bought a dishwasher.

Here you often spend £20-£50 on gift for someone you know but not invited .
We tend to try and treat to something they normally wouldn't buy.
Give /buy what you are comfortable with.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/06/2021 18:34

@Cathie102

Its not about what the couple thinks or not. I had someone go to my wedding who didnt have much money and bought us a frying pan from my wedding list and I was as grateful for that as I was for £200 in cash from some people. Its about being tight yourself. If you were invited for a dinner party in someone's house you'd bring at least a bottle of wine, maybe chocolates or flowers as well. But you and your partner would go to someone's wedding, a new start in life, big day out, probably three course meal with wine, band, maybe evening food, and give £20? Madness. I wouldn't let myself down like that.

If you don't have but £20 then want.

Alconleigh · 02/06/2021 19:17

I don't think I'd ever give a sibling cash, it would feel weird (for any occasion, not just a wedding). To me, money within family is only a gift down the generations, not across, not to peers. Clearly that's not the case for others here, so I may be in the minority there.

I think £300 is very generous. I don't think I've ever given a gift of greater value than £100. I've also never gone to a wedding that didn't cost me several hundred pounds to attend in travel and accommodation etc, so as for spending what the bride and groom have spent on me; I've done that and then some, before we even get to the cost of a gift.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/06/2021 19:25

If you don't have but £20 then want.

Then you would be fully welcomed to mine and never sneered at. Honestly. Fiver would do. Or a poundland card😁

baldafrique · 02/06/2021 19:26

OMG who would give £20 from a couple to anyone! SO tight! Urgh.