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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help! How much to give as wedding present?

146 replies

User1357 · 01/06/2021 21:49

Hi all,

Husband is attending his brothers wedding on Saturday and we are unsure how much to give? What would you give to your brother for wedding day? They also have baby on the way.

We were think £200, but husband is a high earner £70000 and he’s worried it will look abit tight. We are currently a bit tied up with money as we have just renovated and do not have a lot of spare money.

Also, as to not drip feed, all siblings are very high earners so will more than likely be very generous.

Many thanks in advance :)

Yanbu-£200 fine.
YABU- you’d give more.

OP posts:
User135792468 · 02/06/2021 07:23

I think £200 is a bit tight for a brother you are close to and if you’re a high earner. I would probably give £400. Around £200 covers their costs for both of you and then some extra for their project.

shouldistop · 02/06/2021 07:23

For my brothers wedding I paid for his kilt hire and my SIL hair and make up. I can't remember how much it came to.

shouldistop · 02/06/2021 07:24

I think £200 is fine though btw

caringcarer · 02/06/2021 07:25

My dh earns similar and we gave his DB £400 and they spent 10 days in our second (French) house on their honeymoon and we had flowers and champagne in house to greet them. We would spend £200 on a cousin.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 02/06/2021 07:28

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I am not a big fan of the "cover your seat" thing. You are invited, you shouldn't have to worry about thst.

If you can afford 20, you can afford 20. If it's 200, 200. There shouldn't be pressure to give a lot. We had anything from 30 to 100 (not counting family) and would never think 30 was too little. That was what the person was comfortable with giving.

No I'm not either! You absolutely shouldn't feel that you have to pay to go to their wedding......

Would you give a friend who is likely to have an expensive wedding more than a friend who is likely to budget?!

HumansAreShocking · 02/06/2021 07:29

When attending a full day wedding id do £50 if just myself or £100 if both partner and I attend. I don’t give cash though, normally a voucher for something to do / honeymoon etc

BrilliantBetty · 02/06/2021 07:47

Would you give a friend who is likely to have an expensive wedding more than a friend who is likely to budget?!

Yes, I would tbh. A luxury wedding where a lot has been spent on my meal / drinks / entertainment I would give more than to a church hall reception with a few balloons and cold buffet. Probably £100 for us to attend the fancy do and £50 for the clearly on a budget wedding. Because I would recognise they'd spent money on us enjoying the day. It doesn't come cheap and while it's their choice, I'd give more to help them balance out the cost (and hope the food was good!)

HerMammy · 02/06/2021 07:57

The PPs saying they ignore the gift list and buy a gift of their own choice, that’s rather rude and selfish; thinking you know better.
Also some real tight-fists on here 🙄

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/06/2021 08:02

Not a fan of the “cover the seat” thing either. It’s like an entry fee.

A host is free to set the venue, food etc and guests have no say. Quite naive to think choices are made with guests in mind, in my experience it’s what the bride wants from the large weddings I’ve been too.

I’d spend more at a small wedding than a larger one. If the B&M want to spend a fortune on a party that’s down to them and guests shouldn’t feel obliged to pay the costs back,

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/06/2021 08:03

@BrilliantBetty

Would you give a friend who is likely to have an expensive wedding more than a friend who is likely to budget?!

Yes, I would tbh. A luxury wedding where a lot has been spent on my meal / drinks / entertainment I would give more than to a church hall reception with a few balloons and cold buffet. Probably £100 for us to attend the fancy do and £50 for the clearly on a budget wedding. Because I would recognise they'd spent money on us enjoying the day. It doesn't come cheap and while it's their choice, I'd give more to help them balance out the cost (and hope the food was good!)

Oh that's bit sad (not in a nasty way btw) that people gift based on how much wedding probably cost. It's not holidays yo be paid for. 😳
hellcatspangle · 02/06/2021 09:02

Tbh we tend to take into account what it has cost for us to be at the wedding. I'm not saying if we got invited to a wedding at the person's house with a buffet we would only give a tenner, but say we get invited to a wedding at a venue that's cost them £100 a head, we would give around £200. I don't really know why we have this approach!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/06/2021 09:10

@SGChome20

I’m really surprised at a lot of the answers here. I thought it was proper etiquette that you covered the cost of your meal, so if you’re attending as a couple it would be absolute minimum £100 but probably more like £150? Have I been an overly generous wedding guest my whole adult life??? For a sibling I’d definitely do considerably more FWIW I think your £300 is fair.
There's no such 'etiquette' as that, that's a restaurant, you pay for your meals in restaurants.
Viviennemary · 02/06/2021 09:11

On your high salary I think £500 is an appropriate amount.

FunMcCool · 02/06/2021 09:13

£200 is fine. We earn more than 70k and I’d say £200 is generous.

peboh · 02/06/2021 09:15

For close friends we usually gift around £100, so I would say for a sibling £200 sounds reasonable. It's not tight in the slightest.

peboh · 02/06/2021 09:18

Reading some of these replies. Do people really expect their guests, who choose to gift money, to cover the cost of their attendance at your wedding? When dh an I go married, I would have never dreamed of any of my friends or family thinking they had to cover the cost of their meal and seat. We invited them, therefore we paid for them.

TheKeatingFive · 02/06/2021 09:20

I’d never heard of the cover your plate thing until I came on here. I don’t know anyone in real life who worries about that.

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 09:22

Wow! £200 is a very generous wedding gift. Your husband may earn £70k but that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have other financial commitments too, £200 is absolutely plenty.

I guarantee they'll receive so many gifts of cash the amounts will become meaningless to them, and tbh if they were the sort of person to be miffed or judgmental that you didn't give them enough then that's valuable information to have on them and no reflection of you whatsoever.

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 09:24

@peboh

Reading some of these replies. Do people really expect their guests, who choose to gift money, to cover the cost of their attendance at your wedding? When dh an I go married, I would have never dreamed of any of my friends or family thinking they had to cover the cost of their meal and seat. We invited them, therefore we paid for them.
I'd never heard of that concept until MN lol. It's really not a thing IRL. A wedding gift is just that, a gift, not payment for a meal.

Any couple who expected guests to pay a certain amount to cover the food/entertainment would be so, so incredibly gauche it'd be embarrassing for them if they ever made that view known.

valnevavaxx · 02/06/2021 09:25

£300 is very generous OP.

Ignore all the posters who gave an opinion on giving cash even though you didn't ask for it- this is Mumsnet, where giving cash for a wedding is crass and impersonal but picking a pre-selected gift off an Amazon gift list is the height of thoughtfulness.

ClareBlue · 02/06/2021 09:25

Well UK born and living in UK when got married in Ireland and now live in Ireland and attended weddings in both.
This is a completely accurate assessment. In Ireland they do give more cash as wedding gifts. It's a fact.
Do it is you who has come across as illinformed and a bit irational here.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/06/2021 09:29

@Viviennemary

On your high salary I think £500 is an appropriate amount.
You would expect someone to hand over more cash because they earn more? How entitled. You have no idea what their commitments are, it's no one's business but really tacky to feel entitled to more of someone's money because they earn more.
ClareBlue · 02/06/2021 09:32

@TheKeatingFive

I’d never heard of the cover your plate thing until I came on here. I don’t know anyone in real life who worries about that.
This absolutely is a thing in Ireland. There is no way you would give less than 100 per person invited whatever your relationship.
RainingZen · 02/06/2021 09:37

Similar salary, my husband's only brother, he gave him £1000. For info I earned slightly more than DH at that time and our finances were in good shape.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/06/2021 09:37

So if you can't afford to stump up that kind of cash in Ireland you have to decline the invitation? Hmm I'd feel like a shit host if people who don't have a lot of money felt like they couldn't afford to come to an event I chose to host because they can't hand over a wodge of cash. Or have to go into debt, do without or 'save' for what's basically a party.

Glad I don't live there.