Help! How much to give as wedding present?

[User1357]

Hi all,

Husband is attending his brothers wedding on Saturday and we are unsure how much to give? What would you give to your brother for wedding day? They also have baby on the way.

We were think £200, but husband is a high earner £70000 and he’s worried it will look abit tight. We are currently a bit tied up with money as we have just renovated and do not have a lot of spare money.

Also, as to not drip feed, all siblings are very high earners so will more than likely be very generous.

Many thanks in advance :)

Yanbu-£200 fine.
YABU- you’d give more.

There are some borderline tightwads around (and as @BrilliantBetty says often among the high earners).
I'm from NI and think maybe the expectation there is higher?
I live in England and a few times have had really enthusiastic thanks from people whose wedding I attended going on about how generous the amount is when I only gave what would be a very average gift in NI.

For family weddings I always have flights plus hotel to factor in so maybe I get off lightly with my friends here since there's no flight cost.

£200 for a brother is fine, £300 even better and I'm sure they will be very happy with that.

We gave my DH's brother £500 for his wedding present about a decade ago.

Any opportunity to snipe about British people and you’ll take it

Erm, say what now?

@Potaytocrisps

There are some borderline tightwads around (and as *@BrilliantBetty* says often among the high earners). I'm from NI and think maybe the expectation there is higher? I live in England and a few times have had really enthusiastic thanks from people whose wedding I attended going on about how generous the amount is when I only gave what would be a very average gift in NI.

For family weddings I always have flights plus hotel to factor in so maybe I get off lightly with my friends here since there's no flight cost.

£200 for a brother is fine, £300 even better and I'm sure they will be very happy with that.

I wouldn't give more than a £100, I don't think I'm a tightwad, I just have very entitled siblings who expect generous gifts themselves but don't give anything themselves.

I’m from England and went to an Irish wedding once and had to be given a pep talk about giving cash and how much to give. I’d give £50 for a wedding in the U.K. and same for my siblings but in Ireland I’ve give more. No idea what I gave either of my siblings for their weddings as they got married when I was a student and poor!

It's a gift and I don't agree it should cover the cost of your attendance. It's up to the couple to decide what to spend on food and drink and this wouldn't determine what I'd pay as a guest either. Our wedding was about £50 a head 10 years ago and I wouldn't expect that. I wouldn't expect more from siblings. Most people gave us £15 ish. My sil gave £25 for 7 of them, but they are on a low income.

@TheKeatingFive

Any opportunity to snipe about British people and you’ll take it

Erm, say what now?

Sorry this is hilarious

I must say I have found the gifts at weddings in Ireland are like 200-300 euro per couple
Which is very good

In England I have many friends who put 20-40 quid in a card per couple
I think that is not so good

I'm Irish btw 🙌🙌🙌

I’m (Northern) Irish and got married in October last year.
We had a very small wedding but still got plenty of gifts from family. Some of my cousins gave around £30 each, while aunts/uncles gave around £200 per couple. My brother gave £500 (only two of us), and both sets of parents gave us £1000 each. All in all, we very nearly covered the cost of the day with all the (completely unexpected) gifts we got.

@BadEyeBri

£500-1000 for a brother

same here. I am not Irish, but when it's your siblings, you just want to give a bit more don't you?

When money is tight, you do what you can. £300 is absolutely fine.

Gifts from the list are the best, or cash.

The worst possible gifts are people going "off list" and giving specially chosen tat - sometimes expensive - that the bride and groom really didn't want!

In the circumstances, I'd say at least £200, so the £300 now proposed by the OP sounds fine.

And re the other posts - I'd expect a sibling to be close enough to follow the happy couple's wishes and gift cash as opposed to be being awkward about it and buying a "personal" gift that isn't on the registry and refusing to gift cash. I'm glad I'm not related to any of you!

@SGChome20

I’m really surprised at a lot of the answers here. I thought it was proper etiquette that you covered the cost of your meal, so if you’re attending as a couple it would be absolute minimum £100 but probably more like £150? Have I been an overly generous wedding guest my whole adult life??? For a sibling I’d definitely do considerably more FWIW I think your £300 is fair.

That's what I thought too. Pretty much an unwritten rule among our circle that it's £

*£100 per couple at the minimum. For my best friend I gave more and for my sisters I will give more when they get married. Cannot believe the £20 comment. Surely a joke?

We give £100 for friends, so £200 for close family seems reasonable to me.

@BillieSpain

Woulnd't give cash. Often don't even do the wedding list.

I actively avoid wedding lists. And £300 is nuts but it's your money and family.

£200 is fine for a brother. I usually give £100 if it's an extended family member and we've been given day invites. £50 for night invite.

The only time we've given a lot more was when DP was best man at a wedding and when I was MOH at another.

I've always stuck with cash gifts. Bride and groom have the freedom the spend it on what they need.

@SGChome20

I’m really surprised at a lot of the answers here. I thought it was proper etiquette that you covered the cost of your meal, so if you’re attending as a couple it would be absolute minimum £100 but probably more like £150? Have I been an overly generous wedding guest my whole adult life??? For a sibling I’d definitely do considerably more FWIW I think your £300 is fair.

Exactly what i was thinking and this seems to be quite standard with many of my friends. £100 for all day and more if I/DH have been bridal party.

Lovely up north why would you actively avoid lists and buy something bride and groom dont want .you are just wasting your money .honestly strange attitude

@Deedoubleyou

One of my good friends gave us £20, must say was a bit surprised.

We tend to give £100-£150, for siblings £250.
OH was best man so gave £250 then.

I prefer giving money to buying something that they might /might not want/use. It’s also much easier!

I think £200 is fine if the wedding will cost a lot to attend and my DH earns more than that (and I work full time too). Whether or not you earn well is a separate issue from how much you can afford to give from your family budget. We ostensibly have a lot coming in but with childcare costs, a large mortgage, kids and just general living aren't exactly rolling in cash.

BIL & SIL gave €1000 which we found extremely generous. We're not in Ireland (but similar traditions), around €300 for close friends. I also believe it's common to make sure you cover the cost of your attendance.

We gave £2k for my brother but we have lots of savings and my brother has none and had had a massive health issue so he couldn't work at that time. Never give more than you can afford I think anywhere from £200-500 is about right for a brother from a high earner (if you earned less obviously the amount would be less).

My husband earns more than £70k and we never give more than £100 at weddings. I thought that was quite generous.....

Christ, my family are obviously really generous then! We tend to give £100 to friends and £200+ for family members. More than that for close family. None of us are high earners and in the past I’ve been slightly embarrassed and wondered whether £100 for friends is enough.
I definitely think you should aim to cover the cost of the meal at a minimum.

I am not a big fan of the "cover your seat" thing. You are invited, you shouldn't have to worry about thst.

If you can afford 20, you can afford 20. If it's 200, 200. There shouldn't be pressure to give a lot. We had anything from 30 to 100 (not counting family) and would never think 30 was too little. That was what the person was comfortable with giving.