Immediate thoughts on this life-never satisfied.

[Toddlerdoesntlisten]

I have a friend who lives abroad, doors down from fields/woods and the beach. Average but nice house with garden, en suite, balcony. Not wealthy but ok and doesn’t have to work, stays at home with toddler Dd.
Has cleaners once per week.
Spends her days doing play dates, teaching/playing with her Dd, shopping, going to the beach and for coffees/lunch with Dd.

Immediate thoughts on this life, how does it sound to you?

Not to mention that constant heat can become as boring ,oppressive and frustrating as the grey ,wet England.

You’re not at work contributing to society

I’m so sick of this crap notion that SAHMs don’t contribute to society. Of course they do - they’re raising the next generation of society, just as working mums are! And how do you know SAHMs aren’t doing voluntary work or helping elderly neighbours (to give just one example) in addition to caring for their kids? There are plenty of ways to contribute to society other than simply paying taxes.

The thing is, living abroad is just that - living in a different place. It isn't like being on holiday, where everything is new and fresh and exciting. It just becomes the new normal. With some perks but some frustrations too.

I have been lucky enough to live in several very different countries and some truly beautiful environments. I have relished the experience, but the truth is, life is still life wherever you are.

It sounds like you're exhausted, OP, and worn down with the demands of your day to day life. Maybe you really need a break and that's why your friend's lifestyle seems so idyllic to you. I suspect that the reality is much more mundane.

I do wonder, given the high proportion of bullshit jobs which contribute nothing - absolutely nothing- to society, it's the people who spend their time raising the next generation who are accused of not throwing their effort into the pot?

I imagine she doesn’t feel particularly productive. I think that’s the cornerstone of good mental health and will mean something different for everyone.

I hope I did not give the impression that I think SAHMS are not contributing enough. Really did not mean to convey that. I only meant that it is not a way of life I enjoyed.

OP, you sound tired and burnt out, which is no surprise in a pandemic. I hope you can find some balance.

@peasoup8 if that was to me, my whole post was in defence of SAHM. I was one for 10 years. People don’t consider you to be contributing to society. They treat you like it’s a big holiday and a doss because it’s not ‘proper work’. I know what a SAHM contributes to society. I should have used inverted commas around the phrase.

people who spend their time raising the next generation

Yes, because it’s such a self-sacrifice, isn’t it, ‘raising the next generation’? As if WOHP aren’t also doing this.

And even a ‘bullshit job’ (I agree, there are plenty of these in finance, often occupied by big-job-type DHs) still contributes via taxation.

* And even a ‘bullshit job’ (I agree, there are plenty of these in finance, often occupied by big-job-type DHs) still contributes via taxation.*

To be fair, many many don’t.
No tax until circa £11k
So low income often don’t

@FourTeaFallOut

I do wonder, given the high proportion of bullshit jobs which contribute nothing - absolutely nothing- to society, it's the people who spend their time raising the next generation who are accused of not throwing their effort into the pot?

You know parents who work "bullshit jobs" are also raising the next generation! And all jobs contribute to society by, you know, TAXES?

@Sometimesfraught82

* And even a ‘bullshit job’ (I agree, there are plenty of these in finance, often occupied by big-job-type DHs) still contributes via taxation.*

To be fair, many many don’t.
No tax until circa £11k
So low income often don’t

Most low income jobs are very valuable to society, just undervalued.

Boring, unsatisfying, and unfulfilling, tbh.

Sounds like my life on furlough and it was shit!

• To be fair, many many don’t. No tax until circa £11k So low income often don’t*

Many of these types of job are very important to society though: carers, hospital auxiliary staff, retail workers, delivery drivers etc.

And the bullshit job fund managers etc. at least pay plenty of tax!

Sounds heavenly.

I think that those kind of days would be ok sometimes. If the toddler was being lovely, the weather was nice, the husband wasn't annoying, there were friends to chat to. But honestly, it would probably drive me mad if that's all I had in my life.

When it's the middle of winter and she's got no play dates arranged, she has no adults to speak to, she's got a whining, snot ridden child.

And if her relationship ever broke down where does that leave her? When her dd is a teenager, what will she do then?

Sounds pretty dull to me - I'd hate it

@HelenHywater What a negative view 🤣

I don’t think it really sounds like she has nothing in her life? She’s missing, what, a job maybe? And she had that before, all her life, it says above 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wouldn’t be for me unless there was something in there I could work at have some sense of achievement. A team sport, my music, learning something.

Maybe she does do that.

Staying at home with a toddler is not easy 🙈

Sounds somewhat isolated and dull. I would hate it and not be able to cope but everyone is different. To me a busy city life with friends and a job is ideal - idyllic and quiet retreats sound awful

My first reaction was - as dull as ditch water! That'd be lovely for a week or so but if that's all that your life was.. it would be boring and unsatisfying.