Immediate thoughts on this life-never satisfied.

[Toddlerdoesntlisten]

I have a friend who lives abroad, doors down from fields/woods and the beach. Average but nice house with garden, en suite, balcony. Not wealthy but ok and doesn’t have to work, stays at home with toddler Dd.
Has cleaners once per week.
Spends her days doing play dates, teaching/playing with her Dd, shopping, going to the beach and for coffees/lunch with Dd.

Immediate thoughts on this life, how does it sound to you?

It sounds quite a dull life. I wound miss the sense of purpose and the stimulation I get from work. But it’s not a horrible life; it’s fortunate in many ways.

Sounds boring to me.

From September her little one will go to nursery part time, so she’s able to go to the gym, run on the beach, sunbathe, swim and meet friends for coffee/lunch..is this not the perfect life?!

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

From September her little one will go to nursery part time, so she’s able to go to the gym, run on the beach, sunbathe, swim and meet friends for coffee/lunch..is this not the perfect life?!

I could live this life tomorrow if I want to. There is a reason why I do not. Meaningless.

Sounds awful to me but then I didn't enjoy maternity leave

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

From September her little one will go to nursery part time, so she’s able to go to the gym, run on the beach, sunbathe, swim and meet friends for coffee/lunch..is this not the perfect life?!

It sounds boring.

Nothing you have mentioned excites me and if that were my life I’d been thoroughly bored and depressed.

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

From September her little one will go to nursery part time, so she’s able to go to the gym, run on the beach, sunbathe, swim and meet friends for coffee/lunch..is this not the perfect life?!

It might be the perfect life for some. For others, it would seem incredibly dull and pointless.

Like I said, I'd enjoy that for a month or so. It would get pretty tedious after that.

The only question that really matters is whether she regards it as the perfect life. If it isn't perfect for her, then it doesn't really matter what you or any of the rest of us think, does it?

The poor woman is probably bored to tears.

From September her little one will go to nursery part time, so she’s able to go to the gym, run on the beach, sunbathe, swim and meet friends for coffee/lunch..is this not the perfect life?!

To be fair, now you've put this part it probably IS my perfect life.

Clearly wouldn't be for everybody though!

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

From September her little one will go to nursery part time, so she’s able to go to the gym, run on the beach, sunbathe, swim and meet friends for coffee/lunch..is this not the perfect life?!

Not for everybody, no. I would feel lost, personally. I like working, progressing in my career, and the sense of achievement I feel on a regular basis.

Sounds like bliss.

I think the key point you're obviously missing, OP, is that everyone is different. There is no single version of the ideal life. People have different values, different personalities and different psychological needs. Different levels of energy and drive, different aspirations, different thoughts on what life is all about. It's not wrong to want the kind of life that your friend has...but it's not wrong not to want it either.

@MareofBeasttown But why is it meaningless? I used to think that about not working but now I see my true meaning comes from my children, I’d so love to lead a relaxed life and to be able to put everything into them.
Why is it lacking meaning if she has a child to love and raise and a loving partner etc?

[quote Toddlerdoesntlisten]@MareofBeasttown But why is it meaningless? I used to think that about not working but now I see my true meaning comes from my children, I’d so love to lead a relaxed life and to be able to put everything into them.
Why is it lacking meaning if she has a child to love and raise and a loving partner etc?[/quote]
I guess I don't think my true meaning of life comes from my children:)

Superficially it sounds great.

But what are her relationships and connections really like? I can't imagine it's easy being abroad, away from family, during a global pandemic.

I had a toddler DD, financial security but worked 3 days a week. Tbh the hard part was not being about to share the load (family not able to help) so I was permenantly knackered as she didn't sleep. Was a difficult child so being a sahm wouldn't have been easier than working pt. A cleaner would gave been a godsend!

If you are a friend - ask her if she is happy. What would make her happy? Or go and chase that dream lifestyle yourself- what is stopping you?

@MareofBeasttown Where does your meaning in life come from? I love my job and studied, trained and worked hard for it, it’s also a profession that makes a difference in the world...but I won’t be lying on my death bed thinking about work, only my children, family and loved ones.

Work and earning at least some of my own money. Intellectual stimulation. Using my brain. Meeting professional contacts.

Also I led this life when my children were younger, put everything into them, and they are no different from the DC of mothers who worked all hours:)

@MareofBeasttown I think that can still be found if you don’t work, you can study further, read etc..but, yes, we’re all different. I wouldn’t say a life without work is meaningless though.

[quote Toddlerdoesntlisten]@MareofBeasttown But why is it meaningless? I used to think that about not working but now I see my true meaning comes from my children, I’d so love to lead a relaxed life and to be able to put everything into them.
Why is it lacking meaning if she has a child to love and raise and a loving partner etc?[/quote]
Maybe that is truly fulfilling and meaningful for some people, OP. Fair enough, if that's how they feel. For others, though, that just doesn't give them enough of a sense of purpose or meaning to feel like they're using their time well.

I adore my dd and we are incredibly close. My family is the most important thing for me, and my dd has indeed added a huge amount of meaning and joy to my life. However, I personally wouldn't be satisfied by a life that only revolves around my home and family. My dd is not an extension of me, but a separate person who will go on to follow her own dreams. She will not be with me forever - indeed, now that she is nearly 16, she is already doing her own thing a lot of the time. I would be lost at this point if I didn't have other things to focus on.

Perhaps it sounds arrogant, but I think I have talents and potential that can't be fully realised in the domestic sphere. I feel a strong internal drive to use my potential to make a positive difference in the world around me. Yes, my impact on the world starts at home, but it doesn't necessarily have to end there. I like to be stimulated, I like to learn new things, I like to tackle new challenges. It is important to me to feel that I am progressing and developing, and to experience a sense of achievement. I can't live vicariously through my daughter - yes, I rejoice in her achievements but they are hers and hers alone.

I'm sure I'm heavily influenced by my own mother in this regard, as she desperately regrets not having used her time differently. She feels that she could have done so much more with her life and that she wasted her potential. She was a great mum, but ultimately, it wasn't enough for her, and it wouldn't be enough for me either.

Again, I'm not judging anyone else for their choices. It's a very personal thing. I'm just saying that I couldn't live a life like that.

Mind numbingly boring to me. I know some would enjoy it, but sounds more like a retirement scenario. Is there nothing she wants to achieve/learn/do for herself? I couldn’t cope with not having my own income either. I enjoy shopping and the beach and days out with the kids, but I wouldn’t so much if I were doing it every day.

She’s happy I think, but, never seems completely satisfied with her life

Who is ever completely satisfied?

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

From September her little one will go to nursery part time, so she’s able to go to the gym, run on the beach, sunbathe, swim and meet friends for coffee/lunch..is this not the perfect life?!

For about two weeks, yeah.

But then I’d need a project.

I love my job and studied, trained and worked hard for it, it’s also a profession that makes a difference in the world...but I won’t be lying on my death bed thinking about work, only my children, family and loved ones.

Sadly, my mother has spent a great deal of time regretting the fact that she didn't have a career that enabled her to make a difference in the world. It is her greatest regret, and it really pains her. I wish she could have had that experience.

I haven't read the full thread but since you asked for initial thoughts mine are that I would be bored as hell within a couple of weeks. I even get bored on holiday!
I'd probably start planting seeds or baking and selling the produce.

For what it's worth, I'm not saying that a life without work is meaningless. Not at all. I'm just saying meaning is important, and that many people don't find enough meaning in family alone. Work can be one way of finding meaning, but it certainly isn't the only way.