Immediate thoughts on this life-never satisfied.

[Toddlerdoesntlisten]

I have a friend who lives abroad, doors down from fields/woods and the beach. Average but nice house with garden, en suite, balcony. Not wealthy but ok and doesn’t have to work, stays at home with toddler Dd.
Has cleaners once per week.
Spends her days doing play dates, teaching/playing with her Dd, shopping, going to the beach and for coffees/lunch with Dd.

Immediate thoughts on this life, how does it sound to you?

I wouldn’t personally enjoy being a stay at home mum, my two maternity leaves were plenty enough for me. Maybe it would sound better to me if it included part time work and lots of friends in similar situations to hang out and have play dates with?

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

I have a friend who lives abroad, doors down from fields/woods and the beach. Average but nice house with garden, en suite, balcony. Not wealthy but ok and doesn’t have to work, stays at home with toddler Dd. Has cleaners once per week. Spends her days doing play dates, teaching/playing with her Dd, shopping, going to the beach and for coffees/lunch with Dd.

Immediate thoughts on this life, how does it sound to you?

Boring, lonely, isolated, stilted, tedious. Absolutely awful.

I think I would literally die of boredom. I’d develop a serious wine problem and take up dangerous driving for a bit of excitement.

You’re clearly jealous and pissed off that she’s not happy

It wouldn't be my choice. I guess it suits some people, but it sounds rather empty to me. A little lacking in purpose.

Probably great for a few weeks/months, and then I'd find myself desperately wanting more.

I'd hate it.

@paralysedbyinertia But wanting how more? The only think is not having a job?

@Flowers500 No, not at all! I’d love that life and am happy to say that, I’ve often told her that, not jealous, perhaps a little envious for sure

*Thing

@Flowers500 She drinks plenty of wine, the difference is it’s on the beach or by the pool, rather than indoors watching Corrie 🤣

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

She goes on regular play dates with other mums, her partner works normal hours and no weekends. After work they go to the beach, have bbqs, eat out etc. She’s happy I think, but, never seems completely satisfied with her life, to me as an onlooker sat in the rain most days and having to work, it looks the perfect life! I don’t see why she isn’t happier or appreciated it more, if that makes sense?

Because she feels what she feels and we don't know why. If it bothers you so much then drop the friendship. You might look at my life from the outside and think it looks perfect and wonder why I am not happy.

[quote Toddlerdoesntlisten]@paralysedbyinertia But wanting how more? The only think is not having a job?[/quote]
It wouldn't have to be a job, but I would need some sort of purpose beyond my home and family. A sense of achievement, opportunities for learning and development, a feeling that I'm contributing to something bigger.

A job could potentially offer that, but I'm sure there would be other ways of pursuing those things. Voluntary work, perhaps, or possibly some hobbies.

I think I'd enjoy it initially, like a kind of extended holiday, but then I'd just want to get on with life. What you have describes sounds quite dull to me...a rather narrow, unfulfilling world.

I'm not knocking anyone who aspires to that kind of life, though, or those who actually live it. We are all different. It just wouldn't suit me because I wouldn't find it fulfilling or particularly meaningful.

You don't sound like you have much empathy, OP. It's pretty clear why her life might not be perfect - she has moved away from home and gone from working full time to being a SAHM. Many people would be climbing the walls in her position.

Boring as hell! Would be nice for a few weeks, after that I’d be climbing the walls.
That’s what holidays are for. If every day is holiday-like, then soon enough no days are holiday like. Then what else is there?

Nope, no thanks. Absolutely not for me!

It sounds like maybe spending a bit more time practicing gratitude for your own life might be more beneficial op.
I lived abroad somewhere which is always near the top of lists for high quality of life.
I was unhappy and homesick for a lot of it, people having seen our photos thought we were mad to move back.
We moved back to the UK and settled in Glasgow which isn't everyone's idea of nirvana
But I am much, much happier.

Also, is your friend a permanent resident where she lives or does she intend to return to the UK? If so, is she maintaining her NI contributions? It’s risky enough becoming dependent in your own country, let alone abroad. In the event it all goes tits up she may be ineligible for benefits in both the UK and her country of residence. Highly precarious and nothing to be envious of, OP!

It's easy to feel invisible/ unappreciated in that life. A lot will also depend on her relationship with her husband, and his genuine appreciation of her. She has no control over her current lifestyle, that is entirely dependent on her H wanting to stay with her. That's a pretty precarious life to have.

Slow death by boredom.

@Toddlerdoesntlisten

I have a friend who lives abroad, doors down from fields/woods and the beach. Average but nice house with garden, en suite, balcony. Not wealthy but ok and doesn’t have to work, stays at home with toddler Dd. Has cleaners once per week. Spends her days doing play dates, teaching/playing with her Dd, shopping, going to the beach and for coffees/lunch with Dd.

Immediate thoughts on this life, how does it sound to you?

This is my life, minus the cleaners.

I'm happier than I've ever been, and consider myself very lucky. But this is the life I have been wanting for 20 years... if it wasn't what someone wanted then they wouldn't be happy.

Not a single thing on your list aside from having a child would be considered if I was to weigh up if my life was contented. I would be looking at: is my relationship fulfilling and supportive; do I have close relationships with family and friends; do I socialise with them enough to not feel lonely; am I financially ok and am I in good health mentally and physically. I don't think what you're looking can give an indication to your friend's overall happiness.

@PaddleBoardingMomma Why 20 years?

My life was a bit like this when my children were small and we lived overseas. We had live-in help from the time my 3rd DD was born so I considered myself very lucky

None of us know what goes on behind closed doors with other people and their lives. What look idyllic may actually be the complete opposite in reality.

@SwedishEdith

Sounds dull, tbh. Where's the intellectual challenge or little manageable bit of stress to get you going? It's what worries me about full retirement.

Most work is the opposite of intellectually challenging. I've learned more in the last couple of years than the previous nine.

Most work is the opposite of intellectually challenging.

I guess that really depends on what you do.

I think I'd mostly enjoy it. I find toddlers quite draining and full on though, so I'd probably want to add in a part time job to mix things up a bit. Or even better, no job but a couple of mornings a week at childcare for the toddler...