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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adults getting stockings / compromising my DCs belief in Father Christmas

111 replies

NicFairy · 31/05/2021 12:18

I appreciate this is a very minor thing to be pondering, it’s just that it happens at nearly every family meet up.

DHs adult siblings all get stockings from their parents and parents in law. DH and I are the only ones with our own children: 9, 7 & 5 yrs old.

The adults like to bang on about these stockings in conversations right in front of our kids. We’re not even anywhere near Christmas but last week there were two conversations about what was in their stockings last Christmas and which parent gave it to them. I try to divert these conversations quickly without the kids realising something is up, but the adults don’t seem to ever get the hint.

At Christmas they ‘save’ their stockings to open in front of the rest of the family (including our kids - we were saved from this last year thanks to covid) and love to pointedly say things like “Oooh thanks DM!...oh, I mean thanks Father Christmas 😉😉” as if they think this makes it more subtle when actually it just makes it even more obvious.

One year my children did question it, so I said something like “They’re just being silly. Of course Father Christmas only brings stockings for children, those are just presents they’ve bought for each other because they wanted to join in”.

My DH thinks I would be overreacting to say something. He doesn’t think this kind of chat is a big deal or a problem. I know I am quite overprotective over not spoiling the whole FC thing for my kids, because of my own experience finding out very young and never having any memories of believing. The problem is that I can never say anything at the time, because my children are there. So to say something would mean bringing it up out of the blue in a group text, which makes it feel more of a big deal rather than a casual ‘by the way’.

We recently had a chat about the tooth fairy with our eldest (because DH had forgotten to swap the tooth for money and we decided DC was of an age where it seemed silly to make up a white lie about it). So I know eldest DC is extra sensitive to picking up truths about Father Christmas right now, but otherwise they still very firmly believe - despite the inevitable chat from kids at school about him not being real, I think without someone outright coming out and saying “your parents do it”, they just haven’t been presented with a logical alternative yet so they believe the story.

I know it won’t be much longer for my eldest and they should know before Year 6/7, but my younger two still have a few years left in them I think.

Am I being precious? Or would this bother you and would you say something? Should I just wait until they have their own kids, at which point mine will likely all be teens, and suddenly decide to become very loose with my FC chat? 😂

OP posts:
Footloosefancyfree · 31/05/2021 12:21

There's much more things to be worrying about in the world than this you sound batshit.

SmileEachDay · 31/05/2021 12:22

You’re being very precious. But then, I have a kiddo who decided FC was nonsense at about 5.

They’re going to work it out at some point anyway.

suspiria777 · 31/05/2021 12:23

It's MAY.

MindyStClaire · 31/05/2021 12:23

I am very precious about Santa and all things Christmas, but I think you're completely overreacting here. Just tell the kids that the adults get each other the stockings and have fun pretending they're from Santa, because they remember how much they enjoyed it when they were young and he came to them. It's a lovely tradition.

Also, I'd prepare yourself for the eldest not believing - I doubt many believe in Santa once the tooth fairy is gone.

DancesWithTortoises · 31/05/2021 12:25

The 9 year old already knows if s/he's at school. Very rare for the playground not to inform them around the age of 7.

Embracingthechaos · 31/05/2021 12:25

I don't understand what the problem is. Are you saying that they should hide their stockings from the children and not talk about them in front of the children because father Christmas only brings stockings to children?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/05/2021 12:26

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest but we only used FC as a tale where he was the delivery man. That way, they knew why they might have got more than friends and could actually thank the person who gifted the item.

hopeishere · 31/05/2021 12:27

Just stick with the line that their parents give them to be part of the fun but Santa brings the kids ones.

NicFairy · 31/05/2021 12:28

@DancesWithTortoises yes quite possible they do know and just haven’t revealed that to us. Every year I think “they can’t possibly still be believing it”, not my eldest, anyway. But then they get really invested in the Santa tracker website and working out what time he will be here etc, so I really don’t know. Either way, I know they like believing even if they know 😂

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 31/05/2021 12:29

You’re being ridiculous.

You’ve told your DC a lie and, naturally, lies start to fall apart after a while. That’s what is happening. Do you expect your siblings not to get presents? Or not to discuss their presents? Or not to thank the person that bought them the present? All unreasonable. Cover it up with more lies if you need to.

Plumbear2 · 31/05/2021 12:30

Christmas isn't just for kids. Tell them the adults give each other gifts and santa brings the kids gifts. Job done.

MargaretThursday · 31/05/2021 12:30

Not a problem. In our house we all get stockings. FC only brings to those who believe, adults do the rest (which is why you get less once you don't believe)

MadeOfStarStuff · 31/05/2021 12:30

YABU to be stressing about this in May!

And YABU to expect other people to change how they do Christmas because you’re precious about Father Christmas. Just keep to the line that the adults do them for each other cause it’s fun.

shouldistop · 31/05/2021 12:31

You're being ridiculously precious. Christmas doesn't just revolve around your children, it's for the whole family.

FilthyforFirth · 31/05/2021 12:31

You sound like such hard work. I bloody love Christmas and spend a lot of time and money making it magical for DS but this is batshit. It is so easily explained to your children I cannot believe you are thinking of bringing it up! I would completely ignore you if you did Hmm

imaginethemdragons · 31/05/2021 12:31

I get what you say op but yeah, you are being a bit precious.

The other side of the coin is that they are learning about people’s generosity and thoughtfulness and about how gift giving gives people so much pleasure and how to give appreciation for this kind gesture.
This is a true life human lesson for them isn’t it.
They won’t learn any of that from Santa as we don’t display this reaction to a fictional character.

Meh, it’s something and nothing isn’t it really.

LawnFever · 31/05/2021 12:31

You sound quite over invested in this, especially considering Father Christmas isn’t real!

Tell the kids the adults buy stockings for each other because they don’t get them from Father Christmas anymore and move on.

Packitupwillya · 31/05/2021 12:31

Why shouldn’t the adults join in Christmas fun? And why shouldn’t they thank the people who give them presents? Stop being so pathetic. You’re getting all upset that somebody might ruin the lie you told your children. Think about that for a moment…

OwlinaTree · 31/05/2021 12:32

Just carry on with what you've said, FC comes to kids and the grown-ups like to be FC for each other because he doesn't bring them gifts.

VienneseWhirligig · 31/05/2021 12:32

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss we did the delivery man story too - DH was a postie so DS understood the concept well. That way, he knew to thank family members for their generosity and didn't take anything for granted. I think you are being a bit daft.

NicFairy · 31/05/2021 12:32

Thanks for the replies. I definitely won’t mention it then as I can see from the responses that I am being precious. Genuinely wasn’t sure - it just really grates me that they have no sensitivity around the children with this. Especially in May when I’m caught off guard with not one but two very candid conversations in one week about parents gifting stockings. At least I’m usually prepared for it in December.

OP posts:
Rumplestrumpet · 31/05/2021 12:33

I'm afraid you are being a bit precious. The grown ups pretend Santa gives them presents, kids can be 'in on it' and play along, in the "knowledge" that Santa only gets presents for kids. It's fine.

But then I don't go in for Santa at all, and my kids have always known he's made up.

shouldistop · 31/05/2021 12:33

You've already explained to your dc that the adults get them for each other so they can join in so why does it matter that they're talking about it?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 31/05/2021 12:34

You think a 12 year old should still believe in Father Christmas until told otherwise?

shouldistop · 31/05/2021 12:34

I would also be very surprised if your 9yo hasn't worked it out yet.