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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adults getting stockings / compromising my DCs belief in Father Christmas

111 replies

NicFairy · 31/05/2021 12:18

I appreciate this is a very minor thing to be pondering, it’s just that it happens at nearly every family meet up.

DHs adult siblings all get stockings from their parents and parents in law. DH and I are the only ones with our own children: 9, 7 & 5 yrs old.

The adults like to bang on about these stockings in conversations right in front of our kids. We’re not even anywhere near Christmas but last week there were two conversations about what was in their stockings last Christmas and which parent gave it to them. I try to divert these conversations quickly without the kids realising something is up, but the adults don’t seem to ever get the hint.

At Christmas they ‘save’ their stockings to open in front of the rest of the family (including our kids - we were saved from this last year thanks to covid) and love to pointedly say things like “Oooh thanks DM!...oh, I mean thanks Father Christmas 😉😉” as if they think this makes it more subtle when actually it just makes it even more obvious.

One year my children did question it, so I said something like “They’re just being silly. Of course Father Christmas only brings stockings for children, those are just presents they’ve bought for each other because they wanted to join in”.

My DH thinks I would be overreacting to say something. He doesn’t think this kind of chat is a big deal or a problem. I know I am quite overprotective over not spoiling the whole FC thing for my kids, because of my own experience finding out very young and never having any memories of believing. The problem is that I can never say anything at the time, because my children are there. So to say something would mean bringing it up out of the blue in a group text, which makes it feel more of a big deal rather than a casual ‘by the way’.

We recently had a chat about the tooth fairy with our eldest (because DH had forgotten to swap the tooth for money and we decided DC was of an age where it seemed silly to make up a white lie about it). So I know eldest DC is extra sensitive to picking up truths about Father Christmas right now, but otherwise they still very firmly believe - despite the inevitable chat from kids at school about him not being real, I think without someone outright coming out and saying “your parents do it”, they just haven’t been presented with a logical alternative yet so they believe the story.

I know it won’t be much longer for my eldest and they should know before Year 6/7, but my younger two still have a few years left in them I think.

Am I being precious? Or would this bother you and would you say something? Should I just wait until they have their own kids, at which point mine will likely all be teens, and suddenly decide to become very loose with my FC chat? 😂

OP posts:
NeedNewKnees · 31/05/2021 13:12

Yes, you are being very precious, your DH is right. Adults having fun swapping stockings shouldn’t be subject to rules because they might disillusion your children. It’s their Christmas too.

Some excellent responses on this thread, so go with one of those.

TwoAndAnOnion · 31/05/2021 13:12

[quote NicFairy]@DancesWithTortoises yes quite possible they do know and just haven’t revealed that to us. Every year I think “they can’t possibly still be believing it”, not my eldest, anyway. But then they get really invested in the Santa tracker website and working out what time he will be here etc, so I really don’t know. Either way, I know they like believing even if they know 😂[/quote]
I like the Norad website and I dont believe in SC.

KaptainKaveman · 31/05/2021 13:12

I dunno...mine are 16 and 19 and still pretend they believe in Santa. I think it's a ploy to make sure I keep giving them a Christmas stocking each year! Every year my elder one says hesitantly ( in front of younger one) 'do you think Santa will come this year?', whereupon I merely tell them 'I don't know' and shake my head wistfully. Sometimes I do wonder how long this little charade will be sustained.

MouseholeCat · 31/05/2021 13:15

I think you're being very precious. What you tell your DC is what you tell your DC, I don't think you can expect everyone to pander to it. You have a good story to explain this already.

I think most kids twig the Father Christmas thing by 7/8 years old anyway and plenty aren't even upset about it.

Nightbear · 31/05/2021 13:20

It is a bit precious but I would judge adults who can’t manage to watch their mouths around children about Father Christmas, particularly as they’ve had 9 years to adjust.

polkadotclip · 31/05/2021 13:22

@FilthyforFirth

You sound like such hard work. I bloody love Christmas and spend a lot of time and money making it magical for DS but this is batshit. It is so easily explained to your children I cannot believe you are thinking of bringing it up! I would completely ignore you if you did Hmm
OP Comments like this are just mean. Assuming your In-laws are nice people who love your children, no reason why you can't ask them nicely to help preserve this for your kids.

Something like 'just wanted to alert you that the radar is up on this topic, I've told the kids that FC brings gifts to children only and the rest are from adults to each other. So they know if you mwntion gifts for adults being from FC that it's
a joke, but they believe gifts to them are from the great man. Really appreciate you all helping to keep Christmas extra special for them.'

Ignore the people here saying you are hard work or crazy etc. But maybe leave it a couple of months!

newnortherner111 · 31/05/2021 13:25

I'm concerned that at every family meet-up you are talking about Christmas, if that is the case. It's May!

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/05/2021 13:34

@Footloosefancyfree

There's much more things to be worrying about in the world than this you sound batshit.
Yes. This, exactly.
Pengwyn · 31/05/2021 13:40

I felt like an absolute fool when I found out FC isn't real and I didn't thank my parents for it. Don't build it up so much, it'll be worse for them later if you do that.

I went with the delivery man story too as we can't afford as much as other parents.

MoonshineTuttiFrutti · 31/05/2021 13:40

A 9 year old who still believes in Father Christmas? Confused

viques · 31/05/2021 13:41

Hottest day of the year so far, so let’s talk Christmas.........

Grin
TheNestedIf · 31/05/2021 13:43

Absolutely crackers.

(See what I did there? I was being facetious but also completely serious because Christmas is for everyone and I'm never going to be too old for a stocking or the Santa tracker.)

DappledThings · 31/05/2021 13:46

I said something like “They’re just being silly. Of course Father Christmas only brings stockings for children, those are just presents they’ve bought for each other because they wanted to join in”.
Well that covers it then doesn't it? Problem solved. Although I don't think it's really a problem in the first place and you don't need to include the sneery "silly" in that explanation.

PinkiOcelot · 31/05/2021 13:51

I can’t understand grown adults talking about their Christmas stockings on Boxing Day never mind in May. They’re bonkers!!

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 31/05/2021 13:53

@MoonshineTuttiFrutti

A 9 year old who still believes in Father Christmas? Confused
What’s with the Confused? Mine still believes at that age.
ZeroFuchsGiven · 31/05/2021 13:55

I'm sat outside in the blazing sun watching the kids in the pool, ice cold sex on the beach in my hand reading about Christmas Stockings.

Thanks for the laugh op.

ZoeCM · 31/05/2021 13:55

You’ve told your DC a lie and, naturally, lies start to fall apart after a while. That’s what is happening.

This! When it comes down to it, parents who tell their kids Santa is real are lying through their teeth Grin There's only so long you can realistically continue with such a massive lie without holes being poked in it.

Doesn't Google just ruin Santa for kids nowadays, anyway?

Adultasd · 31/05/2021 13:56

FC is real.

Itsamess8456 · 31/05/2021 13:57

The 9 year old will know soon enough - there will be chat on the playground nearer Xmas and he'll soon be put right by his friends.

He'll then quickly tell his siblings and they will know from an earlier age....

My children are now 14, 12 and 9 and we still joke that Santa is coming on Xmas eve. We still even put out a biscuit and carrot...

I really wouldn't worry about them. Its these natural little slip ups that raise their curiosity and question it - which they should as it isn't true!

OverByYer · 31/05/2021 14:00

Errr it’s not even June yet ffs

MsJuniper · 31/05/2021 14:00

I teach Y3 (7/8) and most of them still believe. If the subject comes up then one or two might start to make a comment and I move the conversation swiftly on as it's clear that most of them have not yet stopped believing.

I think your explanation is fine though OP. My mum still sends me a stocking and my children just accept that it's different from theirs.

Nothingyet · 31/05/2021 14:02

Father Christmas visited children when I was very young, and he is still visiting children today.
He is as real than anything else in life.

Lalliella · 31/05/2021 14:04

What??? Is Father Christmas not real? Is my stocking from 85 year old DM? You’ve ruined my life OP.

ErykahBaddy · 31/05/2021 14:10

@Nothingyet

Father Christmas visited children when I was very young, and he is still visiting children today. He is as real than anything else in life.
That is so deep
Looubylou · 31/05/2021 14:10

I sympathise - I've been known to make pointed comments or give the evil eye to people in these situations. I also asked wider family to stop saying santa had left (lots of) presents for dc at their home. I wanted them to get proper thanks for their very thoughtful and generous gifts. Fortunately for me the adults have all been super keen to preserve the magic too. My dc was just 10 last Xmas, I have huge doubts they fully believe, but they still want to. I think they were confused between logic and the fact that all their friends firmly believed. This year I suspect they will pretend to us at least - either that or become 🙄 I hope it is the former. OP I think the explanation re adults joining in the fun us best option for you. Have a fab Christmas 🤶

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