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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults getting stockings / compromising my DCs belief in Father Christmas

111 replies

NicFairy · 31/05/2021 12:18

I appreciate this is a very minor thing to be pondering, it’s just that it happens at nearly every family meet up.

DHs adult siblings all get stockings from their parents and parents in law. DH and I are the only ones with our own children: 9, 7 & 5 yrs old.

The adults like to bang on about these stockings in conversations right in front of our kids. We’re not even anywhere near Christmas but last week there were two conversations about what was in their stockings last Christmas and which parent gave it to them. I try to divert these conversations quickly without the kids realising something is up, but the adults don’t seem to ever get the hint.

At Christmas they ‘save’ their stockings to open in front of the rest of the family (including our kids - we were saved from this last year thanks to covid) and love to pointedly say things like “Oooh thanks DM!...oh, I mean thanks Father Christmas 😉😉” as if they think this makes it more subtle when actually it just makes it even more obvious.

One year my children did question it, so I said something like “They’re just being silly. Of course Father Christmas only brings stockings for children, those are just presents they’ve bought for each other because they wanted to join in”.

My DH thinks I would be overreacting to say something. He doesn’t think this kind of chat is a big deal or a problem. I know I am quite overprotective over not spoiling the whole FC thing for my kids, because of my own experience finding out very young and never having any memories of believing. The problem is that I can never say anything at the time, because my children are there. So to say something would mean bringing it up out of the blue in a group text, which makes it feel more of a big deal rather than a casual ‘by the way’.

We recently had a chat about the tooth fairy with our eldest (because DH had forgotten to swap the tooth for money and we decided DC was of an age where it seemed silly to make up a white lie about it). So I know eldest DC is extra sensitive to picking up truths about Father Christmas right now, but otherwise they still very firmly believe - despite the inevitable chat from kids at school about him not being real, I think without someone outright coming out and saying “your parents do it”, they just haven’t been presented with a logical alternative yet so they believe the story.

I know it won’t be much longer for my eldest and they should know before Year 6/7, but my younger two still have a few years left in them I think.

Am I being precious? Or would this bother you and would you say something? Should I just wait until they have their own kids, at which point mine will likely all be teens, and suddenly decide to become very loose with my FC chat? 😂

OP posts:
choli · 31/05/2021 12:37

My DH thinks I would be overreacting to say something.
He's right.

Original poster
NicFairy · 31/05/2021 12:37

For those saying why shouldn’t the adults get presents and thank those who gave them presents: in our family we do stockings from Santa for the kids, and then we also do presents under the tree from family. Santa doesn’t bring everything, and DHs siblings still get lots of presents from family, they just also get extra presents in stockings for the fun of it - I just wish they would open these particular stocking presents in the morning before we come round, and that they wouldn’t say they are from FC at the same time as thanking their parents for their FC gifts.

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 31/05/2021 12:40

But then they get really invested in the Santa tracker website and working out what time he will be here etc, so I really don’t know

I'm in my 40s and I get really invested in the Santa tracker too and I haven't believed since I was at least 6 or 7.

It's normal for kids to not believe most of the year and then believe a lot more around the time that Santa is actually going to bring them a present as well. And for your oldest to manage to believe far longer than your youngest will.

Your children are learning a lovely lesson of adults being excited about Christmas and being grateful for receiving gifts, the joy of being a gift-giver - isn't that better than a magic stranger who breaks into your house?

kowari · 31/05/2021 12:41

The grown ups pretend Santa gives them presents, kids can be 'in on it' and play along, in the "knowledge" that Santa only gets presents for kids.
I agree, it's easy.

You can't dictate that others can't have their traditions just because it may contradict what you've decided to tell your children. You need to work around it.

Chemenger · 31/05/2021 12:43

@suspiria777

It's MAY.
And there is a specific section for people who want to discuss Christmas just as summer begins. It’s under Fun and Games.
kowari · 31/05/2021 12:44

I just wish they would open these particular stocking presents in the morning before we come round, and that they wouldn’t say they are from FC at the same time as thanking their parents for their FC gifts.
That's their decision though, you can't tell other people how they should celebrate Christmas.

Blossomtoes · 31/05/2021 12:48

Neither of your older children believe in Santa any more and the youngest one won’t by Christmas. What a non issue.

ilovesooty · 31/05/2021 12:49

If your 9 year old doesn't know yet I bet he will by December.

The tooth fairy is a complete fabrication, not a "white lie" anyway and he already knows about that.

I don't see why the family can't do Christmas as they like. It's up to you what you tell your children.

Original poster
NicFairy · 31/05/2021 12:50

@Chemenger woops I did not know this. Only ever visit a couple of forums on Mumsnet. Perhaps an admin will move it to that section.

OP posts:
Bufferingkisses · 31/05/2021 12:51

I think you already have it covered. Santa brings children stockings. The adults get each other them because they want to join in... that's it sorted Smile

HunterHearstHelmsley · 31/05/2021 12:52

You can't police how other people do Christmas and Father Christmas. Even in the playground different children will have different experiences. My family have always done all presents from Father Christmas, do your children go along with this with other children? It could be spoiling it for them otherwise..

This is obviously their family tradition. If you don't like it clashing with how you do things then you need to change how you do it.

Namechangedlady · 31/05/2021 12:52

The shops have signs saying 'stocking fillers' all over the place during December. How do you manage those situations?

thelegohooverer · 31/05/2021 12:53

I’m out of step here obviously but I have sympathy op. There’s stages to the Santa tradition - believing when you’re very little, pretending to believe as you work out your angle, playing along ironically as a teen/young adult and then taking part in the conspiracy as an adult when there are little ones around.
They’re still in the irony stage, and haven’t stepped up to the responsibility of having little ones around, and presumably since they’re still playing the game as adults, they were believers themselves at one point.

I’m not saying they shouldn’t get their stockings but they could say obliquely “Father Christmas is amazing” or shout thank you up the chimney, like lots of adults in these situations do.

I think you’ve handled it as well as you can with your dc. And it’s obvious from the responses here that discussing it with them won’t get you far. What you’ve said so far is fine, and if they start to question it more deeply they’re probably ready to know.

If you have a look in the Christmas topic, there are discussions every so often about dc finding out and how to manage that stage with them. It might be better to plan ahead rather than try and tackle insensitive adults who, if they haven’t the insight to reign it in by themselves, aren’t likely to change.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 31/05/2021 12:54

YABVU to be even thinking about this just as the sun has come out and our summer (in the UK at least) can finally begin.

hiredandsqueak · 31/05/2021 12:55

I fill my adult dc a stocking, I also fill a stocking for my grandchild. The stocking he gets at home is from FC and the stocking he opens here with his Aunts and Uncles is from Granny. He doesn't seem to be bothered tbh. Children are capable of accepting anything given the chance. I'd just say FC doesn't bring stockings for adults so Granny does them so they can all join in.

Cas112 · 31/05/2021 12:55

Get a grip

Sally872 · 31/05/2021 12:57

It is good if your eldest gets clues and realises for themselves rather than being shocked when they find out.

The will be questioning at school already.

ilovesooty · 31/05/2021 12:58

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

YABVU to be even thinking about this just as the sun has come out and our summer (in the UK at least) can finally begin.
Obviously posters can't police what people think about but is a Christmas thread outside the dedicated forum before the end of May a record?
MenaiMna · 31/05/2021 13:01

Here's a story if you want one: "New babies are born all over the world every year...even Santa can't keep up if he has to look after the older ones. He looks after the children up to age ten. After that he delegates to parents and loved ones and those who love Santa best will be giving stockings and gifts to their older kids and adults all their lives." the story checks out for them until they are old enough to let themselves stop believing. It also makes sense for when the gifts are more recognisably shop bought. Yes it's magic and lies but it's nice to show them an example of selfless gift giving they can participate in as they get older.

TotorosCatBus · 31/05/2021 13:03

This would have been easily solved if you and your h exchanged stockings starting years ago so the chat wasn't so weird at your ILs.

NoSquirrels · 31/05/2021 13:05

One year my children did question it, so I said something like “They’re just being silly. Of course Father Christmas only brings stockings for children, those are just presents they’ve bought for each other because they wanted to join in”.

This is absolutely the right response. And think of it this way - when they are old enough that true belief in FC is waning, they know that stockings are still a fun part of the Christmas spirit that everyone in the family enjoys and takes part in. Adults carrying on the ‘magic’ even if they’re no longer eligible for the ‘true believers’ bit.

UserEleventyNine · 31/05/2021 13:07

I'm in my 40s and I get really invested in the Santa tracker too and I haven't believed since I was at least 6 or 7.

Me too, and I'm even older!

PurpleRainDancer · 31/05/2021 13:09

@Footloosefancyfree

There's much more things to be worrying about in the world than this you sound batshit.
This
KingAlex · 31/05/2021 13:11

I have a 6&8yo. They put Christmas presents in a stocking for their Me, DH and the dog every year. It's fine, it's just a game and you are over thinking it. However I do also get your frustration and I think a lot of it comes with joining families and blending different Christmas traditions together.

I'd like to continue giving my children stockings forever and I'm sure that's the same for your in-laws and maybe even you one day!

Dishwashersaurous · 31/05/2021 13:11

I confused about what your issue is.

You've already said that santa does stocking for children and that in that side of the family they also give each other presents in stocking as well.

Lots of people do adult stockings for small gifts and children don't get confused.