Adults getting stockings / compromising my DCs belief in Father Christmas

[NicFairy]

I appreciate this is a very minor thing to be pondering, it’s just that it happens at nearly every family meet up.

DHs adult siblings all get stockings from their parents and parents in law. DH and I are the only ones with our own children: 9, 7 & 5 yrs old.

The adults like to bang on about these stockings in conversations right in front of our kids. We’re not even anywhere near Christmas but last week there were two conversations about what was in their stockings last Christmas and which parent gave it to them. I try to divert these conversations quickly without the kids realising something is up, but the adults don’t seem to ever get the hint.

At Christmas they ‘save’ their stockings to open in front of the rest of the family (including our kids - we were saved from this last year thanks to covid) and love to pointedly say things like “Oooh thanks DM!...oh, I mean thanks Father Christmas 😉😉” as if they think this makes it more subtle when actually it just makes it even more obvious.

One year my children did question it, so I said something like “They’re just being silly. Of course Father Christmas only brings stockings for children, those are just presents they’ve bought for each other because they wanted to join in”.

My DH thinks I would be overreacting to say something. He doesn’t think this kind of chat is a big deal or a problem. I know I am quite overprotective over not spoiling the whole FC thing for my kids, because of my own experience finding out very young and never having any memories of believing. The problem is that I can never say anything at the time, because my children are there. So to say something would mean bringing it up out of the blue in a group text, which makes it feel more of a big deal rather than a casual ‘by the way’.

We recently had a chat about the tooth fairy with our eldest (because DH had forgotten to swap the tooth for money and we decided DC was of an age where it seemed silly to make up a white lie about it). So I know eldest DC is extra sensitive to picking up truths about Father Christmas right now, but otherwise they still very firmly believe - despite the inevitable chat from kids at school about him not being real, I think without someone outright coming out and saying “your parents do it”, they just haven’t been presented with a logical alternative yet so they believe the story.

I know it won’t be much longer for my eldest and they should know before Year 6/7, but my younger two still have a few years left in them I think.

Am I being precious? Or would this bother you and would you say something? Should I just wait until they have their own kids, at which point mine will likely all be teens, and suddenly decide to become very loose with my FC chat? 😂

You're being silly.
Santa only brings toys for DC. Adults buy for each other.

@suspiria777

It's MAY.

Practically JUNE.

Just to add, I agree children working it out themselves, from little slip ups or just logic, is best. My friends daughter was absolutely furious when her father decided to very deliberately just drop the bombshell one day. She had still totally believed and was devastated to be lied to. Equally furious mother 😂

@NicFairy so hang on.. because you have children the adults shouldn't give each other presents at Christmas? Or is it just the fact the presents are in a stocking that is pissing you off?

Yes, YABU if you want to control how other people celebrate Christmas or censor their conversations about Christmas. You can choose how you celebrate, but the rest of the family is under no obligation to follow suit. It's up to you to explain any disparities to your children.

Honestly, I don't understand the relatively recent obsession with maintaining children's belief in Santa. It used to be that parents were quite philosophical about their children finding out the truth, usually from other children at school. Now people seem to go to great lengths to "preserve the magic" (blech) for years and years, long past the age that most kids probably already know the truth. Oddly enough, these are often the same parents who give their young children mobile phones, allow free access to the internet and inappropriate video games, etc. And yet they are unbelievably precious about this one aspect of childhood. (I'm not suggesting the OP falls into this category, as I obviously have no way of knowing. It is just something that I observe frequently IRL.)

The trick to children believing in Santa is never admit anything and never try to explain anything either. The answer is always variations of "I don't know" or "what do you think".

Still works with ds(17) 🤣

I've always thought it was odd how some people explain Santa bringing gifts - we always knew that Santa delivered EVERYTHING, but that it is the parents/family/friends who send the gifts or money to Father Christmas and he delivers them. Like a postman. So if a child at school got less than another child, it was not because Santa liked them less.

Good grief, We have never had to deal with this sort of thing, when myself,and other relations had small children.Maybe it's because all the children, had all the presents, and the parents were not bothered about things for themselves. Children, according to their ages,either believed in Santa, or got wise about things, and there were never any issues about anything at all.. and definitely no discussions about Christmas things in the Summer, and Christmas things only came up for talking about, a bit way through December.

How can people be caring about these things quite this much? It’s May. I have a 5 year old and and an 18 month old who enjoy Christmas plenty and in not the remotest world would this even register with me.

I also don’t get what e obsession with The Great Belief is. I don’t know what DS believes or not at 5. We neither confirm nor deny. We have fun. Christmas is fun. And plenty magical. But none of this stress with creating and then maintaining for years and years The Great Belief.

Fuck me the Christmas threads have started early this year.

Either you're batshit for worrying about it so far in advance, or batshit for still dwelling on it from last Christmas. You choose.

I don’t see the problem. Everybody in our house gets a stocking, regardless of age, but young children know that Father Christmas doesn’t come to grown ups, so Granny does one for Grandpa, etc. because it’s still nice, even when you’re as old as Granny (me).

Bonkers and unseasonal.

Double YABU

In our family (stockings for all of anyone other than dp and me including eg aged parents in 80s when they were alive) we always take care. If anyone younger is around either when discussing (in may!!??) or on the day or after the event we always explain the truth. That Father Christmas likes us to step up and share the joy even though he only actually delivers himself to younger generation.

Do you and your DH get a stocking from parents/Santa too? Also, how come so many of you are together opening presents at the same time, even in normal times, if they are from in laws too. Everyone can't be at the same place at the same time to open both sets of presents. My granddaughter caught us out last year with one of her stocking presents when she turned it over and said, 'This can't be from Santa's workshop, it's got a Boots label stuck on it' Be warned!

I think the unseasonable chat about Christmas in May is probably heightened because it’s the first time we’ve spent any meaningful time with wider family since covid.

Sorry people are offended by a Christmas post when at this time of year (the word is in the thread title, you don’t have to click on it and comment).

PPs have got it spot on when they say there are phases to believing and the wider family are in the irony stage and have not yet adjusted to having small children around.

I have an older brother so also found out very young, at least I assume I did as I can't really remember ever believing in Father Christmas, I can't say it's ever bothered me though!

Anyway I think inconsistencies are best, so DC work it out for themselves. My eldest pretty much worked it out at 7/8ish with a shrug. My friend who had kept up many elaborate tales and traditions had a completely devastated child when he found out. I honestly don't get the obsession with "keeping the magic alive", just seems to be setting your kids up for a massive fall to me...

@NicFairy
There’s a Christmas topic here where you can discuss Christmas all year round.
Come on over

@quizqueen no we don’t get stockings from parents and me and DH don’t do them for each other, only our kids.

The siblings that still live at home get stocking from their parents (DCs grandparents), and the ones that don’t live at home get stockings from their partners and also from their in laws. It’s a lot of stockings on top of the regular family presents under the tree from each other. Me, DH and the kids open our presents at home in the morning, the wider family keep all their presents (including the stockings which are just small novelty gifts) to open in front of us when we come round in the afternoon.

I realise I come across absolutely bonkers to be thinking about this now. I was mulling over a conversation from yesterday that skirted the lines for me as the kids were right there and listening. But I can see that it’s not up to me to police and it’s something I just need to lump. Will be easier once all the kids know, I guess.

@shouldistop

You've already explained to your dc that the adults get them for each other so they can join in so why does it matter that they're talking about it?

Exactly this...

I still get one from my mum. She likes to give one to my kids too. They get given out with tree presents at lunchtime so are clearly different to the morning, FC ones.

@DancesWithTortoises

The 9 year old already knows if s/he's at school. Very rare for the playground not to inform them around the age of 7.

Mumsnet always says this. But my dd was really pissed off for confirming Santa isn’t real when she was 10, so much so that she decided to ignore me and put out a carrot, milk and a mince pie on Xmas eve. By Christmas at 11 she decided not to believe and we discussed not telling her friends I’d as a parent confirmed this as some of them still believed.

My 10 year old doesn't know for sure. She's heard playground rumours but lots of her friends still 'believe'

I think the responses you’ve got are a bit mean - it wouldn’t kill the adults to skip saying “I mean Father Christmas whoops” and confusing your kids. I’d say something about it one evening after the kids are in bed just before next Christmas, just explain what you’ve told your kids and ask them not to do the fake pretending in front of the kids because that gives it away more than anything else. I think that would be perfectly reasonable. A bit weird to bring it up with them now though.

@reader12

I think the responses you’ve got are a bit mean - it wouldn’t kill the adults to skip saying “I mean Father Christmas whoops” and confusing your kids. I’d say something about it one evening after the kids are in bed just before next Christmas, just explain what you’ve told your kids and ask them not to do the fake pretending in front of the kids because that gives it away more than anything else. I think that would be perfectly reasonable. A bit weird to bring it up with them now though.

I agree with this. The adults sound very immature. It is rubbish that they cannot control their conversation around your dcs. When they have children, they’ll probably be the first to expect you to be quiet around them. Usually the way.