Busy, busy, busy!

[Darkdecent]

People who don't work, haven't worked for years, have one child in full time school.
She's always busy, busy, super busy today!
How busy can you be?

Why do they say this? I know people who are genuinely busy but never mention it.

Is it some sort of insecurity that they feel they should be doing more?

Everyone claims to be so busy nowadays- mostly it's just an excuse not to do anything other than what they want to do.

Yesterday I was busy as I had tradesmen to the house, gardened for 4 hours, did a grocery shop, cleaned the patio and rang my mother before doing school pick up and taking child to an activity (in which I also participated) then cooking dinner and delivering some plants to a neighbour.

Am I not allowed to say that I'm busy because I wasn't in paid work?

And even if she's not busy OP, honestly what does it matter if she says she is? Just ignore it. It is immature to care so much about whether or not she is busy by your standards.

@Daphnise

Everyone claims to be so busy nowadays- mostly it's just an excuse not to do anything other than what they want to do.

Nothing wrong with that.

@OldkermitSippingtea

Is "working" the only form of being busy? Couldn't someone be busy at home cleaning, mending clothes, washing dishes, answering chat messages, surfing the net, ironing, food-shopping and meal prepping, etc? Aren't those "work" too?

Surfing the net and answering chat messages isn’t work no. And there is a limit to how much housework and meal prep there can be if you have one kid in school as per the OPs example

But anyway going on about being busy is just a way of bugging yourself up or protecting yourself isn’t it, whether you really are busy or not.

Only thing to do is don’t engage.

@Myrighteyeball so I read your post and thought 'thats not busy that's a lovely chill day' so I guess busy depends on the person! Your busy day is what I would do to relax.

Doesn't mean that either of us are better or more important, we all just have different opinions on what busy is, which I guess this thread has highlighted.

I guess there is different kinds of 'busy'

Busy 1: The 'I have a life which is sufficiently occupied by tasks that I am content/have taken on too much' regardless of what the tasks are out what sort of percentage of time they occupy.

And

Busy 2: my life is very full from non optional things like working so I can pay bills, caring duties and basic household chores.

A person in category 2 will often have very limited leisure time, hobbies etc, not rest enough etc.

Whilst I can't see why a person in category 1 might feel busy, they are often have tasks which they could stop doing at any time. No one of forcing them to go out and have fun and they could stop without being made homeless or neglecting their children etc.

I can see why a person in category 2 would feel frustrated, when, for example, working full time and being a single parent to children, someone complains that they are too busy because they like to do gardening and get their nails done a lot.

My in laws often expect us to take time off work to cover and fix things like computer problems because they are too busy to drive the laptop to us (retired, no voluntary activities) even though we have two small children and both work.

They may feel busier than us, but it's not them getting 6hrs sleep on a good night, and with little time for fun...

Honestly, I've been busier in life. I wouldn't quite put myself fully in category 2 right now (but have been) so this isn't me feeling bitter. I love that people can fill their lives with fun activities, and be 'busy' with fun.

However, just as I wouldn't complain about long hours when working 20 a week to a to fellow parent who works 60, telling a person who is knackered through non optional tasks that you are busy with fun isn't going to get a lot of sympathy surely.

Sometimes I’m busy sleeping, reading or binge watching Netflix 😂

I get up at 3am, run a marathon before breakfast, take my own and the neighbours' children to four different schools, run several companies, take children to elite sports training, cook dinner for my elderly relatives, do all the housework / gardening / life admin, sing in a choir, volunteer at the homeless shelter, nap for an hour or two, then get up at 2am to do it all again

I can’t work out whether this post is genuine or not.

Because some people think if you’re not busy all the time you’re being lazy. See it on here all the time. Maybe she only says it to you as you make her feel insecure? You did sound judgemental when you said you couldn’t do as little as she does (or words to that effect). You’re partaking in the busy-busy competition.

Couldn't care less

@OldkermitSippingtea

Is "working" the only form of being busy? Couldn't someone be busy at home cleaning, mending clothes, washing dishes, answering chat messages, surfing the net, ironing, food-shopping and meal prepping, etc? Aren't those "work" too?

Ha! Ok. Do you imagine that people who work do not also do these basic things that take up a small proportion of the day?

@Imapotato

I work full time, have teenage kids with busy schedules who need running here their and everywhere, I’m studying for a degree and try to find time to exercise, socialise and do house work. I feel like I’m quite busy, but not I manageable.

My mum, hasn’t worked for over 30 years, isn’t a keen house wife and doesn’t keep the place immaculate and generally doesn’t do an awful lot.

To talk to us, she would probably describe herself as the busier one, she always feels like she has a lot on. Having to do the food shop is a busy day.

It’s all about perspective. 🤷‍♀️

That's delusion rather than perspective.

@EishetChayil

Maybe she does do charity work but just doesn't shout about it.

Not a big leap. 🤔

I think it's subjective. I know someone who posted a Facebook post recently about how busy she was - she said she was feeling envious about friends able to sit in the garden on a lovely day but she said she had no chance of doing that as she's so busy all the time.
She listed what she was busy with and it included loading and emptying dishwasher, putting a wash load on, running eldest to a Saturday school session, and so on. She does work but as a MLM sales bot.
Everything she listed I do most days as well as working but in her head I'm sure she believed she's "out-busying" everyone else.

@thisplaceisweird it really wasn't, the gardening was heavy (cutting things down/back mostly then carrying them up our steep block, moving rocks and digging out 2 tree roots) and it was all done very quickly to fit everything in before going back to work today. I started at 8 and didn't sit down except in the car until dinner at nearly 7pm - it could have been chill if I'd done half the things. I guess it depends in part on how hard/fast one works.

I think it also depends on the amount of control you have over the activities you are doing. Busy doing leisure stuff is different busy to earning money or looking after children. Some people rate their leisure stuff as busy stuff but in fact they could stop doing it at any time... people moaning about that kind of busy are tiresome.

I don't know if anyone has said this already but as a SAHM to school aged children I try to project busyness in order to put off CFs who want to give me jobs to do. All those "playdates" for kids your kid doesn't even like. One of my kids' friends' mums remarked that since I got on so well with her 3yo, I might enjoy picking her up from nursery and looking after her every day until the mum got home from work?

I always feel more 'busy' when I have a thousand small things to do compared to when I just need to go to work and get on with it. I used to work full time. Now I'm part time (and free lance so more balls in the air). AS I'm not at work all day I'm the one people ask for favours and I help elderly neighbours, family etc. I actually don't have that much to do in terms of hours but it feels more hectic than when I just used to work full time. Maybe just because I;m a disorganised person though so a full time job was easier to get my head around.

If you are going to measure 'busyness', it's probably fairer to measure it relative to how much fuel a person has got in their tank.

@OldkermitSippingtea

Is "working" the only form of being busy? Couldn't someone be busy at home cleaning, mending clothes, washing dishes, answering chat messages, surfing the net, ironing, food-shopping and meal prepping, etc? Aren't those "work" too?

Answering chat messages and surfing the net are not work no. The rest is.

Just don't engage in her competition op. Just comment you had a lovely relaxing day.

@OldkermitSippingtea

Is "working" the only form of being busy? Couldn't someone be busy at home cleaning, mending clothes, washing dishes, answering chat messages, surfing the net, ironing, food-shopping and meal prepping, etc? Aren't those "work" too?

To be fair, those are all activities that most people have to fit around work / children. Doesn't mean she's doing nothing with her day, but I do always feel a bit frustrated to hear that my (retired, mostly self-isolating) mother is 'busy busy busy', it feels like either a subtle complaint or otherwise total failure to realise how much many other people are having to do.

Op is still a bit u, but I really do sympathise with how annoying it feels.

Totally agree. It's not a competition or up to anyone to judge, but also it's insensitive if rattle off all the things/chores that people who do paid work have to squeeze in an even tighter schedule

Retired people like parents and in laws are most guilty of that

I ve been a SAHM and now I work part time and I am doing a degree part-time. I am much more busy now in the literal sense but during my time as a SAHM I thought I was busy too. Just busy in a different way but still filling my day up. I definitely think you fill the time available. I had quite a lot of time available really and would fill it doing kids stuff mostly, very little time for myself but still felt busy. Now I feel slightly overwhelmed with how much I do and feel too busy. I am not a very organised person though so that doesn't help. People think they are busy depending on how much time they have to fill.

I know several people with school aged dcs who are SAHMs who say they are having a busy week because they have x newsletter to write or x event to organise or so much to do before the schools break up for half term. They probably have more time to do it than me so spend more time doing it. I think if you're disorganised things probably take a long time than if you are organised. You fit your tasks into the time available and therefore see yourself as busy.

It is quite irritating when people are so busy they love to stop and explain just how busy they are before presumably going back to being busy.

I’m a SAHM and I am pretty busy though, too busy to stop and whinge about it .