To worry a lot about tiny age gap between children?

[Dolphinbluewave]

I am 40, and have recently had a baby. Obviously, if we want a sibling for him, we can’t hang about.

But I am really worried about an age gap of less than two years. It feels like it would be so relentless and demanding - one baby is time consuming enough!

Is it really that bad?!

I have 2 years exactly and found it hard but they are lovely together now older. 3 years seems much easier.

My SC's have 18 months between them. I understand that the first couple of years were tough! You do get the baby/toddler years together. On the plus side, with near age kids it's easier to do activities everyone can join in with.

I have twins then another nearly three years later.

Yes, it is relentless, but it’s not forever. I’m glad I did it when younger than waiting until the gap was larger and I was older tbh.

I have 3 children. The age gap between eldest and middle is 4 years then 13 months between middle and youngest. I found it easier with the closest in age

We had a 21 month gap between my older 2. It's hard going until the youngest gets to about 18 months but then I found it suddenly gets a lot easier, as they can properly play together. From about age 2 I'd say it's easier having a smaller gap as they are both pretty much in the same stage so you can often satisfy both with the same activity, and they play together as equals.

My two were 15 months apart. I thought it was great No more hard work than having a bigger age gap in my opinion and many advantages.

Hi @Dolphinbluewave just feeding baby number two so quick response. I have 15 months between them as, like you, age was an issue - I’m now 40 and baby number two is ten weeks and baby number one is 17months. I’d say depends on your circumstances and help/ can you afford help. I don’t regret it as such but it’s pretty brutal. Baby number one does 2.5 days at nursery and OH is hands on and somewhat flexible with work. I’ve paid for informal help for few hours on the days I have both.

I’m hoping it’ll pay off in a couple of years and I’m glad I’m not any older. But yes, it’s brutal and if you don’t have help I’d leave it longer . Good luck

My two were born 20 months apart and it was bloody awful and relentless when they were babies, but I think that was mainly because I was a crap SAHM to toddlers. However, once they got to 3, 4, 5ish, it became much better. Organising activities as a family is easier right up to their teens as they're generally at the same stage.

So at your age (I was just a bit younger than you), unless you think it will affect your MH badly, I'd go for it and just deal with the general awfulness for the first couple of years!!

I have a 11 week old and a 22 month old. You’re worrying about the wrong bit - the hardest bit is being 8 months pregnant with an 18 month old who is super bored and doesn’t get what you can’t lift her up. Right now it’s fine - the newborn takes time but I’d quite easy and the toddler is increasingly capable.

I found out small gap hard for the first year but after that it’s much easier to have them close in age. My friends with bigger gaps can never find an activity that both their kids are willing to do.

I have 2 born a year apart, almost exactly, I enjoyed it

16 months between my 2 oldest, it was hard, but as soon as DS2 got to about 18mth life became a breeze. They adore each other and hardly need me

Closest gap here is 13 and a half months.
When I had ds at 43. 2 sadly ttc again resulted in mc.... Gave up at 45..

Mine are 1 1/2 years apart and its not easy for a good 2-3 years, but now its amazing! They get along so well (most of the time), they like the same stuff (tv shows, etc) even though they are boy and girl.
They can entertain each other for hours, some days its like they arent even there
We have bad days of course where they fight every 5mins, but its maybe a couple days a month now.
It started being easier when the little one was 2.5ish and just got better and better with time.

Its hard when they are little, but its a short time and totally worth it.

I have four children and numbers 2 & 3 were born 11 months apart (almost to the day). It was hard being pregnant with a baby age 2 months onwards, as well as my older son (age 3/4), so maybe take the pregnancy into account when thinking about how soon to have another. It really took a toll on my physical heath, especially as continued to breastfeed (on midwife's advice). However, there is so much joy in having two children very close together in age. They did everything together and just had so much fun in their early years. They are very different in personality and interests now (aged 17 & 18), despite their identical early years, but still have a very close bond. The hard parts of pregnancy, lack of sleep etc were just a short period of time relative to the joy of having two children so very close in age. I would recommend it, especially if you are fortunate enough to have family support (I didn't, but we still managed).

We have a 16 month gap between our two. It was hard to start with (I didn’t cope very well with the guilt I felt towards my eldest given how much attention the new baby needed & obviously it can be logistically tricky), but from 18 months onwards it’s been a genuine joy. They are absolute best friends and love doing the same activities. Short term pain for long term gain?!

My sister and I are 15 months apart, and then to my brother, 19 months. My dad was in the Forces, and away a lot, so my mum was on her own with us most of the time... I think she/they were mad.
Growing up, it was great to have the close bond with siblings - and built in playmates.

I considered health risks first and foremost, I didn't want to short change either child and followed the evidence. I was also a child of a parent who had 2 close together, it was a horrible experience as a child (favouritism and emotional neglect). My mother loves to say we got along but we absolutely did not. The early years are so crucial for the rest of their life that I preferred to wait a bit longer.

3 days short of 2 years between mine, no problems, glad it worked out that way.

Less time consuming than going back to the baby years years later and having at least one toddler for a decade! For example! Doooo it! They’ll be great pals most likely.

21 months here and it was brilliant and still is ❤️

I'm 40 and my son was 19m when I gave birth 6m ago to ..... twins!! This defo wasn't my plan - it's horrific!

Pretty sure if it was just one child, life would be a lot easier.

All age gaps have hard periods and easy periods imo.
I'd imagine that a very small gap is hard in the beginning but they are more likely to be interested in the same things, same outings and toys. Plus you get the hard bits done in one stretch rather than have round 2 later on.

I am 14 months younger than my sister. Mum says it was very hard when we were tiny, but fine as we got a bit older as we could always play together.

It’s always been great for us as siblings and I was sorry I couldn’t have a smaller gap between mine. (I tried.)

I've 5 children altogether, 2 and 3 have 15m between them and my view was if you're changing one nappy, two doesn't make a difference. At one point I had 3 under 3yrs. It all works out, just don't stress about it, or have super high expectations that you'll be on time to every thing you plan!