To worry a lot about tiny age gap between children?

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I am 40, and have recently had a baby. Obviously, if we want a sibling for him, we can’t hang about.

But I am really worried about an age gap of less than two years. It feels like it would be so relentless and demanding - one baby is time consuming enough!

Is it really that bad?!

My niece has two children who are 10 month apart and the third who is 5 months younger ( very premature). The youngest get on well, the oldest not so much.

11 months between mine... they are incredibly close now as siblings. Wouldn't change it at all.

21 months between my dses. It was hard for a few years but amazing when they went to school only a year apart. Now it’s going to be a financial struggle as ds1 goes to university university this year and ds2 will go next year😫
Wouldn’t change a thing though.

I have gaps of eighteen months and twenty one months (two pairs). I'd say the first six months of the second baby are the hardest but after that it's pretty much not much different to having a longer age gap. I like routines though so established them early and everything seemed to run like clockwork most of the time.

I have a gap of 2 and 8 months and its just about ok but any bigger and imho it would be harder to do things that suited them both. It works well for mine as boy is older and girl younger, so far it seems girl is more mature/capable for her age than boy was so they are fairly compatible playmates. I was targeting a gap of between 21m and 2.5yrs but you dont get to choose! In your position I would get on and try for number two as it may well take longer anyway.

Depends how much you like babies. Once dd1 was out of nappies I would not have wanted to go all the way back and start again. Just get it all over and done with ASAP!

My niece has two children who are 10 month apart and the third who is 5 months younger ( very premature).

Even with a baby being very premature a 5 month age gap is impossible? You can't generally conceive until 6 weeks post partum and the youngest babies have survived at is (I think) about 23 weeks, that's well over 6 months and that would be extremely unheard of.

There’s 13 months between my oldest two, then 7 months between 2 and 3 and then 18 months between 3 and 4.
It was hard not gonna lie, but I lots of plus points too!

My three are each around 20 months apart. Really hard in the early years then suddenly they are playing together and looking out for each other and it's lovely. But then after the blink of an eye they start leaving for uni one after the other!

My first 2 were less than a year apart. Dc 3 came just under a year later. It was tough, but not impossible. (At least they all went down for a nap at the same time in the afternoon so I got an hour and a half to clean up everyday)

Mine are two years apart. The first year was tough, the second less so, third so far is wonderful - they are so close, into similar things. Every age gap has its plusses and minuses.

I have 2 two years apart. First year was tough but after that it got easier and easier. Parenting small children is relentless though.

My cousin has 11 months between his daughters. Although the small gap was not planned, they reckoned it made it easier to get each stage over once, rather than having to start again with potty training etc.

We have a 24 month age gap and I love it. My eldest is 3 now and honestly, I can’t imagine her having a younger sibling now.. I think it would be the worst time! She’s now old enough that she’d remember life before a sibling, experience jealously etc whereas at almost 2 she really wasn’t. She welcomed her little sister with nothing but kindness and she was just old enough to start understanding patience and kindness towards her sibling but not old enough for the bigger emotions. Also they both napped which was very much needed in the early days.

I’m a childminder and have gone straight back to work with both my girls so have experienced newborn + child of 1,2,3,4,5+ and my preference was definitely under 2 years or over 5. Xx

I have much bigger gaps, and found they never had much in common, and even now as young adults, they don’t choose to hang out together. Friends with smaller gaps generally seem to have dc with closer relationships. (Just to give a view from the other side of the fence.)

Mine are 15 months apart and it is wonderful now they are 8 and 10. The first year with two was quite hard, no family around, DH working 15 hour days, six days a week and PND. I remember the first night DD was home, I had two crying babies and feeling overwhelmed but I got into a good routine and with DH being so busy I just threw myself into it.

They get on very well now and although quite different they are always together, they like reading the same stuff and often have discussions about books and play together. Despite the small age gap they are two school years apart. They attend different schools and have different friend groups but when they just have one friend over, they often all play together.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

My niece has two children who are 10 month apart and the third who is 5 months younger ( very premature).

Even with a baby being very premature a 5 month age gap is impossible? You can't generally conceive until 6 weeks post partum and the youngest babies have survived at is (I think) about 23 weeks, that's well over 6 months and that would be extremely unheard of.

It is possible the niece is part of a lesbian couple and not all the pregnancies were hers.

14 months between my second and third. yeah it was a bit exhausting but I never had to play with them - they played with each other and they have always (well nearly always) been the best of friends. 19 and 20 now and they got through lockdown because of each other. They went to different high schools and universities though which worked very well for them.

my mother was 11 months younger than her brother - they were very close up until they died in their 80s

I think it would depend what support you had in place. My last two have about as small an age gap as its possible to get and i found it hard, both physically, two pregnancies in a year. Being pregnant and sick whilst caring for a non walking baby who was still breastfed. I feel that their babyhood and 1st year was really wasted and i was unable to meet his needs properly let alone enjoy it.
If you do it, can you afford to hire help?

15 months between my middle and youngest. Everyone told me it would be horrible hard work etc but I’ve found it quite nice! They have the most fantastic bond (18 months & 2.5 now)

I was thinking more 18 month gap than 11 (some of you are hardcore!) We don’t have any support - another downside to being older - but probably could have DC1 in nursery a couple of days a week.

What is the evidence?

22 months between mine and like PP says, the first year/18 months or so was horrendous. It was basically having two babies in that you still have to do everything for them, but with a larger, defiant, mobile one! Definitely think a three-year gap would have been easier.

However, mine are 5 and 3 now and they get on so well and play really nicely. Though probably because of the close age gap, they do also argue as they want the same toys etc. But again as other PP have said, they're into the same things and we can do the same activities etc, which will continue even as they get older. If things continue as they are, I think they will be good friends when they're older.

So on balance, I would say that the positives outweigh the negatives.

Oh and we also had no support but was fortunate to be able to keep DC1 in nursery two days a week which definitely helped.

I had twins 15 months after a singleton, it was pretty relentless and I did find the baby days hard, but it got better and better as they got older and more independent, and it’s been lots of fun so far! I think in some ways it’s easier just to keep going with the baby days and get them over. If you have a break from nappies etc you might not want to start again!!

I have 9 children and my easiest gap was between my 4th and 5th which was the smallest gap - just under 12 months and I also had 4 under 5 then too. I also had a 16 month gap twice and that was lovely too. I honestly found it so easy still being in baby mode. I am very much a ‘just get on with it’ person though so not everyone would have the same experience, but I would always say I find small age gaps easier that larger ones.