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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry a lot about tiny age gap between children?

104 replies

Dolphinbluewave · 30/05/2021 17:04

I am 40, and have recently had a baby. Obviously, if we want a sibling for him, we can’t hang about.

But I am really worried about an age gap of less than two years. It feels like it would be so relentless and demanding - one baby is time consuming enough!

Is it really that bad?!

OP posts:

Greenrubber · 30/05/2021 19:36

Time could be an issue
I'm pregnant now but it's third time lucky as unfortunately I lost the first 2

I'm 40 healthy and was trying to have a smaller gap between kids but it didn't work out that way

Now my DD will have just turned 4 when I give birth! But she is so excited about the baby I think now that it's the perfect age gap

I think you need to not worry too much about gaps what will be will be just make it work

JaceLancs · 30/05/2021 19:40

17 months between my DC it was great
Now adults they are still very close
All the school stuff worked better as they were only a year apart in school
I was a lone parent from them being 4 and 5 but it was still do able

Mumofthree86 · 30/05/2021 19:40

15 months between our first two and it has been amazing, boy and a girl 8 and 9 now and they are still best friends. I always think people with an only child have it harder, they entertain each other so much.

Mumofthree86 · 30/05/2021 19:41

Someone once said to me going from 0 to 1 is so much harder than 1 to 2, and it’s so true.

SeahorseBlue · 30/05/2021 19:47

I have 18 months between DC1 and DC2 and 22 months between DC2 and DC3. It was hard for the first couple of years, but got much easier once the youngest got to 2 or 3. As others have said it's easy to find activities and days out that they all enjoy. I have no regrets.

Ozanj · 30/05/2021 19:50

I was 39 with the first and we wanted a small gap too but as it took a lot of hard work to have him (and I wasn’t sure if we could have another) I wanted to enjoy him too. I’m almost 41 now and am now getting myself ready for round 2.

MyDcAreMarvel · 30/05/2021 19:51

No it’s easier, I had five in four years. Age gaps of 18 months, 11 months and 6 minutes.

MrsMop1964 · 30/05/2021 19:54

I am 11 months older (to the day) than my sister. We have never got on and as a child I was always fed up with never having my mum to myself. However that might have been the case due to our personalities, regardless of age gap. I know my mum found it hard but she didn't drive and twin prams were like tanks back in those days. Plus two lots of terry nappies. Hopefully nowadays at least the practical things like that are easier.

DrManhattan · 30/05/2021 20:02

A friend of mine had 3 little ones very close together and when she looks back it all blends into one. I wouldn't like that as much

littlepeas · 30/05/2021 20:06

I have a 13 month gap between ds1 and dd and then a 22 month gap between dd and ds2. They are close and happy, we have lots of fun and it’s easy to keep them all entertained with the same stuff. It was sometimes full on when they were very little (toddler bit was the hardest) but I also think I had it easier than others with bigger gaps in some ways - they play together! They are 12, 11 and 9 now and still thick as thieves.

littlepeas · 30/05/2021 20:09

@DrManhattan

A friend of mine had 3 little ones very close together and when she looks back it all blends into one. I wouldn't like that as much

I had 3 under 3 and this wasn’t my experience. I managed to find lots of one to one time for each of my dc, but they have the benefit of being together as a gang a lot too. They are growing up together, but are also treated as individuals - it’s nice.

SaffieSoph · 30/05/2021 20:14

Twenty months between mine and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was tough at the start but now they play together (2 and 3.5). I didn’t enjoy doing two rounds of nappies but there were advantages - for instance didn’t have much issue with the older one, when the little one arrived as he didn’t really understand the change. I really like the age gap and it works well for us.

stressfuljune · 30/05/2021 20:18

Do it. Makes life so easy as they play together

Terriblecreature · 30/05/2021 20:30

Living this right now so hopefully be useful as I have been saying I wish people were open with me about how hard it is.

I have DS1 who turned 2 1 week after DS2 arrived.

DS1 as a baby was an absolute dream. Very very rarely cried unless hungry and was so easy. Then, whilst I was pregnant (DS1 was approx 20 months) he became a 'terrible two' and has been some what tough since. He is a typical wild boy who tantrums, throws things and loves to do things he isn't supposed to.

When DS2 arrived DS1 was great. For the first couple of weeks. Then his nose has been a bit more out of joint. He struggles with not getting enough attention from me. DS2 has been a difficult baby. Very unsettled and has silent reflux. That on top of establishing breastfeeding in the beginning meant I couldn't give DS1 as much attention.

DS2 on top of being unsettled isnt a great sleeper during the day and cat naps. so getting a good chunk of time with just DS2 is almost impossible.

I wish DS1 was in nursery but being on maternity leave I cant really afford it ATM.

The amount of guilt I feel for both as neither get enough attention and I don't get a single minute. Don't get me wrong, I have good days and they absolutely melt my heart and make me smile and bring me so so much joy but honestly wish I waited and had a bigger gap.

I am well aware I am in the depths of it right now and hope it will get easier. If I decide to have another I will make sure DS is at least in nursery for a few days a week.

Oh and not to mention my house cleaning standards have had to slide as I don't have as much time and that now causes me anxiety

Whitewolf2 · 30/05/2021 20:33

We have a 19month gap. Yes it has been full on for the early years and they argue and fight but they also play a lot together. We’ve gotten through the baby/little toddler stage quicker than we would have otherwise so overall I think it’s better. Yes some friends have a bigger age gap and it looks easier as older one is at school but then the older one needs more play time from you and you have to wait longer to have easy and fun days out without having to feed a baby/closely follow a toddler.

Dazedandconfused2021 · 30/05/2021 21:06

I have 19 months between 1 & 2 then 18 months between 2 & 3. It's been fine. I am a stay at home mum and my husband works full time with his own business. Eldest started nursery just as I found out I was pregnant with number 3. Noe they're getting older It's great, they have similar interests and days out suit all of them. If I could do it again I'd choose the same age gaps.

caffeine99 · 30/05/2021 21:53

I have a year and 9 months (i.e.) 21 months between mine. It was difficult when the youngest was first born but we adapted quickly. Everything got easier when born were potty trained and the youngest could walk.

They're 5 and 7 now and great friends and playmates. Life is easier for us than people with bigger gaps as my kids like similar things as they're similar ages. They're much closer than siblings I know with larger age gaps. I definitely think that close gap has helped.

Note that there's a school year between mine - I feel like that helps too.

Kendodd · 30/05/2021 21:58

I had a baby, a one year old and a two year old, it was easy, so don't worry, it'll be fine. I was a stay at home mum though so didn't have to fit a full time job in as well, I suspect this was the main reason it wasn't difficult for me.

Frazzled2207 · 30/05/2021 22:06

I got pregnant almost exactly at the time of ds’s first birthday. 21 months apart.
Yeah it was bloody hard work. I don’t really remember tbh! However very worthwhile. Now 6 and 7 they are two peas in a pod. Entertain each other the vast majority of the time.

Doublechins · 30/05/2021 22:14

13 months between my first two. I didn't think it was hard at the time tbh but looking back now I've had a bigger age gap it's quite full on sometimes. It's honestly a lovely gap though and they are so close.

samandpoppysmummy · 30/05/2021 22:21

Mine are 17 months apart (DS is now 15 and DD is 14) and I think it is the perfect age gap. They are one school year apart and have always got on well.

Lucifersladylove · 31/05/2021 19:48

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

My niece has two children who are 10 month apart and the third who is 5 months younger ( very premature).

Even with a baby being very premature a 5 month age gap is impossible? You can't generally conceive until 6 weeks post partum and the youngest babies have survived at is (I think) about 23 weeks, that's well over 6 months and that would be extremely unheard of.

I was pregnant before I ever had a period after my first: I miscarried but had I not there was an estimated due date of 8.5 months after my first. You can get pregnant again very quickly particularly if you aren’t bf.

EcoCustard · 31/05/2021 20:09

I had 4 under 4 for a while, and had Dc4 when I was 38, all small age gaps. I won’t pretend it hasn’t been hardwork, tiring and at times felt as overwhelming at times in the early weeks. However it is also great as they are all close, play together most of the time and you get through the baby/toddler phases quickly.

Zerrin13 · 01/06/2021 00:07

14 months between mine. I was 38 when I had my son and 39 when I had my daughter. It was exhausting!

Frustratedmum2021 · 01/06/2021 07:50

My two are 21 months apart. They are 6 and 4 now. The 6 year old has various additional needs so it is a bit like having a 4 year old and a toddler but it definitely has been easier being able to reasonably satisfy them both with the same activities/days out etc. I don't have experience of a bigger gap but there are benefits and draw backs there too

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