To insist he makes proper arrangements?

[CandyFIosss]

I’ve been split up with my ex for over 4 years now (we have 4 children) since we’ve been split up he has never had them over night (not once at all) due to his living arrangements he is unable to have them at his house, his ideal situation would be seeing them in my house but that didn’t work because we don’t get on, he saw them for a bit at my house but it wasn’t working, I told him he needed to start making other arrangements and he could take them out for the day instead, he has been unable to stick to this due to the fact he lives 2 hours away and it was too much effort for him to travel 2 hours down to take the kids out for the day and 2 hours back home. We have tried this 3 times and he just doesn’t stick to it, he will do it for a bit and then stop seeing them for months as it because too much effort, he currently isn’t seeing them at all but still makes half hearted attempts at contact. Wibu to say that until he is able to have the children at his house then contact can’t happen? I really don’t know what other solution there is as the children are being hurt by him seeing them for a bit then not bothering because it’s too much work. There’s a lot more to the situation but that is the basics of it.

OP this isn’t your problem to solve. Your ex is an adult. All you have to do is ensure the children are available for contact, it’s not your role to facilitate it. And no it shouldn’t have to be at your house. If he was that bothered, he’d have sorted something.

@CandyFIosss

You don't have to defend yourself to anyone. It's clear to anyone who's read your posts properly, and can hear the despair and frustration in them also, that you have tried and are trying your best.

Clearly your children's father doesn't care for them otherwise he would think past his own selfishness to see them. As posters said, he could book a room at, for example, a Premier Inn, Travelodge, AirBnB for a night or two and see his children even during the day. He doesn't care - especially as you, quite rightly, don't wish to facilitate this in your own space and with you helping him during his contact time.

I also agree you should try again to see if CMS can make him contribute financially to the upkeep for the children. I'm sure if they put their resources to it they can tap into the rent his three lodgers are paying him.

He really is a waste of space, sadly, and your children will see this eventually. Strength to you, OP. 🌹

Exactly @Newestname001

Thank you, I’m going to suggest he books a hotel once a month and comes down to see them that way he can spend the weekend with them and some quality time rather than just a few hours once a fortnight if they are lucky. I think once a month will be easier for him to stick to and the cost of it etc also for those that expressed about the money he spends travelling down, he doesn’t actually pay to come down he claims pip and has a freedom pass so he doesn’t pay to travel down so the money he would be using for travel can go on the hotel, but I’ve had a look at travel lodge and premier inn and they are all cheap enough and we have both right near to where we are. If he doesn’t want to do it then that’s up to him.

@CandyFIosss

Thank you, I’m going to suggest he books a hotel once a month and comes down to see them that way he can spend the weekend with them and some quality time rather than just a few hours once a fortnight if they are lucky. I think once a month will be easier for him to stick to and the cost of it etc also for those that expressed about the money he spends travelling down, he doesn’t actually pay to come down he claims pip and has a freedom pass so he doesn’t pay to travel down so the money he would be using for travel can go on the hotel, but I’ve had a look at travel lodge and premier inn and they are all cheap enough and we have both right near to where we are. If he doesn’t want to do it then that’s up to him.

Good call op!