Is it OK for FIL to say this to me ?

[pregnantandsensitive]

I'm pregnant, so bear with me. I really don't know if I'm being sensitive or not. Happy to be told I'm being unreasonable...

So we were having a family dinner and somehow the topic of boarding schools came up. ( I went from 12/13 until the end of school and loved it). My in laws know this and I know they think it's a bit weird. My husband made some kind of throw away comment that maybe we should send our baby to boarding school one day. To which my FIL piped up saying : ' oh you're definitely NOT going to do that, boarding school isn't good. Children need to be with their parents'. I then said straight to his face ' there's nothing wrong with boarding school and we get to decide what we do with our child '.

My SIL later cornered me about it again and asked ' so would you ever send your child to boarding a school ? '. I said, maybe from sixth form.. and she jumps straight on me and says ' oh right, didn't you go earlier than that ? Do you think you went too young ? Do you think it was a mistake ? '

I thought it was all pretty mean. It's also not yeh first time my SIL uses that kind of questioning. It's like she's always trying to catch me out. ' oh last week you said you liked grey windows, but now you're saying you prefer white ones ? '

Anyway, thoughts ?

@lljkk

Changing conversation topics is a skill worth cultivating.

100 percent.

I'd just prepare a stock phrase for your FIL something along the lines of

''I'll decide later so I cannot yes or no''.

Just some short simple phrase that makes it clear you'll be the one deciding, later. So there's no stance to argue against, cos although it's your decision you haven't decided yet.

But when the child arrives, you might think boarding school is all wrong for him, so don't get attached to any parenting idea. See how it fits with the child you GET

I think I would be quite non-committal. Quite a bit of ‘gosh, oh I don’t know, it was so long ago that I went to school I haven’t really put that much thought into it yet’

But also you can be more honest and say ‘it was a good option for me and I absolutely loved it, but I haven’t met my child yet. I don’t know what they will be like or what decision would work well for them’

"I'll decide later so I cannot yes or no''.

Great stock phrase. It ensures you emphasise that the decisions are yours as parents.

Great suggestions thank you so much.