AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

[4fingerKitKat]

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

Football really isn’t an important thing to know about.

it's not.

But football is played all over the world. All you need is a ball. So it's quite nice if your kid just enjoy joining a bunch of other children wherever you are, just to kick the ball around.

They don't even need to speak the same language.

It's just kicking a ball around, no one is too grand for that. If they are not interested, fine, but the choice should come from them and they should have at least a ball at home and decide if they want to use it or not (in garden or park, not in your living room).

Meanwhile, back on planet earth, that's not really any comfort to the unfit, unpopular child who is picked last for team games in a school where football skill is everything...

Bloody hell you are massively projecting here and your comment has literaly no basis in reality. Of course it's important for kids to be fit and healthy and I insist they learn to swim but a child who isn't forced to do football camp isn't going to become unpopular and picked last at everything (picking teams isn't usually even a thing anymore).

Some kids aren't good at sports. My DS is one of them, it's important to me he stays fit and gets to try out different activities so we found a slightly niche sport he enjoys and make sure he gets enough exercise. If I forced him into football club he'd hate it. He has absolutely zero social issues from not liking football. He's happy to have a kick about if his friends are but mostly he just makes friends with similar kids who are less into sport.

You really sound like you have some issues and you don't want to project them onto your kids.

I would consider that to be a basic gap in general knowledge and awareness of the world.

absolutely.

How can a 7 year old never have come across about "scoring a goal" in a book, movie, tv program, or just playing at school?

@MrsTophamHat I think as an adult it's unusual but not problematic to not know any teams (I somewhat suspect it's an exaggeration to have never heard of a single football tea,). As a child it's strange he's managed to not pick up what it means to score a goal and yes I'd probably explain the very basics. Not team names or players as if he has no interest he'll forget immediately but at least the very basics of how the game is played (goals, penalties, free kicks etc). That in itself would take 10 minutes and is a massive non-issue and I agree that it's worthwhile to have that little bit of knowledge.

@JackANackAnoreeee. But it does have a basis in reality because it's the reality for a lot of children that they are sidelined due to a lack of sports skills. I'm very glad that your child's experience has been different to that and you've supported him to keep active and find interests he enjoys.

My ds had zero interest in football until the World Cup happened when he was 9 and he just went nuts for it. He's 19 now and this has never abated. That said you don't have to be interested at all, loads of other stuff to do, they'll find their own way.

My kids aren't into football. DS1 is dyspraxic and struggles with anything co-ordination related, he still loves PE though - he's just realistic that when they play dodgeball, his main skill is dodging, not throwing or catching the ball!

Any school where they weren't making sure less able kids were included would be failing in my opinion, not the child.

I'm not going to force him to learn team games he has no interest in just in case. I have no idea if he could name football teams or players, I can, but just big names, and have no idea about who's good or bad beyond whatever has sunk in from the news!

Blimey our granddaughter doesn't stand a chance. We're a football mad family. Son and son in law play football. Daughter hates it but had accepted that her daughter will be playing and watching! Only dilemma is we support opposing teams and all spend time trying to impose our team on her

"If you wait until they can make an active choice, the kids who are playing all the time are usually streets ahead of them."

Agree 100%. Football is like no other sport in that it's so popular and common for kids to be playing from a young age (in general, not in every area of the country of course), so it can be much harder to get in on it if you start a bit late.

I bet there's loads of beginner archers age 12 for example, football not so much.

And if your child has lots of family and friends they can pick it up from naturally then fine, not everyone has or needs classes, but if they don't then it seems a good idea to have classes to get the basics.

Some pp are missing the point suggesting that it's about conforming, when it's that most parents probably just want our DC to have the opportunity and choice.

My kids have no interest in it which I am fine about. Tbh myself and DH see it as a chavs game. You never see hockey/golf/rugby/tennis houligans do you??

Our son has never taken to football. He had a few lessons but football is seen as less of a norm amongst his and our friends. They play rugger from a young age.

He gave up any though of trying to like football at about seven and never looked back.

He'll be fine without it,

My 11 year old has never cared for football at all. He has been ostracised in the past by boys who want to play when he just doesn’t. He doesn’t care about it at all, he’d rather play alone than play football. My 2 year old has always loved it, not sure why but his first word after mama and dada was goal .

I think that all girls should learn to apply makeup and how to dress because If they don’t then it will be embarrassing and they’ll be left out.

See how insane that sounds?

Why is it ok to state that boys should learn football otherwise they’ll be left out but it wouldn’t be ok to insist similar about girls having to learn about fashion?

people are individuals. Maybe in fact if boys weren’t so pressured into playing/knowing about football there wouldn’t be so much bullying going on because not being into sport wouldn’t be seen as lacking in some way.

Football is in fact only a game but people have taken it to the extreme.

So what if he doesn’t like football? Around here the kids seem to play rugby but my DS hated that. My sister’s kids play rugby but know absolutely nothing about football.

And that’s how it should be.

We need to get past the point of allowing children to be forced into things they don’t care about just because they might be bullied. What happened to children being individuals.

perhaps if being an individual was more acceptable we wouldn’t have these kinds of problems.

@IgglePiggleHater

It is absolutely not typical for kids to be sidelined due to lack of sports skills - unless they're specifically try to join in with the sporty kids. In both my DC's class there are about 1/3 of the children who are sports mad and the rest are varying degrees of not bothered. Most of the boys are much much more interested in minecraft than football. The kids who are popular are those with good social skills and extraverted personalities, nothing to do with sport. Most kids would sooner win a race than come last just as they'd rather be clever than struggle academically but it really isn't the be all and end all. In any case if you have poor coordination and are bad at sports having even more sports forced on you is going to make it even worse!

We never watched football at home as dh is rugby man. Of course we had footballs for garden but we had other games too. DC learned about football at school. They never joined a team as all local ones want 3 nights a week commitment plus weekends - different ages different nights too and I said to DC it was too much when they asked about it but we did swimming and other activities instead. Deal was when they get to secondary they cam join a team if they want. DC1 isnt fussed, he prefers hockey and running.

My ds is 14, never played football apart from pe - never been a problem, not every boy loves football

Ex and I sent DS and DD to football training. DS has stuck with fun training, DD does club football now (all the bloody time...). I hate it; Ex knows enough to fill in conversations with other men who want to talk about it, but isn't that into it. They were sent both as a general hobby and to help DS make friends at school. There are 2 other people in his (small) year group who don't play football or talk about it. Ex also felt it would be useful for him in adult life. He intends to teach him golf for similar reasons.

It made DS feel confident joining in at school and has really clearly broadened his school friendships. It was also good for his general coordination (he has poor gross and fine moror skills. Loads of things his OT and physio asked him to do are included in the training). If their school were different, I'd probably not have pushed it (though Ex would have wanted to anyway), but in my DS's case, it has certainly been beneficial.

Why is it ok to state that boys should learn football otherwise they’ll be left out but it wouldn’t be ok to insist similar about girls having to learn about fashion?

technically GIRLS should learn the basics of football too.. having a vagina shouldn't stop you from knowing what scoring a goal is, or to join a bunch of kids kicking a ball around.

it's harder to start a game of rugby in your local park, that's the point.

It shouldn't be about being a boy or a girl however. But it's also true that there are many "football" birthday party, that in many schools, kids play football at playtime. Bit of a shame if your kid is left out because he never had a chance to pick up a few basics.

(and I have yet to met 1 boy invited to a "pampering party")

The 7 year old does of course know what scoring a goal means - he’s just didn’t use the term “scoring a goal” when he was talking about getting the ball in the back of the net. I think he said something like “my team didn’t get many points because we weren’t good at goaling” or something like that - and hasn’t really got his head round other terms lack tackling, dribbling etc.

I forgot he did actually do football as an after school activity for a term in reception but tried other sports like dodgeball after that.

I think younger DS (in reception) is more likely to be the one who misses out - he’s more naturally sporty and the fact he doesn’t really kick a ball about is more likely to affect him so we should probably try to integrate it a bit more into our outdoor play..

We do plenty of other stuff - both enjoy cycling, parkrun, swimming, eldest is in Beavers and hoping to start some music lessons soon so they’re not generally deprived of activities!

I mean, clearly boys shouldn't have to learn about football. And they shouldn't be sidelined if they're not interested or lack basic skills. Hopefully that's the reality for most children.

But there's a gap between what should happen and what does happen in many cases and pretending it doesn't exist doesn't do kids any favours. If your unsporty or uninterested child attends a school where all the other boys are football-mad, it's silly to pretend it won't have an impact on them.

No I wouldn't, football obsessives often dominate family life

Football is popular culture in the UK. I think kids should have at least a basic knowledge of it, just as they should about movies, TV, gaming, music etc.

You don’t have to encourage your kids to be Disney nerds, but if they’ve never seen Frozen or don’t know who Spider-Man is, they’ll be out of step with most of their classmates.

Neither DH or I watch sport at all - i don’t know how DH finds it but most of my team at work (males and females) follow football, rugby, cycling or athletics to some degree and it’s the most frequent casual conversation topic and I do feel a bit left out (but not so much that I actually want to start wasting my life watching sport!)

I’m not sure either DS know anything about football teams at all or even really know that it’s a thing that grown ups do professionally!

but not so much that I actually want to start wasting my life watching sport!

strange attitude from someone who is happy to waste their life on social media...

THAT is the attitude you should avoid teaching your children. Even if it's true, and EVEN if being a "sofa player" is a waste of time, many of their friends parents will be interested.

That sort of comment is not helpful and won't give your kids any point when they repeat them.

Misspatty, that is what I've taught my kids, and glad they don't want to watch sport, it would drive me crazy