AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

[4fingerKitKat]

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

I equate football culture with toxic masculinity and would be pleased if my sons were not interested.

@sailmeaway

Oh girls football is a shocker! My niece played for years but has now transferred on to a women’s team, and is completing her referee qualifications.

Me being a boys “football mum” went along to watch thinking it would be more civilised. Boy, was I wrong. Awful.

My theory is dads are even worse with their daughters on the pitch.

'@sailmeaway Neither of my kids are top level players in anything (and not in much danger of going that way smile) but obnoxious parents seem to be a feature in absolutely any children's sport at a competitive level. I have a few friends who children play very competitively in a number of different sports and it features in all of them. I've even seen ridiculously over competitive parents at the local park run.'

Yeah, tennis parents... I've seen a tennis dad cheat on scoring a match in mini tennis ( 7-8 year olds) so his DD won the round! My DS was outraged at the injustice, but I said to him ' What's her dad going to do? Cheat her all the way to Wimbledon?? Can you imagine what it must feel like to be that girl having a dad so obsessed about winning that he's cheating?'

I think football is the source of a lot of toxic masculinity tbh. I don't expect that to be a popular view. If course also it doesn't mean all men/boys who play it indulge in bad behaviour either.

I find it interesting that there's no girl equivalent activity that people think girls will be disadvantaged if they're not encouraged to do, thank goodness - but, poor boys. How limiting.

@BraveBraveMouse

I agree there is a culture of toxic masculinity but I think the “effects” of that are more pronounced when the father passes it on to the son.

If you raise your son with a high level of emotional intelligence then they can play football without any ill effects. My son has came off the pitch crying before and he got a hug off his dad. The same can’t be said for some other boys though because I’ve seen it with my own eyes and it’s sad.

@sailmeaway oh my god how much pressure must the poor kid feel if their dad needs to cheat on their behalf. My friend's girl played golf and the parents had to be banned from the course as some of them were trying to put off other children by making remarks or noises as they were trying to swing (is that the right word?). Completely incomprehensible.

I think cricket is really boring. But it had the huge advantage of being able to sit for hours in the sunshine and the bar was open.

Sadly my two agreed it was boring so sheet rain on the football touch line with a bacon sandwich at 9am it was.

'@sailmeaway the sports teachers I remember fondly from growing up are the ones who really enjoyed interacting with the kids and acred about what the kids were getting out of it. Being overly invested in the sport/outcome of thematch itself is almost a disadvantage - you sound great!'

Thanks! Our team got beat in a match last week, and I've never been prouder of our girls! They worked their socks off, supported each other, ran like maniacs, and hugged and encouraged our poor goalie who was despondent at letting 3 goals in. They never gave up.They had a brilliant time, then at the end went up and congratulated the hat trick scorer on the other team.
THAT's what playing team sports is supposed to be for kids, whether its cricket, netball, whatever.

The competitive Dads in Golf were hilarious. Doing a round and the Dad was there demonstrating before they would let their child play. I am sure there were Mums too but we always seemed to get paired off with competitive Dad.
I had no clue but we got around quicker and very often beat them.

@Sparklingbrook

😂😂 getting round quicker.

Reminds me of times when I’ve openly heard grown men refer to my son as “you’ll smash him he’s skinny”.

Always a good feeling when said boy doesn’t get past my son 😂.

'I find it interesting that there's no girl equivalent activity that people think girls will be disadvantaged if they're not encouraged to do, thank goodness - but, poor boys. How limiting.'

Actually, I don't know about that. Our DD is in to dance or gymnastics or netball or what people think of as 'girls' sports and it's deffo been commented on, and she's been left out of friendship grps because she'd not in dance class or whatever. She tried them all, and we encouraged her because that's what the other girls were doing, but she just prefers to kick a ball or hit a ball with a bat.
She was getting flack for playing football from other girls, but now she had 3 or 4 friends who got into girls footie because she was doing it.

ISN"T into dance that should say ...

I moved here from another country where it isn't really a big thing and have at times wished that I had an interest in it because it would make for some small talk opportunities at work or whatever but other than that it's never made a difference

@Chanjer I have faked football chat at work many times, there are some blokes who find it hard to small talk I've found, and when I know I might be at a conference with them for example, I've checked out the headlines for their team so I have a comment to make. After that I find they just blether on a bit, and I just nod or grimace as approppriate to the story!

[quote Chillychangchoo]@Sparklingbrook

😂😂 getting round quicker.

Reminds me of times when I’ve openly heard grown men refer to my son as “you’ll smash him he’s skinny”.

Always a good feeling when said boy doesn’t get past my son 😂.[/quote]
The funny thing with golf is that the whole idea of the game is to play less golf

@Sparklingbrook

You have to laugh sometimes. It’s sad isn’t it?

Although having said that, there was one time when I really did feel like punching another woman right between the eyes. I basically listened to her foul mouth about my “ginger son” who was doing nothing wrong other than defending her son. Disgusting woman. I didn’t do anything of course because I wouldn’t lower myself to that standard but women like her often meet their matches at some point.

I’m expecting my son to stroll through the door at any minute. He loves to win but thankfully if he doesn’t, his day will not be ruined.

[quote Chillychangchoo]@Sparklingbrook

You have to laugh sometimes. It’s sad isn’t it?

Although having said that, there was one time when I really did feel like punching another woman right between the eyes. I basically listened to her foul mouth about my “ginger son” who was doing nothing wrong other than defending her son. Disgusting woman. I didn’t do anything of course because I wouldn’t lower myself to that standard but women like her often meet their matches at some point.

I’m expecting my son to stroll through the door at any minute. He loves to win but thankfully if he doesn’t, his day will not be ruined.[/quote]
The Mums could be the shoutiest during football matches sometimes. My friend got a bit over enthusiastic and got banned from the touchline for the rest of the match. She's generally a quiet type but it was a bit of a nail biting one.

Well done for not saying anything-it's hard to hear strangers talking about your DC and not want to put them straight.

Does he clean his own boots? I used to moan so much about the relentless kit washing but I feel a bit wistful now it's all over.We'd have been getting ready and not finding shin pads around now a few years ago.

@Sparklingbrook

Really hard at the time, and quite upsetting actually. It’s water off a ducks back to my son though now. Just makes him play better, must be the fire in him (red head).

He attempts to clean his boots but doesn’t do a very good job. The washing is relentless but I know I’ll miss his boyhood at some point so try and remind myself of that when it’s freezing and hammering it down. I take it in turns with my husband.

[quote Chillychangchoo]@Sparklingbrook

Really hard at the time, and quite upsetting actually. It’s water off a ducks back to my son though now. Just makes him play better, must be the fire in him (red head).

He attempts to clean his boots but doesn’t do a very good job. The washing is relentless but I know I’ll miss his boyhood at some point so try and remind myself of that when it’s freezing and hammering it down. I take it in turns with my husband.[/quote]
My husband still really misses it, it's what we did every weekend, a huge part of our lives. Then that was it. DS went off to University and that was that 4 years ago now. When we drive past the playing field seeing all the junior footy going on it feels a bit sad.
The medals and trophies are all in a box in the loft, don't know if they'll see the light of day again.
The DSs talk about it fondly and loved every minute. That's what it's all about I guess. Things move on, and we'll see what happens should any grandchildren arrive. (Please no more golf!)

My DS is dyspraxic with extremely poor gross motor skills. He cannot kick, throw or catch a ball despite trying his best.

His lovely teacher realised how awful it was for him every playtime when the other boys and girls played football and he walked around the perimeter of the playground like a caged animal, so she initiated a ‘no ball games day’ on Tuesdays and Thursday and they have to play other games. ‘Capture the flag’ is a favourite. There’s only 35 children in the yard so it’s not difficult to manage and the other children seem to like playing different games on those days too so a win:win all round.

Gaelic football is a big deal here as traditionally our local teams regularly win County cups. Girls and boys are both equally encouraged to play.

@Sparklingbrook

What a lovely post. It sounds like you all made some lovely memories. We have made friends with other parents too, and we all go away once a year on a football tour for the weekend. Usually Devon. My kids have been on some lovely holidays/locations but they always refer back to these weekends. I’ve often found them exhausting at the time but totally worth it when you look back.

Mine is just about to go into year 7 so I think we have a few more years left, but I will make the most of it. I suspect when he’s a grown man I will once again find football totally dull and tedious, until maybe a grandchild wants to start playing 😉.

There are other sports!!! DS is sporty & enjoys cricket & basketball. Football is a total snooze fest.

There are loads of sports. Children get interested in different things. MY DC thought cricket a snoozefest and not fast paced enough.

But I think whatever the sport is if DC show an interest and want to give it a go then if you can just let them. They might hate it, they might love it for a bit then hate it or they might continue to love it and it turns into a lifelong thing.

It's all about exposure to new experiences isn't it?

@Sparklingbrook

Agreed. My son tried cricket and it totally bored him. Having said that, a lot of his footy friends also play cricket.

It’s not really either, or. Exposure to new experiences is a balanced approach, and like I said, I know boys who play both football and cricket.

My two did like to go and watch the cricket and cheer their mates from their footy teams who played both, they didn't fancy playing it but the coaches would regularly ask them to join up.