AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

[4fingerKitKat]

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

It is a bit strange to be 'proud' and it being 'a relief' that your DC aren't into something. Should I be proud and relieved that my two didn't want to do Rugby/ballet/learn the guitar?

(Although they didn't have the constant trips to A&E that the Rugby kids had. They would take it in turns to break their collar bones one year so maybe that would be a relief?)

They like what they like and I would just be happy they had found something they did enjoy rather than think about what other stuff they didn't want to do.

I also agree that all children sporty/geeky/whatever have the capacity to be mean and exclusive, but can also be inclusive and lovely!

My DS learned it in primary along with the other kids, but utterly recoils from football culture - shouting, swearing, shoving, aggression. He sees how the PE teacher in high school lets the students get away with intense swearing abuse in one another's faces, and quickly realised that this is deemed acceptable in a 'football context', and thus wants no part in it.

It led to some interesting conversations about how men are assumed to like football and deemed unusual if they don't, as well as how a simple game has this culture of violence, rioting and poor behaviour around it.

@Sparklingbrook

I know right? Being “proud” your son’a aren’t into football, because let’s face it you’re a person who judges “those types” sounds incredibly narcissistic to me. They haven’t at all picked up on that attitude right? 🙄.

I am proud of my children whatever path they decide to take. Their interests are theirs.

Also, @flyingpandas, I have to agree that there aren't many footballers who are great role models, but let's not pretend that the geeks of this world have provided much in the way of role models either. Bill Gates - getting divorced because his wife didn't like his association with Epstein, also he had an affair with an employee. Elon Musk - calling random people peados on Twitter and smoking weed on live radio shows. Mark Zuckerberg - facilitating the rise of the new fascists and anti vaccers on Facebook. Jeff Bezos - parasitically wealthy and responsible for the demise of bookshops. Etc etc. I'm not sure why your post has triggered me so much. We are not a footballing family either, my DS playing for a few years in primary and it was fun for him and he made nice friends there. But we don't think we're better than other families that do love football.

[quote Chillychangchoo]@Sparklingbrook

I know right? Being “proud” your son’a aren’t into football, because let’s face it you’re a person who judges “those types” sounds incredibly narcissistic to me. They haven’t at all picked up on that attitude right? 🙄.

I am proud of my children whatever path they decide to take. Their interests are theirs.[/quote]
Totally agree. My friend has a one year old, she's already said 'Oh no he won't be doing football' (complete with disgusted face)to me knowing full well that my two did it for years and years, thoroughly enjoyed it and managed to come out the other side completely normal humans.

@Sparklingbrook

Bizarre isn’t it? How would you know what they are going to be interested in at age one? It’s the same in football to be fair, lots of boys actually don’t want to do it. I cringe on the sidelines, it’s a shame when kids feel forced. You couldn’t keep a ball off my oldest though. He loves it. It would have been a shame if I denied him the opportunity to play because I thought he was “better” than that.

He’s not long left for his game this morning. He will come home, get showered, pop his glasses back on, and probably settle down to watch some Star Wars 🤦‍♀️. Terrible generalisations on this thread but not at all surprising. He has always been picked to show new kids around in his class too, so I’m also sure he is inclusive and kind.

All kids can be mean irrespective of interests. Now I’m not going to defend some cultural aspects of football because there’s been many times when I’ve shook my head in disbelief on those sidelines. My son has openly been called out on that pitch from other parents for being ginger. Disgusting behaviour. It’s usually when their son can’t get past my son (because he is a defender, and a very good one at that).

But you know what? It didn’t knock him down. I’m proud of my son and his resilience. He wears many hats.

@Sparklingbrook Surely they're proud not because football is a terrible thing to be interested in but because they have the courage and individuality to pursue their interest even when they're different from the crowd. My kids have some interests which are fairly typical and some which aren't - to be honest I don't think a great deal about it as long as they're happy and healthy but I am glad they don't feel forced to do something just because everyone does, If they happen to like actually popular sport/hobbey then of course that's fine, I just don't want them to do it out of social pressure.

If your unreasonable then so am I. Neither of my sons show much of an interest in football and to be honest I am not really fussed. My eldest has very little interest in sport at all and only does it under duress. He likes playing outside but he likes building things or playing pretend games, building dens and the like. He is nearly 7.

My younger ds is 5 and he also doesn't like football. Though he is much more fond of exercise and enjoys outside games at kindergarten. He apparently joins in with football with the other boys, and even though he is last in sports, keeps trying bless him and is slowly improving. That comes from him, his dad and I are not sporty people.

I have noticed that the boys in their class are into a variety of things so I don't think you should be too worried about him being left out. Not everyone is the same thank goodness so your boy will find his groove elsewhere. Try not to worry.

I think it depends how you’ve been brought up. My family are all huge football fans it’s so always been a big part of my life. One of my earliest memories is of watching a Liverpool vs Everton FA Cup final with my parents (Liverpool won). Although I don’t really follow it or watch it anymore, if our family will get together it’s always a big talking point. Our family are made up of an even mix of Liverpool and Man United fans so it often gets quite fraught as you can imagine lol

My only annoyance is that football wasn’t offered to girls at school when I was growing up as it is now. I’d have loved the opportunity to play footie rather than prissy netball. I’ve only recently appreciated what fantastic exercise it is.

@InTheDrunkTank

The majority of boys who aren’t interested in football don’t play it from my experience. I think parental pressure is bigger than any social pressure. There’s plenty of boys in each school class now who do not play football so it’s hardly being that individual.

Yes to the many hats. And huge yes to resilience.

DS1 was the goalkeeper, a lonely role sometimes, going from hero to villain and back many times in the course of a match. It upset him at first but his confidence grew and he knew the goals he couldn't have saved and didn't beat himself up about it. He also had to shout (yes shout tut!) instructions to other players.

There were some twatty parents and as they got older some twatty kids (generally the kids of the twatty parents) but you get that in every sport when the parents somehow think their child is better than they actually are, or are living vicariously through them due to maybe their own childhood failures at sport?

The unsung heroes for me were the football coaches that arranged training twice a week, entered the teams into the leagues, did all the admin with registering and collecting subs etc. All voluntary.

The unsung heroes for me were the football coaches that arranged training twice a week, entered the teams into the leagues, did all the admin with registering and collecting subs etc. All voluntary.
Indeed it wouldn't happen without the volunteers.
They work tirelessly.

[quote InTheDrunkTank]@Sparklingbrook Surely they're proud not because football is a terrible thing to be interested in but because they have the courage and individuality to pursue their interest even when they're different from the crowd. My kids have some interests which are fairly typical and some which aren't - to be honest I don't think a great deal about it as long as they're happy and healthy but I am glad they don't feel forced to do something just because everyone does, If they happen to like actually popular sport/hobbey then of course that's fine, I just don't want them to do it out of social pressure.[/quote]
IMO in the context of this thread it's football related and the insinuation is that it's terrible TBH.

But I agree that they shouldn't pursue an interest they don't want to. I couldn't have forced my two to do ballet/theatre//horseriding because they didn't want to. It would be extremely difficult to get a child who didn't want to play football to sign up, it's quite the commitment for parent and child and your heart has to be in it.

@Chillychangchoo

Sure parental influence is huge but there are people on this thread claiming that if you don't have a current knowledge of football you won't be able to make friends in primary or hold a conversation in a taxi.

To be honest from a selfish perspective I'm glad neither of my DC love football as it's a bit dull and they've opted for slightly more interesting (to me) hobbies (although neither of their prefered hobbies are something I have experience of). It's natural to be proud of what your kids do. I'm proud mine do interesting hobbies, if one of them was the star of the football team I'd be proud of that too and encourage them and bring them to matches etc.

I think people are being a bit too quick to be offended. Football is fine as a hobby, kids are being active and playing in a team. It's also great if they do something more unusual. You can be proud of your footballer kid while someone else is proud of their kid for being original.

@Sparklingbrook

I sat here nodding at your post. Totally agree, and yes to being a very tough position to play. I don’t think you could force a child to do that unless they really wanted too. Most goalkeepers have excellent organisational skills and do shout a lot of instructions to team mates. Our coach has a zero tolerance blame culture on our goalkeeper and rightly so. Some teams will not be a correct fit for your child, so it pays to shop about we found.

I have to say when we went through the Golf years with DS I wasn't thrilled, really not my cup of tea. So boring but wouldn't have dreamt of trying to dissuade him as he was really up for it. He had lessons but we had to go out and play a round every week. Yawn. I'm glad now that he's an adult he can go and play a round with his mates and he knows all the stupid rules to be able to though.

It's all about giving stuff a go when they are younger. See what fits.

Our DS had no interest in football - he didn't like the aggressiveness of some of the boys who play, so while he did play in PE or whatever didn't want to be in a team or do a club. At the time, around 7 years old, it seemed like he was missing out plus there are SO many cheap holiday club options around football! However, we got him into cricket, swimming and tennis instead. Now age 11 he's plays in a cricket team, and in a tennis team, is active and loves it. Most of his friends, bar 1 or 2, are no longer playing football in any organised manner. They all dropped it other than park kick arounds.
Our DD however has played football since the age of 6. LOVES it, and plays in a team still 4 years later. Let them follow their interests. We still dont have a football team, or watch much football on TV except world cup type games. DD find mens footie boring, apparently they spend too much time on the ground pretending to be injured rather than trying to score...

@InTheDrunkTank

I personally find football dull. I once fell asleep at a premiership football match (the poor old guy next to me😂) hence that was the last match I ever attended.

I don’t find watching my son dull though. It’s a completely difference experience watching him in the match excel at his “thing”.

My daughter dances (again her choice, i wasn’t a “dancer”) and to be honest I find that even more dull. Apart from one yearly show it’s just a case of dropping her off to the door each week.

They like what they like I guess. When I was a kid I played music to a very high level but none of them have gone down that path.

'There were some twatty parents and as they got older some twatty kids (generally the kids of the twatty parents) but you get that in every sport when the parents somehow think their child is better than they actually are, or are living vicariously through them due to maybe their own childhood failures at sport?

HA! This... I'm my DD's team manager and some of the parents ( dads) are absolutely nuts at games sometimes! We have a 'respect line' which is basically a bit of rope that the parents have to stand behind on one side of the pitch, then the girls & coaches are on the opposite side from the pitch well away from their parents.This stops the parents 'helpfully trying to coach their own kids, which stresses the kids out and annoys us coaches, and keeps them from trying to interfere with the match too much.
My first game was an eye opener! parents forget that at the age of 7-11 particularly that it's all about skills development, match experience, learning how to play and having FUN with your teammates.
We have a behaviour consequence pathway for both kids and parents - and lets just say I've never had to discipline a child more than having them have a 5 min timeout from training but a couple of dads have come close to being so far down the parent pathway that they're not far off getting banned from coming to matches!

@Chillychangchoo Oh absolutely I feel a little relieved now that neither of my kids happen to be into football but if they were I'm sure I'd get into it and enjoy watching matches etc. It's just natural. Both my kids have random hobbies I didn't know much about but now have got into. We tend to be proud of the kids we have and hopefully encourage whatever interests they develop.

@sailmeaway Neither of my kids are top level players in anything (and not in much danger of going that way ) but obnoxious parents seem to be a feature in absolutely any children's sport at a competitive level. I have a few friends who children play very competitively in a number of different sports and it features in all of them. I've even seen ridiculously over competitive parents at the local park run.

Some of the dads are appalled that I don't watch much football, but manage a team. But the truth is watch Premiership football really doesn't add much to being able to encourage and coach children, whereas doing the FA coaching certificates does.

I knew nothing about cricket before DS started playing, have little interest in the sport, but love coming to watch DS games with his friends. It's different when you actually care about the players...

Too much pressure for boys to be into football. If they want to try it, fine, and if they have no interest, also fine. There’s more to life than kicking a ball round a field.

DP has no interest at all in football. Has not done him a bit of harm. Rugby is another matter though! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 While the Six Nations are on, I can forget about making any plans with him.

@sailmeaway the sports teachers I remember fondly from growing up are the ones who really enjoyed interacting with the kids and acred about what the kids were getting out of it. Being overly invested in the sport/outcome of thematch itself is almost a disadvantage - you sound great!