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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

340 replies

4fingerKitKat · 29/05/2021 08:39

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

OP posts:
TheWeeDonkey · 29/05/2021 19:15

Kids will be into what they're into. DH and his cousin are both football mad. DS got into it at around 7/8 and enjoys playing and watching but DNephew can take it or leave it. I don't think football is an essential part of being a boy.

LemonRoses · 29/05/2021 20:02

@Sparklingbrook

I doubt any boy would go through all of High School and never have a game of football as part of PE.
Mine never did and he went to a comprehensive for the majority of the time.
Sparklingbrook · 29/05/2021 20:05

@LemonRoses why does that not surprise me? Grin

ihavethehighground · 29/05/2021 20:30

Our DS wanted to go climbing and has been having lessons for about 4 years. Loves it. Friends, high level of fitness and none of the aggro that comes with football

LemonRoses · 29/05/2021 20:37

[quote Sparklingbrook]@LemonRoses why does that not surprise me? Grin[/quote]
Oddly enough, the only football fanatic I know is our daughter’s boyfriend. He captained the Eton team.

RockPainting · 29/05/2021 20:50

I must warn my DCs of the intense classism that football can engender.

LemonRoses · 29/05/2021 20:52

RockPainting. Absolutely. Just look at the behaviour of football fans compared to, say, Lacrosse fans.

RockPainting · 29/05/2021 20:55

I do hope you're being ironic @LemonRoses.

I've always found archery spectators a little on the rowdy side myself.

LemonRoses · 29/05/2021 21:07

RockPainting Archery is for very idiosyncratic folk, isn’t it? I think it’s mainly those who were sent on too many day camps as children - or had a scout leader who was an enthusiast.
Dangerous group because they can always pass it off as an accident......Sometimes, I think my husband and I should take it up.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 21:25

@ihavethehighground

Our DS wanted to go climbing and has been having lessons for about 4 years. Loves it. Friends, high level of fitness and none of the aggro that comes with football
Not something you can do in your lunch hour though, unless you go to school in the Himalayas.
Pottedpalm · 29/05/2021 21:31

@Sparklingbrook

I doubt any boy would go through all of High School and never have a game of football as part of PE.
Mine did
Pottedpalm · 29/05/2021 21:32

Many schools have a climbing wall; the school I taught at had one and it was in use every lunchtime

Echobelly · 29/05/2021 21:33

This is interesting as sometimes DH has agonised that he should have introduced DS to football more - he himself isn't into it but when DS was tiny DH was saying he really ought to because it has so much social value among boys and he felt he missed out on it because his parents never got him into it and it was all boys ever talked about/did at primary school etc etc. But like a lot of things, it wasn't something he got round to and every now and then he's all 'Oh I should have done it he'll miss out'. I keep telling him it doesn't matter - DS would never have been 'sporty' I think, he's not and never has been interested in it. Some kids, like DH's niece and nephew were just naturally sporty and our kids simply aren't. And I don't think you can force it. Plus I think you can't do it half-arsedly - DH was talking about maybe going to local team matches now and then but I think it's hard to 'fake it' if you're not interested, and also local matches just wouldn't cut it. If you really wanted to cultivate an interest that would mean watching premier league matches every weekend, or certainly very regularly, and looking up the results every week, and we would never have managed that as we're just not interested!

My feeling is it's OK that we're allowing him to cultivate an interest in a few video games (though he doesn't play half as much as some peers) so when he starts secondary school next year he will have something 'mainstream' to talk about with other kids.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 21:38

Joking aside though potted that isn’t a sociable activity and while I certainly don’t think children need to be socialising all the time it would be a bit of a shame if every lunch time was spent climbing.

wingsandstrings · 29/05/2021 21:40

Yeah, neither DH nor I had the remotest interest in football, but then DS age 7 commented that at lunch you were either 'in the football gang or in the left-out group' so we signed him up for a football activity and he had an awesome time. It is a handy skill, a bit of a social currency amongst boys (no one jump down my throat, obviously girls play too, in fact my DD is a pretty good footballer but she is one few girls in her class who play, football skills are in no way a social currency for the girls).

likeafishneedsabike · 29/05/2021 21:47

I think it’s a form of cultural capital. This week I overheard a conversation about European football between two teenage boys. One is autistic with communication difficulties and has had a TA throughout secondary. One is a Jack the lad type. They were having an extended and in depth chat: it struck me that footie is a real communication tool.

MaryShelley1818 · 29/05/2021 22:08

I loathe football....DH is mildly interested although I've never actually seen him watch a game.
We won't be introducing DS or DD to it as we've got no interest in it. If either of them become interested through other means then we'll support them as we would with any hobby.
Neither of my nephews show any interest in football (14 and 11) and many other boys (and girls). There are plenty of people of all ages not interested in it so no need to push it onto them anymore than you would any other hobby.

littlebillie · 29/05/2021 22:15

We took the decision that know football was a great leveller and although my DS is no superstar he learnt about team building, communication and turn the other cheek when playing against idiots.

He was at his fittest when he played and was tough through the cold and rain.

He will probably have a 5 aside now and again. We aren't football lovers, but this is a popular sport, there are less injuries than rugby.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/05/2021 22:34

I think enabling a child to have age appropriate basic vocabulary relating to something so popular in the UK is quite important socially just to give them the choice of being included with peers if they wish to be.

FlyingPandas · 29/05/2021 22:39

I am actually proud to have three boys who, despite having had an introduction to the game (ie via PE lessons plus attending a very low key school run Saturday football club in infants school), have no real interest in football. They are 16, 11 and 8.

I don't watch football - DH does, but he loves watching all sports and he's by no means a football nut, and as a result our boys enjoy watching a variety of sports with him but it's never been about football.

And in all honesty that is a relief. My boys are far more geeky than sporty and as a result their friends are also, by and large, lovely, inclusive, non-alpha type kids, My boys have not missed out in the slightest by having no interest in football and if anything having boys with no interest in football makes you realise just how many boys genuinely do not like or care about the game. Kids will always find their tribe.

I know in theory football is a team game and kids should learn about communication and good sportsmanship and playing for their team and yah yah yah BUT the reality is that, in my experience, football causes the absolute most nastiness and unsportsmanlike behaviour amongst children (and parents!) of any primary school activity I know.

The ones who are good at it can be really horrible to those who are keen to play but not that good. The parents can be utterly awful in the name of football. I know of so many 'Football Twat Dad' types who have literally fallen out with other parents due to football team selections and so on and have been complete and utter arses about it.

Quite often footballers (Marcus Rashford aside) are not great role models for kids and the fans can be even worse.

Boys (and girls) do absolutely NOT have to play football and frankly there are far better role models in players and fans in almost every other sport going.

My boys do enjoy sport: DS1 is a karate black belt, DS2 plays squash, DS3 adores tennis. But they are all completely meh about football and that's just fine by me. I genuinely think our lives are probably the happier for it.

VienneseWhirligig · 29/05/2021 22:43

Our DS was practically brought up in a football stadium from birth, as DH and I both worked at one and would bring him to games instead of childcare. He's an adult now and always has a football in the boot of his car, just in case he is out with mates and they fancy a kick about, or we go on holiday and he wants to play with his auntie and granddad. He never played much at school, and although he understood the offside rule at an early age, it wasn't something that came into his friendships much as a child. It was all YuGiOh cards and sitting in the library at lunch for his group of friends.

I don't think there's any harm in not knowing about football if that is what his friendship group is like, so if he is happy with his friends then I wouldn't worry too much unless he starts to show more of an interest. You could ask him if he's interested, but I would probably just follow his lead to be honest.

xprincessxjanetx · 30/05/2021 00:10

YANBU.

Me and my husband have no interest in football or any other sports for that matter. We have 3 DS age 10, 4 and 10 months and none of them have any interest in football and I couldn't care less.

weegiepower · 30/05/2021 00:34

Yanbu, I have sons and neither myself or ex h or my partner have any interest in football, and my sons don't either, they like playing rugby. Football isn't a huge thing in the school they're in, more of the boys seem to play rugby/tennis/ cricket

wingsandstrings · 30/05/2021 08:58

@FlyingPandas

I am actually proud to have three boys who, despite having had an introduction to the game (ie via PE lessons plus attending a very low key school run Saturday football club in infants school), have no real interest in football. They are 16, 11 and 8.

I don't watch football - DH does, but he loves watching all sports and he's by no means a football nut, and as a result our boys enjoy watching a variety of sports with him but it's never been about football.

And in all honesty that is a relief. My boys are far more geeky than sporty and as a result their friends are also, by and large, lovely, inclusive, non-alpha type kids, My boys have not missed out in the slightest by having no interest in football and if anything having boys with no interest in football makes you realise just how many boys genuinely do not like or care about the game. Kids will always find their tribe.

I know in theory football is a team game and kids should learn about communication and good sportsmanship and playing for their team and yah yah yah BUT the reality is that, in my experience, football causes the absolute most nastiness and unsportsmanlike behaviour amongst children (and parents!) of any primary school activity I know.

The ones who are good at it can be really horrible to those who are keen to play but not that good. The parents can be utterly awful in the name of football. I know of so many 'Football Twat Dad' types who have literally fallen out with other parents due to football team selections and so on and have been complete and utter arses about it.

Quite often footballers (Marcus Rashford aside) are not great role models for kids and the fans can be even worse.

Boys (and girls) do absolutely NOT have to play football and frankly there are far better role models in players and fans in almost every other sport going.

My boys do enjoy sport: DS1 is a karate black belt, DS2 plays squash, DS3 adores tennis. But they are all completely meh about football and that's just fine by me. I genuinely think our lives are probably the happier for it.

It's a popular but weird and untrue generalisation that sporty kids are not inclusive and are not lovely. You say that your DC are friends with geeky kids not sporty kids so their friend are lovely . . . . It's such an unhelpful way of viewing kids. In fact in my sporty DS's class in Secondary the geeky kids are really exclusive; very sneery about boys who aren't great at maths and computing, implying that sporty kids are somewhat less bright or more neadethal - I have wondered in the past where they get this attitude from but if their parents say stuff at home along the lines of what you've written in your post then I guess that's where they get it. Sporty kids, theatre kids and geeky kids all have a tendency to be exclusive and inclusive, to be lovely and awful. It's unhelpful to view them in these rigid groups anyway, most of my DS's rugby team is also doing art or music GCSE because they are talented in the arts. Let kids be multi-dimensional people, they can casually play football without it defining their whole persona.
Chillychangchoo · 30/05/2021 09:05

@wingsandstrings

Totally agree. The most judgemental post I have ever read on this site. Literally giving her sons a superiority complex because they’re more “geeky” and not “sporty”. That’s anything but inclusive.