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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband drunk

115 replies

ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:15

I've just got in from a night out and found my husband drunk on the sofa. I'm really upset - our children were in bed and he was supposed to be looking after them. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 29/05/2021 01:16

It depends how drunk.

ineedaholidaynow · 29/05/2021 01:17

How old are the children?

Tee20x · 29/05/2021 01:17

How old are the kids?

Ellegeebee · 29/05/2021 01:20

Definitely need more info: how old are the kids? How drunk? Asleep and a bottle of wine on the side or in a pool of his own vomit?

Original poster
ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:23

6 and 4.
No not sick or anything. Just a bit merry. But I'm annoyed with him.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 29/05/2021 01:26

A bit merry, like 2 glasses of wine?

Vodkaandballoon · 29/05/2021 01:28

I can't see the problem. A lot of parents have a few drinks in the evening after the kids go to bed especially at the weekend.

Rainbowqueeen · 29/05/2021 01:28

So not capable of dealing with an emergency??

Did he know what time you were due home/ able to take over?
Does he resent you going out - could he be behaving in this way to stop you feeling you can leave him in charge?

I’d make it clear that you expect him to be able to look after the kids in the same way you do when he goes out.

If it happened again I’d be considering my options

Original poster
ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:29

A few whiskys. He wasn't passed out or anything like that. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Crazycakelady17 · 29/05/2021 01:29

I wouldn’t like it at that age personally and ours be annoyed too

SympathyFatigue · 29/05/2021 01:34

@ladymary78

A few whiskys. He wasn't passed out or anything like that. Am I being unreasonable?
Yes yabu unless there's a huge backstory or he was meant to be checking on an I'll child. If he's just had a couple and gone to sleep on the sofa I'd not be in a flap.
Original poster
ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:34

Don't think he'd have been capable of dealing with an emergency. Our children never wake but I keep thinking what if they had?
No, he doesn't have a problem with me going out, he's really hands on, he usually does more of the parenting than me and he does encourage me to see friends etc.
I don't think it was calculated but I do feel he's been selfish and irresponsible.

OP posts:
Tee20x · 29/05/2021 01:39

Hmm I'm undecided. I'm sure there was a similar thread the other day about a poster having a drink while looking after a friends child? And similar responses of "would they have been able to deal with an emergency" were highlighted.

But as PP have said unless there was a particular reason to suspect one may occur e.g sick child or something, if always thinking of the "what ifs" you'd never do anything!

If he is normally hands on and has no issues with you going out, and there isn't a huge backstory, then maybe just mention how you feel & move past it ?

I know that I have on occasion had a glass of wine once DD has gone down for the night though.

Kidson · 29/05/2021 01:39

Are single parents never allowed a few? I don’t see the problem

Topseyt · 29/05/2021 01:41

You are overthinking it. I don't see the issue unless there is some huge backstory.

Original poster
ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:44

Thanks everyone. I'm not happy but won't worry too much. I'll talk to him in the morning and explain how I feel but not have a row!

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 29/05/2021 01:51

I'd say a couple of whiskies is fine, so long as he has a normal tolerance to alcohol. If he can talk, walk in a straight line and wake up when roused then there's no issue.

Vodkaandballoon · 29/05/2021 01:51

My kids are a little older now but when they were that age my Husband was a submariner & away for months on end. On a fri/sat night I would open a bottle of wine & chill. May have been tipsy or even pissed sometimes but I'd still be capable of calling 999 if needed. If my Husband had 'had a talk with me. It would have gone down like a cup if cold sick.

BusterGonad · 29/05/2021 01:52

What I mean is, if he's pretty much acting normally but just a bit merry. Like the average person after 2 drinks.

Topseyt · 29/05/2021 02:25

@ladymary78

Thanks everyone. I'm not happy but won't worry too much. I'll talk to him in the morning and explain how I feel but not have a row!
I don't think I would even bother doing that
TriteMale · 29/05/2021 04:46

This reply has been deleted

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JackANackAnoreeee · 29/05/2021 06:25

I can see what you mean as I'm qute cautious and prefer to always have someone sober to care for the kids but I don't actually think he has done anything wrong if he's just a bit merry. In the event a kid suddenly woke up sick and needed his help he'd be able to sort the situation out.

TinySaltLick · 29/05/2021 06:46

Based on the information provided I think you are being entirely unreasonable, I think this is not in any way abnormal and a non issue. If anything he deserves a few to enjoy whilst you are out and about.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/05/2021 06:48

A bit merry? YABU.

MsTSwift · 29/05/2021 06:50

Sounds like a barrel of laughs in your house op!