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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband drunk

115 replies

ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:15

I've just got in from a night out and found my husband drunk on the sofa. I'm really upset - our children were in bed and he was supposed to be looking after them. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
grapewine · 29/05/2021 06:50

Going by this logic no single parents could ever have a few drinks in the evening after the children are in bed. YABU.

OrangePowder · 29/05/2021 06:53

Do you never have a drink together while kids are in bed?

Personally, drinking alone feels.like a it of a slippery slope so I don't do it often, but "a bit merry" isn't a concern in itself IMO. However, a bit merry doesn't equal not being able to deal with an emergency.

3Britnee · 29/05/2021 06:55

@ladymary78

A few whiskys. He wasn't passed out or anything like that. Am I being unreasonable?
If he'd be able to call a cab or ambulance in an emergency, I think you are.
ThorFull · 29/05/2021 06:56

Oh come on.
A few drinks won’t stop you dealing with a vomiting child, changing bedsheets , cut knee or any other normal “emergency”.
Yes, it’s stops you driving. But honestly, if my child needed emergency hospital treatment, I wouldn’t want to drive anyway! I’d call a friend or a taxi and sit in the back with the child. Certainly not deal the hassle of parking when I arrived either.
And of course a few drinks doesn’t mean you are suddenly incapable of calling 999.

The things on mumsnet sometimes.

Bezzi · 29/05/2021 07:03

In the nicest possible way, yes I think you are over reacting.

It would be a non issue for me. You can have a couple of drinks, be a bit merry/be drunk and still be perfectly capable of looking after small children in an emergency (on the very tiny off chance that an emergency might happen to occur)

I wouldn't even mention it.

MsTSwift · 29/05/2021 07:05

We literally live next door to the large local hospital so always internally smile at the “you can’t drive to hospital” reason for not having some wine on a Friday night! A&e is literally 5 mins walk from our front door. Funnily enough our last house was near a hospital too must be drawn to them!

fluffythedragonslayer · 29/05/2021 07:13

Is there a back story? I'd be really annoyed by this too but that's because my husband has a history of alcohol issues and getting drunk alone is a red flag where that is concerned. For me it's like he gets jealous if he knows I am drinking he has to be too.

LegoPirateMonkey · 29/05/2021 07:21

The driving to hospital thing always annoys me because I didn’t learn to drive til my kids were older, lots of people don’t have cars and when my child did have a life threatening emergency I wouldn’t have been capable of driving safely in the shock and stress of it all anyway. Having a driving licence isn’t a requirement of parenthood. There are taxis, family/friends and if necessary, ambulances. So if a parent wants a couple of drinks, fine. Too drunk to function, obviously not fine!

TriteMale · 29/05/2021 07:23

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Shoxfordian · 29/05/2021 07:23

Yabu
It doesn’t sound like he was too drunk to help them if there was an emergency and he could always call 999 if he really needed to

fluffythedragonslayer · 29/05/2021 07:27

@TriteMale

I thought we were talking about a few whiskies, not 'getting drunk alone'? I certainly have a few female mates who wouldn't be impressed to be told they were irresponsible to have a couple of glasses of wine when the kids were in bed.
Thread title is "husband drunk"
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 29/05/2021 07:27

A couple / a few glasses of wine? Merry = slightly tipsy, but still able to function pretty normally. Yabu

I wouldn't expect someone looking after kids not to drink at all, because there's no need. Even in an emergency, as long as he can call a taxi / ambulance / fire brigade if needed, that's enough. You don't need to be 100% stone cold sober all the time just because there's a child in the house.

Checkingout811 · 29/05/2021 07:29

YAB massively U

Why even bring it up this morning.

TriteMale · 29/05/2021 07:33

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rwalker · 29/05/2021 07:33

Loads of people have a few drinks when the kids go to bed or go for a night out and take over from babysitter when they get in.

YABU i'd be well pissed of if I was him and you brought it up.

Most people would sober up very quickly if there was an emergency after a few drinks.

Sally872 · 29/05/2021 07:34

Don't think he'd have been capable of dealing with an emergency. Our children never wake but I keep thinking what if they had?

If he had a few drinks and was a bit merry I would expect he would pull it together and phone NHS or 999 in an emergency. If he was slurring his words or falling about when be walks I would be annoyed.

hardboiledeggs · 29/05/2021 07:37

YABU he’s not “drunk” he’s had a couple of drinks when his kids are asleep safely upstairs, there’s nothing wrong with that. If he was paralytic sparked out in the couch I’d agree with you but he’s not.

SarahBellam · 29/05/2021 07:39

A few whiskies is perfectly fine. A bottle of Jack Daniels and lying in a pool of his own puke is not.

lceniWarrior · 29/05/2021 07:43

Maybe the OP has a few during her night out and her reasoning was impacted?

I'd be surprised if someone can't deal with an emergency after a couple of whiskies.

Kittykat93 · 29/05/2021 07:44

Honestly if I'd had a couple of glasses of wine in the evening and my husband had a go at me for it I would not be impressed at all. From your title and op I thought you meant he was passed out drunk on the sofa. YABU

AFS1 · 29/05/2021 07:45

If I’d had 2-3 drinks I would be perfectly capable of looking after my children in an emergency. And if my partner decided to talk to me about it the next day, I would be telling him to back the f**k off and stop being so controlling.

What happens if both of you go out, OP?

Lemmeout · 29/05/2021 07:54

Mumsnet is so random at times.
Votes would be turned off by a man that had his mum so his washing and yet ...
So many votes for YABU to a dad being half cut whilst looking after his 2 young dc. If he needed to drive anywhere he couldn’t do that either.

Kittykat93 · 29/05/2021 07:57

@Lemmeout

Mumsnet is so random at times. Votes would be turned off by a man that had his mum so his washing and yet ... So many votes for YABU to a dad being half cut whilst looking after his 2 young dc. If he needed to drive anywhere he couldn’t do that either.

He had a couple of drinks, stop being dramatic. In case of an emergency, you can call for help, some parents dont have a driving license you know, does that mean they are incapable of looking after their own kids??

Peace43 · 29/05/2021 08:56

A couple of whiskeys... yabu. I’m a single parent and regularly have a couple of drinks on a weekend evening and snooze on the sofa I’m front of the tv. A lovely end to a tough week!

Bluntness100 · 29/05/2021 09:00

Do you not drink op? Is there some form of backstory here where you have issues with any alcohol consumption?

A bit tipsy as very different to what you indicated in your op. Which conjured images of him passed out on the sofa off his head.

In an emergency most people, even a bit tipsy can immediately step up.

I don’t think it’s fair to mention it to him. It was his Saturday night too. The kids were safe.

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