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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband drunk

115 replies

ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:15

I've just got in from a night out and found my husband drunk on the sofa. I'm really upset - our children were in bed and he was supposed to be looking after them. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
zukiecat · 29/05/2021 11:00

@anothernewtop

I didn't say he drank every night either. What I meant was the OP had a night out and her DH couldn't manage that particular evening to not drink.

OrangePowder · 29/05/2021 11:01

I can't imagine wanting to drive to the hospital in an emergency situation. Apart from driving in a distressed state, what do you do with your car? Circle the multi storey for ages looking for a space then carry DC across the hospital campus?

anothernewtop · 29/05/2021 11:02

[quote zukiecat]@anothernewtop

I didn't say he drank every night either. What I meant was the OP had a night out and her DH couldn't manage that particular evening to not drink.[/quote]

But she didn't say he couldn't manage. Just that he had a drink. Nobody had suggested he didn't.

Not managing without a drink is something very very different to choosing to drink when your wife is out.

anothernewtop · 29/05/2021 11:05

The driving is a red herring on this thread anyway. Not all households have cars. When my DS was taken by ambulance I went with him, in the ambulance. I also took my younger DC because DH was at work - he met us at the hospital. DH didn't have the car, I had dropped him at work that day. The car was at home. Once DC was seen and we were told he had to stay in I sent DH and younger DC home - they got a taxi but could also have used the bus.

isthismylifenow · 29/05/2021 11:06

Yes, agree with pp. Massive overreaction to him being tipsy.

I am going with there is a bit of a back story that he goes out every now and then, and when he does you don't have a drink at home. So perhaps you feel he should have done the same?

TooManyGlasses · 29/05/2021 11:06

I don’t drink at all when alone with the kids but then I’m a lightweight! I wouldn’t mind my husband having one or two drinks when on his own with them, but no more - not to the point of being at all tipsy or over the drink-driving limit. It’s only responsible, surely?

Seeingadistance · 29/05/2021 11:07

It’s not even about whether you’d need to get a child to hospital - although that could be an issue. It’s even more about whether you’d be able to make good decisions about and for your children. Alcohol impairs our judgement.

JemimaJoy · 29/05/2021 11:09

If you could wake him, the children could have too. Have you ever had a serious situation arise when mildly tipsy? If so you'll know most people instantly sober up and are fjne to deal with issues - if it genuinely is just 'slightly tipsy' and not 'drunk'. I certainly would be fine if slightly tipsy.

audweb · 29/05/2021 12:14

@Seeingadistance

I assume that most of those who’re saying it’s fine to drink while looking after small children don’t drink drive.

If you accept that drinking may affect your judgement such that driving isn’t a good idea, then why do you think that drink would not affect your judgement when caring for children?

My child is not bit of heavy machinery that could kill people if used incorrectly that’s why.
TwoAndAnOnion · 29/05/2021 12:20

@ladymary78

A few whiskys. He wasn't passed out or anything like that. Am I being unreasonable?
Totally unreasonable
Macncheeseballs · 29/05/2021 12:26

What about people who don't own a car, are they allowed to drink at home whilst looking after kids?

Rno3gfr · 29/05/2021 12:32

It’s really not a big deal

Rno3gfr · 29/05/2021 12:34

Everyone fussing about being able to drive to a hospital- that do you think us non-driver parents so in an emergency??

newnortherner111 · 29/05/2021 12:35

I think if it is a one-off, not too bad. If it is regular solo drinking say each Friday, or more often, then an issue.

Seeingadistance · 29/05/2021 12:37

"Seeingadistance
I assume that most of those who’re saying it’s fine to drink while looking after small children don’t drink drive.

If you accept that drinking may affect your judgement such that driving isn’t a good idea, then why do you think that drink would not affect your judgement when caring for children?

audweb
My child is not bit of heavy machinery that could kill people if used incorrectly that’s why."

@audweb

So the only time that alcohol impairs your judgement to the extent that you make unwise and potentially dangerous decisions is when you're driving? Drinking at any other time has no effect on you at all?

Macncheeseballs · 29/05/2021 13:10

Jeez that's the only way we got through the early years, poor fella

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/05/2021 13:29

People are absolutely ridiculous regarding drink. A couple of drinks will not impair your judgement to the extent that it is of danger to your children.

audweb · 29/05/2021 15:26

You compared getting behind the wheel of a car with looking after a child. They’re not the same things at all. After two or three wines I’m still able to phone for a taxi or ambulance or respond to my child waking up, but coordinating myself to drive a heavy car at speed would be more difficult. It’s daft to think they are the same.

CatsPyjama · 29/05/2021 16:09

So as parents we shouldn’t have a drink at a bbq, wedding, family occasions/birthday then either.

cardibach · 29/05/2021 16:24

@Seeingadistance

I assume that most of those who’re saying it’s fine to drink while looking after small children don’t drink drive.

If you accept that drinking may affect your judgement such that driving isn’t a good idea, then why do you think that drink would not affect your judgement when caring for children?

Because my child wasn’t a ton of metal travelling at speed. In an emergency you call 999. Anything less than that and you can take time to make the right decision - a few seconds/minutes. While driving reaction times are in the parts of a second. Nothing alike as situations at all.
cardibach · 29/05/2021 16:28

@MistyGreenAndBlue

The amount of people on here declaring their absolute right to be impaired by alcohol while responsible for their children is ridiculous. The culture of alcohol dependency in this country needs addressing. Why exactly does anyone NEED to drink alone in their own home anyway? When did this become the norm? It's irrelevant that you are probably capable of dealing with an emergency if necessary (maybe, maybe not) it IS irresponsible and you all know you wouldn't get away with "just a few bevvies" at work. Why is looking after your kids less important to you? I guess I just don't get it.
When did this become the norm? Are you serious? As a child in the 60s I remember my (older and Methodist) father taking me to the off-licence where he bought demijohns full of Sherry to drink at home. As for ‘bevvies at work’ it’s only recently that hasn’t been the norm too - Friday lunch out with colleagues and a couple of drinks was the norm until maybe 20 years ago. Nobody is talking about being ‘impaired by alcohol’. They are saying they wouldn’t be impaired in terms of emergency reaction. It isn’t ‘alcohol dependency’ to like a drink on a Friday night.
cardibach · 29/05/2021 16:31

@newnortherner111

I think if it is a one-off, not too bad. If it is regular solo drinking say each Friday, or more often, then an issue.
Why? I live alone. Every drink I have at home (and apart from anything else, pubs haven’t been open) is taken alone. Should single people be more or less the total then?
cardibach · 29/05/2021 16:32

Tea total not the total, obviously.

orangejuicer · 29/05/2021 16:34

If he had fallen asleep and hadn't had anything to drink would you feel the same way?

bumblingbovine49 · 29/05/2021 16:51

This thread is really interesting. I think adults drinking anything more than one small alcoholic drink when they are in sole change of children is at poor end of parenting though I accept it isn't terrible. I have very occasionally done it ( like 2-4 times in the 16 years I've had DS) but I still think it is pretty poor parenting

Thirty years ago it was fine to.have a few drinks at lunchtime as long as your job wasn't one where you were responsible for others lives. Nowadays you would probably be fired from most jobs if you came back to the office ' tipsy'. If it isn't ok to be tipsy when the worst that is likely to happen is you might have an unproductive , I can't see how it is ok when you are in charge of children

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