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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband drunk

115 replies

ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 01:15

I've just got in from a night out and found my husband drunk on the sofa. I'm really upset - our children were in bed and he was supposed to be looking after them. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
anothernewtop · 29/05/2021 17:16

I think adults drinking anything more than one small alcoholic drink when they are in sole change of children is at poor end of parenting t

Poor parenting affects the child. This scenario did not.

TriteMale · 29/05/2021 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CandyLeBonBon · 29/05/2021 19:22

This thread is hilarious! Not in a good way!

Macncheeseballs · 29/05/2021 19:25

Bumblingbovine, what's the view like from up there?

Crazycrazylady · 29/05/2021 19:43

Honestly by your logic Op. single parents can never have a glass of wine and a couple can never share a bottle over a meal when their kids are in bed.
I think you are hung very unreasonable and my dh would get a short shift if he tried to lay down the law to me.
( having said that I very rarely drink at home ).

TinySaltLick · 29/05/2021 20:34

@bumblingbovine49

This thread is really interesting. I think adults drinking anything more than one small alcoholic drink when they are in sole change of children is at poor end of parenting though I accept it isn't terrible. I have very occasionally done it ( like 2-4 times in the 16 years I've had DS) but I still think it is pretty poor parenting

Thirty years ago it was fine to.have a few drinks at lunchtime as long as your job wasn't one where you were responsible for others lives. Nowadays you would probably be fired from most jobs if you came back to the office ' tipsy'. If it isn't ok to be tipsy when the worst that is likely to happen is you might have an unproductive , I can't see how it is ok when you are in charge of children

Agree, once one becomes a parent of children which sleep at points during the day their single priority in life must be to avoid any risk whatsoever which could negatively impact (perceived or otherwise) any slither of their wellbeing. This is why it is utterly irresponsible to drink anything other than spring water or kale smoothies, go to bed later than 8.30pm to ensure one isn't tired when looking after a child, must only graze upon goji berries to avoid any unnecessarily burdensome meals which can impair concentration, halt creative hobbies which do nothing other than take time away from critical sleeping time (see above) or preparing intellectually stimulating activities for the following day, bathe more than thrice a week for the same reason, or wear any clothing which isn't an athletic lyrca bodysuit in case one needs to save said child from a thundering steam train / falling boulder / crumbling chimney breast where denim simply wouldn't provide the necessary manoeuvrability at pace to avoid something deeply terrible happening every other week
TheValeyard · 29/05/2021 20:51

I still think it is pretty poor parenting

It really isn't though.

Original poster
ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 21:38

Thanks, it has actually really helped to read so many comments that I'm probably overreacting and today in the cold light of day I can see I probably was. We did have a chat about it and he actually said himself he drank too much last night (think he felt rough!) but we didn't argue.
Just to set the record straight, we do have a drink when the kids are in bed and I didn't mind at all him having a couple of drinks if I'm out - as I would if he was out - it was just the fact that he was drunk that irked me. We tend to only drink more than a couple if someone else has our kids overnight. Maybe we're being too precious! 🤣 But anyway, I didn't get annoyed with my husband this morning! I did make him be the one to get up with the kids though as we've always had an arrangement that when one us has a night out we get a lie in and the other one gets up with the kids!!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/05/2021 21:43

But anyway, I didn't get annoyed with my husband this morning! I did make him be the one to get up with the kids though as we've always had an arrangement that when one us has a night out we get a lie in and the other one gets up with the kids

Wow, considering he does most of the parenting that seems a little bit shit for him.

Original poster
ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 21:57

He does most of the day to day parenting because I work long hours and he is a stay at home dad - he hated his job and was desperate to leave and so I supported him in this decision.
We always give each other a lie in after a night out - nothing worse than having to get up early after a late night. When he goes out he gets to lie in, I wanted the same this morning - what's wrong with that?

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 29/05/2021 22:37

@ladymary78

He does most of the day to day parenting because I work long hours and he is a stay at home dad - he hated his job and was desperate to leave and so I supported him in this decision. We always give each other a lie in after a night out - nothing worse than having to get up early after a late night. When he goes out he gets to lie in, I wanted the same this morning - what's wrong with that?
Wow.

Imagine if the roles were reversed here. That's quite a controlling attitude, op.

As it's not a regular occurrence and he's generally a decent sort from what you've said, you really do need to give your head a wobble.

Original poster
ladymary78 · 29/05/2021 23:04

You're right, he is a decent sort. I'm not saying he isn't and if you read my earlier post, I realised this morning I had nothing to be annoyed about. We all get things wrong sometimes - I don't think over reacting makes me controlling.
And why is it controlling that he does more stuff at home when I'm at work? I work a 55 hour week and he's taking a couple of years off so I leave for work early on a morning and he gets the children sorted and does the school run. I get home at 6pm so he does the school pick up and gets tea ready. He supports me in my career and I support him taking a career break. We have different roles, we're a team. And we give each other a lie in when we get the opportunity for a night out. It's nothing to do with control.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 29/05/2021 23:10

You're very lucky op.

I do all that as a single parent of 3 with a disengaged ex, who has recently got a degree, is undertaking a masters and runs their own business. Enjoy the supportive relationship you have, don't fall into the trap of assuming that his time at home is less important than yours and accept that he's allowed to be human, just like you. Thanks

TricolourCat · 29/05/2021 23:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I know someone who was away on business and the partner was at home in charge of the young child. They had a few glasses of wine and a fire started, it wasn't clear if it was a cigarette or an electrical device. The partner was woken and got out but didn't reach the child.

CandyLeBonBon · 29/05/2021 23:22

@TricolourCat

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I know someone who was away on business and the partner was at home in charge of the young child. They had a few glasses of wine and a fire started, it wasn't clear if it was a cigarette or an electrical device. The partner was woken and got out but didn't reach the child.
That's a very extreme, awful and utterly tragic accident. It's not remotely similar to the lives of millions of people throughout the country who feel able to have a drink or two when their kids are in bed.

To imply otherwise is scaremongering nonsense.

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