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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you regret not having had sex with more people?

337 replies

BrilliantBetty · 27/05/2021 17:28

I feel that I should have experimented a bit more in my youth.

I married my first long term boyfriend.

I find myself daydreaming about situations that happened when I was at Uni or similar, when I could (should!) have slept with someone else but didn't and feeling a sense of missed opportunity. I guess it's curiosity to some extent. At the time I had the idea that not having slept with multiple people was desirable? Not sure why now.

So not really an AIBU, I guess I'm just interested to know if other people sometimes feel this way?

OP posts:
LawnFever · 27/05/2021 21:27

No, had sex with loads of different men before DH and don’t regret any of it, have no idea how I’d feel if I hadn’t, but I’m happy with that.

IdblowJonSnow · 27/05/2021 21:29

No because I was very active back in the day! Can barely remember it/them tho!

Lookingoutside · 27/05/2021 21:29

I felt like that when I was married. Now I can sleep with as many people as I want Smile

2ndAugust · 27/05/2021 21:30

No, I had sex with all the people, and it was fab. Grin

Lookingoutside · 27/05/2021 21:31

I do regret how totally shit a lot of the sex I had when younger was. There’ll be none of that now!

Fountainsoftea · 27/05/2021 21:33

Evan Dando!!!!

How could you not? I don't think my brain would have had any say in the matter on that one.

Justcashnosweets · 27/05/2021 21:34

I've slept with quite a few blokes, and don't regret it at all!

Nancylovesthecock · 27/05/2021 21:36

@RefuseTheLies

I'm sorry I never slept with more women. Bisexual and now married to a man. Magic number heavily weighted towards men (purely because they are easier to find than bisexual / lesbian women and easier to get in to bed Grin)
Me too. I have never slept with a woman. It's only as my confidence has grown in my 30's that I have realised I am bisexual.

However I am now happily married and madly in love with a man, so that ship has sailed for the rest of my life as far as I'm concerned. Sad though, I would have liked to have experienced making love to a woman.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 27/05/2021 21:38

@LemonMuffins

Nooo, I did a lot of shagging and I'm glad I did otherwise I'd definitely regret it now. I wouldn't change the number (I don't actually know what it is Blush) but I would swap out some of the people Grin
Snap....!
PattyPan · 27/05/2021 21:45

No, I think I slept with roughly the right amount for me (5). DP and I met at university and I’m the only one he’s been with though so sometimes I feel a little bit bad that he won’t get to have those experiences but only a little bit - obviously he had the opportunity to, it’s not like we got married in freshers week.

Vallmo47 · 27/05/2021 21:48

Nope.

Met my partner at 18, had saved myself for someone I loved and 21 years later still happy with this decision.

Craftycorvid · 27/05/2021 21:59

Hell, yeah! Got with the first man who asked when I was 19 - no attraction but I’d been taught that I’d be lucky to get anyone at all. After that there’s been one more relationship based on ‘thinking myself lucky’ and one based on blind lust. The last one settled into friendship after a while.
I have the mind of a sex fiend trapped in the body of a troll, sadly. There were never the opportunities for me and now I fear it might be too late....

thepeopleversuswork · 27/05/2021 22:00

I don't think having multiple partners necessarily results in better sex. You can have better sex with one person you really love than with 30 strangers.

That said, as a general principle I think its not a bad idea to get a few under your belt. Just because I don't think its too healthy to get used to the idea that only one person can satisfy you sexually. It's really about you more than them anyway and how you feel about yourself. And being with one partner and one partner only for eternity isn't great for the idea of building a sense of self.

HairyToity · 27/05/2021 22:02

I slept with 3 blokes before DH. Don't regret not sleeping with more. DH is by far and away my best lover.

OhGodNotThisAgain · 27/05/2021 22:06

If your sex life is shit right now then work on that instead of fantasising that you can change the past.

Why exactly do you think a higher quantity of sexual partners would make you happy?

Dyra · 27/05/2021 22:08

No for me (13), but I know for a fact it's a yes from my DH (1).

We met about halfway through our first term at uni when we were both 18. We'd both led very sheltered lives up until then. However, in the few weeks of freedom we had before we got together, I went mad, while DH didn't. I know he regrets not taking the opportunity when he had the chance. I can't fault him for that. If our situations were reversed, I'd feel the same way.

thepeopleversuswork · 27/05/2021 22:11

@OhGodNotThisAgain

If your sex life is shit right now then work on that instead of fantasising that you can change the past.

Why exactly do you think a higher quantity of sexual partners would make you happy?

It's not so much that a higher quantity of sexual partners makes you happy: I just think you're on thin ice if you're overly reliant on the idea that there's only one person for you. There's no such thing as "the one". The more you get used to the idea that different sexual partners can each bring a different sort of pleasure, the happier you are likely to be.
YellowFish12 · 27/05/2021 22:15

Nope.

Slept with 5 people. Right amount for me. Don’t feel I missed out.

1 lovely but a bit awkward, we should have left it at friends. Still friends now.

1 amazing ‘summer of love’ experience with a guy who was fab and I’d probably say was my ‘sexual awakening’.

2 highly average casual hook ups.

Then my long term partner who I’ve been with for 13 years and am very happy sexually with.

userxx · 27/05/2021 22:18

@LunaNorth

(Just to be clear, the first 20 years were with a different partner).

Glad you cleared that up, I was wondering how you'd managed to turn it around after so long!

Original poster
BrilliantBetty · 27/05/2021 22:35

I have the mind of a sex fiend trapped in the body of a troll,

My favourite response Grin

It isn't that our current sex life isn't any good... more a feeling of what else could have happened. Could sex be better. I don't know. It looks more exciting on telly. And in books.

OP posts:
NightoftheLivingBread · 27/05/2021 22:38

@Summerfun54321

Anyone who’s had a lot of one night stands knows the sex isn’t great. Quick, (usually drunk) and fumbling. Good sex is about quality not quantity!
Fully disagree – have had some amazing ONSs with many fond memories of lovely men and excellent sex.
IEat · 27/05/2021 22:48

Great times
One I wish we had dtd rather than just kissing because he was amazing at that, I imagine how great it would have been
Been so bloody long since I’ve been near a man I think I’m cobwebbed 🤣🤣🤣🤣

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 27/05/2021 22:58

My number is high, mainly from when I was in my twenties. I don’t regret any of it - I made some bad decisions in relationships but the sex was good. I think you are just as likely to have an unsatisfactory experience looking for a ‘spark’ that isn’t there as taking a chance on short acquaintance.

Definitely had better sex single than when exclusively partnered, which informs my current choices.

ClareBlue · 27/05/2021 23:16

@Poptart4

Yes, I settled down at 20.

Sleeping around didn't interest me back then. I suppose milddle aged boredom has somewhat set in and I look back and think I missed out on a wild youth.

But I'm not massively disappointed just mildly regretful.

Sorry, I read that as you settled down on your 20th partner... Not what you meantGrin
Happycat1212 · 27/05/2021 23:26

Thinking about it more i was with my ex from 21 to 28 and I haven’t slept with anyone but him since I was 21 in now 32 and haven’t slept with anyone in 4 years as I would rather have no sex than causal sex/fwb etc been there done that (before meeting my ex) and it didn’t make me happy and I honestly didn’t enjoy it but just went along with it through pressure etc far too many regrets!