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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you regret not having had sex with more people?

337 replies

BrilliantBetty · 27/05/2021 17:28

I feel that I should have experimented a bit more in my youth.

I married my first long term boyfriend.

I find myself daydreaming about situations that happened when I was at Uni or similar, when I could (should!) have slept with someone else but didn't and feeling a sense of missed opportunity. I guess it's curiosity to some extent. At the time I had the idea that not having slept with multiple people was desirable? Not sure why now.

So not really an AIBU, I guess I'm just interested to know if other people sometimes feel this way?

OP posts:
PufferFishGoneWrong · 27/05/2021 20:44

I had my time and had a good time. since meeting my husband it's only been him.

Would I do it the same if I had it all over again. Yes I would, give or take a couple or more.

BurbageBrook · 27/05/2021 20:45

No, I actually wish I slept with less. Couple of them i like to forget...

My best sex has been with long-term partners.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 27/05/2021 20:50

Definitely not, non of it was great or meaningful at all, until dh.

Minstermouse · 27/05/2021 20:53

No, the opposite tbh. If I’d met him first, I really wouldn’t have bothered with the others.

(Not prudey at all, would encourage youngsters to go with their feelings. Just wish I’d met him first and saved myself some awkward situations/disappointments Grin)

HPFA · 27/05/2021 20:54

I'm still with the first person I slept with.

No real regrets as I've never had any other offers. If there were a long list of gorgeous men I'd turned down I suppose it might be different.

Plus DP has been happy to accommodate changing preferences anyway. We had very different sex after I had DD because my body reacted so differently to things. So even though it's been just the one man it doesn't feel like its been boring.

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/05/2021 20:55

@Summerfun54321

Anyone who’s had a lot of one night stands knows the sex isn’t great. Quick, (usually drunk) and fumbling. Good sex is about quality not quantity!
I've had a few really great one night stands, though I agree it's not the norm (ltr sex can be a bit like this sometimes too, though). But not all casual sex is one night stands. Serial, short-term relationships or multiple FWB situations can give you breadth without every encounter being a one off.
Echobelly · 27/05/2021 20:56

Nope, not at all. Had sex with two people other than DH and fine with it.

TurquoiseDragon · 27/05/2021 20:57

I would have liked to experiment before I met my ex. Then perhaps I'd have realised it wasn't me who was shit at sex, it was him.

Now I'm single and almost ready for dating again, and looking forwards to experimenting. Not necessarily bothered about having a relationship.

Applesonthelawn · 27/05/2021 20:57

No. There are a few I'd like to forget.

Still1nLove · 27/05/2021 20:57

Yes and no

I have only slept with one man in the last 20 years (my stbxh), no regrets

Aged 20/22 I had a lot of on night stands and I regret them all, all met in pubs and clubs. I was looking for love and a relationship and that wasn’t the way to find it

I had a friend with benefits aged 17, no regrets

But, I had a few boyfriends/dates that I wish, now looking back with the hindsight of maturity, I had slept with and given them a chance

Elsiebear90 · 27/05/2021 21:01

In all honesty yes, I’ve slept with five people, but I met my fiancée within a couple of years of coming out as gay, and before that I was very firmly in the closet and in denial, didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21. I felt like I was just coming into my own so to speak and enjoying being a lesbian and sleeping with women, then I met my fiancée, I do wish I would have realised/accepted I was gay a lot sooner and done more exploring before settling down.

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/05/2021 21:02

No, definitely not I wouldn’t have wanted to have had sex with anyone other than my husband.

DeeDimer · 27/05/2021 21:03

I slept with (far too) many men. Now happily married in a heterosexual relationship but do wish I'd had the confidence to have slept with other women and maybe a 3 sum. Too old, too fat, too menopausal now.

traumatisednoodle · 27/05/2021 21:10

Several friends bitterly regret the large number of men they slept with in their youth.
Why ?
My number is just double figures (I think what counts as "sex" anyway?) but I don't regret any of them, I learnt something from all of them. Like others wished I'd slept with more women although I have had a couple of threesomes.

YukoandHiro · 27/05/2021 21:10

Yeah I was unnecessarily moral in my late teens and early 20s. Had a long term boyfriend instead of playing the field at uni (error) and also didn't make moves on people I really liked because they were "in relationships".

Looking back, I think it's ridiculous. Until you're married and/or have a kid it's all fair game really. The worst that would have happened is that I'd be knocked back as they were faithful. Fair enough.

Ah well. I'm happily married with kids now. I feel very grateful to not be dating at this age.

YukoandHiro · 27/05/2021 21:12

Oh yeah also I'm bi and didn't realise/put the pieces and early experiences together and work it out til I was over 35. But married to a man so didn't explore that side of myself.

Fountainsoftea · 27/05/2021 21:12

I slept with a fair few. Dh is def up there in my top shags, but I've been lucky.

I think what I miss is that dangerous moment: that one where you suddenly realise it could go either way. I think I found that quite addictive.

TurquoiseDragon · 27/05/2021 21:15

To add to my previous post, ex was my only one, and he was abusive. Before I left, during the last few years he said he wanted to spice up our sex life, and what he really meant was me being coerced into stuff I didn't want to do. And he raped me more than once.

So I'd like to go out there and experience more sex, women as well as men. I've always known I was bisexual but could never tell ex as he'd take it as a reason to push me into threesomes.

peboh · 27/05/2021 21:16

Nope. I married my first 'boyfriend', but I had a lot of fun when I was single. I wasn't interested in a relationship until I met dh, but I definitely wasn't a mum.

peboh · 27/05/2021 21:17

Nun* even.

IsItSafeToBeOptimisticYet · 27/05/2021 21:17

Nope. Only ever slept with my husband and happy with that choice.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 27/05/2021 21:20

Not going to lie, I had loads of sex, with 60-70 men. I then met my now husband and settled down. I feel content.

SaltySeaAir · 27/05/2021 21:23

I know what you mean. I met my husband when I was 18, never had sex with anyone else. I don't regret anything about our relationship, and feel incredibly lucky - just wish I had maybe met him one year later, and had a year at uni single!

MsRinky · 27/05/2021 21:23

I wish I'd shagged Evan Dando in 1991 instead of snogging him and running away because I didn't think I was that kind of girl, but otherwise I'm very happy with my choices.

PinkSatinMoon · 27/05/2021 21:24

No 🌸

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