I’m so desperate to get better by my GP isn’t interested.

[lollipop10]

I’m suffering right now with severe anxiety.

Last year the pandemic triggered anxiety and OCD (I’ve suffered for a long time)

It was so severe that my husband couldn’t cope and he left me last year.

I got some medication and therapy and made some great Improvements.

However recently I’ve taken a huge turn again and I’m not coping.

I’m completely paralysed with fear about catching Covid and the result being death, and I’m also paralysed with fear about having my second AZ vaccine and the result being death because of a blood clot.

I called my GP last week and really didn’t find her supportive.

I’ve felt so utterly down since and have struggled to find a reason to want to be here anymore (I’m not suicidal)

Today I’ve called back as I’m not functioning, I’m
so fixated on my impending death either from Covid or the vaccine and I do not see a way out.

I asked the receptionist to speak with another Dr but unfortunately it was the same one who called me back.

I had a complete breakdown on the phone and the GP so abruptly just stopped me and said “I can’t understand you with all that whaling going on”...

I explained to her, again, how I’m feeling and she sighed and asked “what are you expecting me to do”.

I told her my mind is stuck in a repeat cycle of this worry and I literally cannot cope.
The Sertraline isn’t helping me and I feel like
I don’t want to be here, I want to just run as fast as I can and just keep running. (Not sure how else to explain how I feel)

Her response was “you’re being extremely silly about this, I’m guided by science, so much so that I’ve been happy for my own daughter to have the AstraZeneca vaccine. Take it or don’t, but don’t expect to be able to travel if you’re refusing the vaccine”

I hung up. I’m sat here absolutely sobbing and I don’t know where to turn to.

I’m so incredibly lonely and my last port of call for help was a GP who just wasn’t interested in the slightest and has made me feel so much worse.

I so so desperately want to get better, I just don’t know how. 😭

@lollipop10

*You are not listening to all the posters correctly saying that your risk of death is almost nonexistent, from either covid or the vaccine*

But you don’t know what and neither do I or anyone else.

I cannot tolerate the uncertainty 😣

And it’s your intolerance of uncertainty (as well as sense of over responsibility) that is a central part of your treatment for OCD. The content of your thoughts is not the problem, it’s your belief in them and need to neutralise them in some way (by external behaviour/internal compulsion). The risks of Covid or otherwise is actually irrelevant believe it or not OP and no reassurance about it will work right now (as you know). In terms of thinking and behaviour this is a process problem not a content problem iyswIm. You would really benefit from CBT and it really is possible to recover.

@2bazookas I read the OP. There are many different medications and other therapeutic options. And the option of referral to a CMHT. Admittedly, I'm not in the UK, but in the ROI, a GP can try more than one medication before referring on.

Doses can be changed too.

The chance of blood clot from the vaccine is really low. You've got more chance of getting one from being on oral contraceptive pill if you've ever been on that. Do you avoid car journeys becuase of the risk of a crash? Its the same sort of thinking really (a car accident is also more likely than a blood clot)

(Also to add I never claimed I had a solution. Just describing what a GP could possibly do.)

I am really sorry you're suffering with MH issues and I do think the GP ideally should have been a little more sympathetic but honestly I can see why she snapped judging from your replies on this thread. Every time someone has tried tom reassure you, you're having none of it. You say you want an alternative vaccine but if she offered you an alternative 2nd vaccine would you just find a reason to be terrified of that and ring the surgery about that too?

And btw I have had a lifelong phobia of death where I have panic attacks over it every single night but I just don't share your fear of Covid as I know the risk is so minimal. But I do understand how awful ideath phobia is and did not mean my reply to sound nasty.

@lazylinguist

GPs understand but they can’t help. If every GP who is feeling overwhelmed went off sick, there would be practically no GPs left. Did anyone see the report today, with a GP describing it as a tsunami of patients? That’s what it is.

I understand that, but there was no need for the gp to speak to the OP in the way she did. It's one thing to explain briefly but kindly that there's not a lot you can do. It's quite another thing to essentially tell her to shut up wailing and stop being stupid.

Of course it was wrong of the GP to talk like that, but what I’m trying to say is that GPs are broken, beyond exhausted, and in those situations then frustration can get the better of you. I can picture the scene. The GP has been working 12 hour days for weeks, she has a massive list of calls to get through, and never ending stream of receptionists knocking on the door with requests for calls, tasks coming in by email faster than they can be read, letters from hospitals listing interventions that are needed, literally hundreds of blood tests to look through , and of course staff issues to deal with. In the middle of this tsunami, she’s on the phone to a patient who has had medication, has had counselling, is terrified of Covid, terrified of the vaccine, and asking for alternative vaccine that is not available. GPs are only human. Sometimes they snap. And like I say, it’s no use people saying that if they can’t be professional then they shouldn’t be at work. Because if you removed all of us who have bloody nearly snapped in the past year, there’d be none of us left.

@Bagamoyo1 I agree.

Wow OP. The GP was not professional or helpful (both of which they are required to be). I'm sorry you had to endure that.

You are entitled to more therapy and a medication review. You need to call back and ask for this. You'r level of anxiety is unacceptable and you deserve better.

I hope you feel better soon

@carolcarolcarrot

Wow OP. The GP was not professional or helpful (both of which they are required to be). I'm sorry you had to endure that.

You are entitled to more therapy and a medication review. You need to call back and ask for this. You'r level of anxiety is unacceptable and you deserve better.

I hope you feel better soon

See my post above

If you have always used anxiety as a strategy to keep you safe then you'll be in the peculiar position of resisting attempts by people to pull you away from it. You can even see here that you are coming up with defenses and there's a lot of 'reason-giving' why nothing will work.
If you could accept that the anxiety is a type of behaviour your mind is doing that might help.
It's not you. The anxious thoughts are separate things. Your anxious thought today is just Covid. If we didn't have covid your mind would start thinking about brain tumours.
Why don't you get in touch with the therapist you saw before?
If you cannot afford therapy there are a lot of places that offer low cost therapy, like the psychotherapy colleges and they do that online as well now. I think the connection with a compassionate human being might really help you.

I agree, Shouting. Alternative therapy (CBT doesn't really have the evidence behind it when it comes to best treating OCD) and medication, a two-pronged approach

That’s not right. CBT does have the best evidence base for OCD, provided it incorporates ERP (exposure with response prevention).

Medication is also proven to help. CBT/ERP plus meds is the best bet. But it is worth trying different meds.

To find a qualified CBT therapist privately go to
www.cbtregisteruk.com/

GPs are only human. Sometimes they snap.

Agreed. However it's the second time the OP hasn't found her helpful, it's not an isolated incident. I don't think people are bashing GPs (who are working hard in difficult circumstances...doctors you are appreciated) it's this particular incident which is being criticised. In this example it doesn't sound professional.

It's really hard to make that call when you are struggling with mental health. Reactions like what's been described make it harder to access help again.

And the posters explaining the covid/vaccine risks are minimal...I think you are missing the point. The OP is ill and she can't be reassured as you might be if you aren't mentally unwell.

And the posters saying "well what exactly do you want the gp to do?" If someone is in crisis they can't come up with their own solutions/treatment plan. She can't see the wood for the trees.

OP please don't give up trying to access help. Either call the surgery again or try to access other help as people have outlined here.

@MrsBunHat

Op I’m late to the thread but I have been through similar and I understand. It doesn’t matter how small the risk is - it’s the fact that it is there and that means you will fixate on it happening to you. It is not about a rational assessment of risk.

I don’t think you can just reason your way out of it, or snap out of it, and your GP is shockingly crap. My GP was sympathetic and just kept trying me on different drugs until we cracked it. I am still on the drug that worked for me - venlafaxine - though I’ve gradually been able to decrease the dose and it’s now pretty low.

I can now function normally. I’m still a worrier but it’s not out of control and I can do things like take the vaccine without a problem as long as I feel fully informed. When I went to the GP it was extremely bad, but I’ve had it more or less all my life, and it’s amazing not to be tortured by it all the time.

You don’t have to live like this, and you don’t have to somehow solve it by being more sensible etc - you need to be supported through the process of finding medication that helps. My GP said my tendency to anxiety is to do with past events that have shaped my brain, and it’s very hard to get rid of it by just trying to think differently.

I think most GPS understand this - but if you can’t find a different GP then going private will also work.
You can do it.

Venlafaxine was one of the few drugs that really helped me too.

Your local health authority should have an NHS mental health crisis number, maybe ring your GP surgery & ask for the number. You can ask for it to be put on your medical records that you don't want to deal with certain doctors, I had to do this after receiving poor care from a GP at the surgery I use.

[quote MajesticWhine]I agree, Shouting. Alternative therapy (CBT doesn't really have the evidence behind it when it comes to best treating OCD) and medication, a two-pronged approach

That’s not right. CBT does have the best evidence base for OCD, provided it incorporates ERP (exposure with response prevention).

Medication is also proven to help. CBT/ERP plus meds is the best bet. But it is worth trying different meds.

To find a qualified CBT therapist privately go to
www.cbtregisteruk.com/[/quote]
@MajesticWhine is on the money. CBT treatment of OCD has a large body of evidence. Do look at the book I mentioned upthread @lollipop10 and at Professor Veale’s site. IAPT can have a long wait but there will be a lot of high intensity CBT therapists very well versed in treating OCD. You could also look on Psychology Today for a CBT therapist but they MUST be accredited by the BABCP. I really wish you the best.

I really do feel for the gp in this situation

Your GP is an utter cow. I raise a complaint.

I can only add three things to the advice given here.

Firstly, study the statistics for your age group, focusing on the % chance you have of dying of covid. You'll find it's about 0.5%. YOur chance of surviving it, even if you got it, are over 99.5%. Keep reciting this to yourself.

Secondly, don't have the second jab. It's unnecessary and is only causing you anxiety.

Thirdly, you need to find a different method than drugs to cope with your anxiety. Investigate that.

FWIW, I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for years and the doctors could not get to the root cause. It turned out to be plummetting blood glucose that caused it. Turned out I had reactive hypoglycaemia. So that's another thing you might like to look into.

OP, even if you had a second vaccine it still doesn’t mean you won’t get Covid. Even staying in your house doesn’t mean you won’t get it.

There is no possible way that you can eliminate the risk. And even if you could, you could get knocked down by a bus or find out tomorrow that you’ve got cancer.

There is no way to cheat death.

I think all this stems from your best friend’s shocking and untimely death. I strongly suspect you need grief counselling to deal with the source of your anxiety.

There is a gp like this at our surgery. He seems to absolutely hate me. I went in once with a really high heart rate after having a severe chest infection that took 3 courses of antibiotics to clear. Before I'd even started to tell him why I'd gone he started to go on about how he was amazed id never been given antidepressants for my anxiety and told me that there was no point being anxious as it doesn't help, and one in 3 people die of cancer! I was flummoxed. I hadn't been in for my anxiety in absolutely years, but he must have seen the notes the reception lady had written (racing heart) and assumed anxiety. Then he went on to ask if I was on any contraception (I am married with 3 dc) and I said no we are using condoms. He said you need to sort something more secure as you would not cope with another child! I honestly wanted the ground to open up it felt like such an attack.
I avoid him like the plague if any of the kids need to go. I often think of making a complaint about the way he was with me that day.
I feel for you op, there is nothing worse than feeling like you do, a Dr should be there to help you.

I have asthma and I’m overweight.

Same. I had COVID in November - no symptoms. I got my first Moderna shot in March and the second in April - no side effects. Your anxiety (I have it too, so I get it) is lying to you about how dangerous it is. The vast majority of people who get COVID recover.

If I were you, I would find a new doctor. I take Zoloft for my anxiety and it works well, but my son has been through several different drugs before we found on that works for him. There are tons of other ones you can try.

And like I say, it’s no use people saying that if they can’t be professional then they shouldn’t be at work. Because if you removed all of us who have bloody nearly snapped in the past year, there’d be none of us left.

Yes, I agree entirely. I didn't say anything about the gp leaving work. I'm a teacher and would say the same as you to anyone who said that all teachers who ever lose their temper should immediately leave the profession. That would be a disaster - there already aren't enough teachers. But that doesn't mean that teachers or gps shouldn't be complained about when they behave unprofessionally, or that the OP should just suck it up.

[quote lollipop10]@Nocutenamesleft

That can’t be your only 2 choices?

But they are. I either have the vaccine or I accept
I’m housebound forever to avoid Covid.[/quote]
Aww op, ocd is awful and you are in the full cycle of anxiety at the moment

If you haven’t already, please look at private help. I had private counselling and it was really freeing.
Completely changed my life. Whilst my ocd hasn’t gone completely, it is controlled enough that I don’t think about every day, I live my live as I want too. Occasionally I have to stop myself with intrusive though but in the main I can go months without worry.
I was very lonely when my ocd was at its worst, and I’m now have some genuinely lovely friends.

Covid isn’t really the problem, if it wasn’t covid it would be something else, covid had ramped it up.

Make a choice, and own it, stick with and keep telling yourself it’s your choice