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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking?

333 replies

PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 10:53

We have had our nanny for a month. She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.
She has been very accommodating, kids love her and been flexible. However, now the eldest has got into another school and it makes more sense to put her in the breakfast club. If the other kids get into the same school, we will do the same and put them into the club. DP told the kids this with nanny present this morning. Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out. She's meant to be back this afternoon. She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming. What am I meant to do now? I feel really shaken up.

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 27/05/2021 12:21

You sound just awful.

PaperbackRider · 27/05/2021 12:22

If you're so shaken by someone being angry with you, maybe don't be such a godawful, entitled, nasty employer and make them angry?

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 12:22

I actually don’t think so @Cam2020 - some people are genuinely self absorbed and selfish.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 27/05/2021 12:24

Do people really behave like this and think it’s ok??

I hope your nanny doesn’t come back, she deserves FAR better treatment!

misspattylacosta · 27/05/2021 12:24

I don't think she has been poorly treated.

depends.

You ARE planning on paying her full time, just reducing her hours but not her pay, aren't you PiedPiper558

Anything else and you are absolutely taking the piss.

Are you considering nannies as beneath you or something?

misspattylacosta · 27/05/2021 12:25

Your other thread doesn't help you by the way Hmm

KarmaStar · 27/05/2021 12:26

The nanny has been treated with disrespect and in an unprofessional manner and she deserves an apology .Does she have a contract?
It is sad that you feel entitled to treat her in this manner .Remember she has bills to pay,a home to run,you are very flippant about her welfare and appear engrossed in your own emotions.
Please have the decency to apologise,supply her with an excellent reference and to pay her for a month's notice at least for the hours she had rrelied on being paid for.
Maybe don't employ anyone else directly in the future.
Think of how you would feel if she had said to the children "I'm leaving tomorrow" in your hearing and when you asked her about it she told you you should have known and she was going to tell you tomorrow.

Flowerlane · 27/05/2021 12:28

Tbh I hope she leaves you in the lurch and doesn’t turn up this afternoon or any day. You have treated her terribly and how you have the nerve to say you haven’t when you can see everyone thinks you have is beyond me.

You mucked her around at the beginning gave it a couple of weeks then decide you want to cut her hours but instead of telling her first you tell her in front of the children? Really you can’t see a problem with this?

Also do you really expect the Nanny will be able to afford to live on reduced hours? You have taken massive advantage here as you knew you would be doing this from the beginning no matter what you say.

The Nanny did the decent thing and pulled your husband to one side to talk you, shame you both didn’t respect her enough to do the same.

Good luck to your Nanny hope she finds a placement that appreciate her and treat her fairly.

Utterly unacceptable behaviour from you and your husband.

Serpenta · 27/05/2021 12:30

Christ. Who'd be a nanny! Kids sound fine but so many of the parents sound like absolute dicks.

Diamondnights · 27/05/2021 12:31

It's not unreasonable that your needs have changed but if you expected that they might, you should have been open with the Nanny.

DH was v unreasonable to bring this up with in front of the children and even then, not directly to her, she was just there.

Nanny is unreasonable to show anger and storm out in front of the children.

You are VV unreasonable to make such a fuss about your reaction. Get a grip.

KnottedFern · 27/05/2021 12:34

I expect you will be looking for a new nanny. You've treated this one very badly so imagine she won't be coming back to do after school club with your kids!

GreyhoundG1rl · 27/05/2021 12:35

Jesus, the other thread Hmm
My granddaughter is being a right little arse towards our new nanny because nanny refuses to carry her school bag; should we get rid of the nanny?
I hope you never see her again, op. If she's any sense she's already solved your problem for you.

TurquoiseDragon · 27/05/2021 12:36

@Diamondnights

It's not unreasonable that your needs have changed but if you expected that they might, you should have been open with the Nanny.

DH was v unreasonable to bring this up with in front of the children and even then, not directly to her, she was just there.

Nanny is unreasonable to show anger and storm out in front of the children.

You are VV unreasonable to make such a fuss about your reaction. Get a grip.

I wonder if the nanny really showed anger and stormed out, or if this is an exaggeration of someone who was assertive and walked out?

Given the OP's hyperbole on shaking, I wouldn't be surprised to find the nanny's behaviour was exaggerated.

lanthanum · 27/05/2021 12:37

Imagine that she'd decided to resign, and told your husband when you weren't there in the morning. Then when you get home in the afternoon, you hear her telling the kids she's leaving. You would be rather upset to find out that way, wouldn't you?

helpmechoosewheretolive · 27/05/2021 12:37

I'd pop to the Sistine Chapel on your way home, OP, just to get all your emotions out.

Serpenta · 27/05/2021 12:39

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely.

Has it not occurred that she needs a full-time job so will probably tell you to go whistle for after school care?

TurquoiseDragon · 27/05/2021 12:40

Actually, given the nanny was sensible enough to pull the DP aside to talk, I'll go with exaggeration.

AlmostSummer21 · 27/05/2021 12:43

Jesus wept.

I hope she doesn't come back at all & leaves you in there crap - it's what you deserve

How can you not see how badly she's been treat

Would you like to have gone into work & your manager told the cleaner that you'd be part time?

AFS1 · 27/05/2021 12:43

@Serpenta

Christ. Who'd be a nanny! Kids sound fine but so many of the parents sound like absolute dicks.
This kind of person gives the rest of us a bad name.

We’ve had amazing nannies looking after our kids. They play such an important role in our lives and we completely respect the job they do. I would never ever dream of treating anyone with so little respect.

AlmostSummer21 · 27/05/2021 12:45

@GreyhoundG1rl

Jesus, the other thread Hmm My granddaughter is being a right little arse towards our new nanny because nanny refuses to carry her school bag; should we get rid of the nanny? I hope you never see her again, op. If she's any sense she's already solved your problem for you.
Oh

Explains a lot doesn't it.

I really hope the nanny is spending today lining up a new job.

I mean it's not like she has bills to pay or anything is it FFS

roxyk0303 · 27/05/2021 12:50

So basically you messed the nanny around for weeks at the start, then one month into her job she finds out via a conversation being had infront of her with a 3rd party that her hours are being cut, but you don't think there's anything wrong with that and don't think she's been treated badly? Wow

Dizzy1234 · 27/05/2021 12:52

I tnink we can call that a slam dunk / drop the mic moment for the hive mind of MN, who wants a fiver on the op not coming back on?
The links to the OP's previous threads were fantastic.
Righto, I'm off back to work, #teamnanny 😂

roxyk0303 · 27/05/2021 12:55

Doubt this is actually true. Just saw another thread in the 30 days only section from this same poster, but the nanny in that thread is for her grandkids, not her kids, and the eldest child apparently doesn't like the nanny in that one.

Someone needs to go back under their bridge I think 🙄🤔

chaosrabbitland · 27/05/2021 13:04

@Dizzy1234

I tnink we can call that a slam dunk / drop the mic moment for the hive mind of MN, who wants a fiver on the op not coming back on? The links to the OP's previous threads were fantastic. Righto, I'm off back to work, #teamnanny 😂
she,d be mad to come back wouldnt she lol . if this isnt a wind up and this op is real maybe shes having a mid afternoon sherry to quell the shaking
huuskymam · 27/05/2021 13:07

She's not wrong. You really should have told her before the kids.