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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking?

333 replies

PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 10:53

We have had our nanny for a month. She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.
She has been very accommodating, kids love her and been flexible. However, now the eldest has got into another school and it makes more sense to put her in the breakfast club. If the other kids get into the same school, we will do the same and put them into the club. DP told the kids this with nanny present this morning. Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out. She's meant to be back this afternoon. She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming. What am I meant to do now? I feel really shaken up.

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 27/05/2021 11:58

This is shameful.

The nanny put up with your faffing about, has provided a good service and you reward her a month later by cutting her hours & you let her know via idle chit chat with the kids.

She's a real person with a life outside your bubble. She will have expenses and plans of her own, for which she needs steady employment. She does not simply exist to facilitate your lifestyle that month.

The fact you see yourself to be the aggrieved party here shows an immense lack of self-awareness.

bigbaggyeyes · 27/05/2021 11:59

I'm not sure why you are shaking.

You've effectively told someone that you are cutting their hours in front of the children she cares for. This could be a huge blow for her and something that will heavily impact on her life, you should have done it privately. You and your dh have handled it very badly with no concern about her thoughts or feelings. You sound very selfish and thoughtless.

bigbaggyeyes · 27/05/2021 12:00

I'm not sure why you are shaken up! I imagine your nanny is feeling much worse

namechange30455 · 27/05/2021 12:00

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.
I'm not surprised she was angry!

She's only been there a month and you want to reduce her hours?! Presumably you didn't make it clear this was a possibility when you hired her?!

And your DP didn't even have the courtesy to let her know in a professional manner.

This MUST be a reverse, surely? Noone one can be this unaware of how they've acted?

BestestBrownies · 27/05/2021 12:01

I hope she ghosts you and you’re up shit creek for childcare now

Wiglio · 27/05/2021 12:02

OP you and your awful DH deserve each other
Shake away

Knittedfairies · 27/05/2021 12:03

I hope your nanny finds a new job soon; preferably today with an immediate start. Very poorly handled OP. Very poor.

FeatheredHope · 27/05/2021 12:04

OP with these over reactions I suggest you never visit the Sistine chapel :)

But yes. You and DH have treated your nanny appallingly. I would hope that karma comes for you both.

AmandaHoldensLips · 27/05/2021 12:05

Wow. What a shit way to treat a nanny. I mean, REALLY shit.

Rubyrecka · 27/05/2021 12:06

Shaking?! Dramatic much.

You've treated her as completely disposable! You sound a nightmare to work for

Campervanna · 27/05/2021 12:08

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.
It gets worse, you have messed her about for weeks (“ She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.”). She has “been very accommodating and flexible” but now, only a month into the job, you are not only going to tell her that you only want her for a fraction of the hours you employed her for, but even this is up in the air (“this is not a definite”). Do you seriously think that you haven’t treated her badly?? Would you be happy if your employer treated you like this? I sincerely doubt it! I really hope she tells you to stuff your job and tough if it leaves you in the lurch!
Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 12:08

Keep thinking about this and hoping it’s not real. I just can’t understand why they’d not treat the nanny with even a modicum of respect. Just why? Why treat people like shit?

I really hope this woman isn’t forced to go back and work for them today as she needs the money.

Giantrooster · 27/05/2021 12:09

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Aprilx · 27/05/2021 12:09

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.
You don’t think she has been poorly treated. Are you serious?

Can you imagine if this happened in a regular workplace? There would be an absolute outcry if people were told of hours been cut or redundancy in such a blasé indirect way. It is just the same, this is her job, her livelihood. You are very cavalier about it.

Hope she finds some decent human beings to work for in the future and tells you and your equally devoid of compassion husband where to go. You are not fit to be employers.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 27/05/2021 12:09

So you expect your nanny to be grateful for reduced hours and to keep her entire day free so that she can be there for after school, while choosing the cheaper option of breakfast club to save yourselves a couple of quid. And you told the kids this before her, while she was standing there.

If I were her I’d be telling you to stick your after school care up your selfish arses tbh .

MondeoFan · 27/05/2021 12:10

I still don't get who is shaking? You or the nanny?
I'm hoping the nanny as she is so angry with you

scully29 · 27/05/2021 12:12

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chaosrabbitland · 27/05/2021 12:12

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.
but it still sounds like you have messed her around and now you are cutting her hours , but you still really dont think you have treated her poorly ? really ? i bet she was angry ,most people in that situation would be . im not sure how your nanny is suposed to know whats going on as you havent actually spoken to her , shes not telepathic im wondering how you think she would know what is coming , nothing about your plans when you hired the poor soul sound definate which is why you have misled her to start with . hopefully she wont come back and you can then stop shaking
Theunamedcat · 27/05/2021 12:12

I hope she gets a new job and gives you something to shake a bout by dropping you right in it

You are seriously lacking respect

MolyHolyGuacamole · 27/05/2021 12:14

I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite.

So, even the reduced hours isn't a guarantee 😂 you're having a laugh. Come back abs answer for your Crimea OP!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 27/05/2021 12:15

Crimes*

WanderleyWagon · 27/05/2021 12:15

I'm afraid this was very badly handled. It should have been discussed with her before being shared with the children. I am not surprised she is very cross.
But the only way out is through; you made a mistake (or your DH did) and you'll just need to make a sincere apology, and be as professional and considerate as you can from now on, and let it play out how it will.

TurquoiseDragon · 27/05/2021 12:17

@scully29

This is made up clearly! enough with the nanny nonsense!
OP has posted another thread. And sadly, I see enough entitlement around that this one is believable to me. There are plenty of people who have no idea how to properly treat people they employ to work in their homes.
LadyJaye · 27/05/2021 12:19

Jeeso. 100% #TeamNanny here.

Cam2020 · 27/05/2021 12:20

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