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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum doing adult son's washing- would this turn you off?

404 replies

Larkstongues · 27/05/2021 10:29

Few disclaimers- this assumes son is mentally and physically capable of doing laundry.
I specifically mean mother here- I'm not talking about a man who has a very hard job employing a maid because he can afford it or a laundry surface. Outsourcing it to the professionals is OK.
I mean his MUM.
I 'm also not talking about borrowing her machine if his is too small for, by way of example, a duvet. Fair enough.

I've met a guy: he seems OK, he works but the standard 40 hours a week and lives alone.

He takes his washing round to his mum's once a week.

I don't know but the thought of a grown man having his mum wash his dirty underwear turns me off. Turns me off to the point I 'm thinking of calling it a day.
Now I KNOW it's my right to call it a day for whatever reason but I'm interested if this would be a dealbreaker for you lot, too or AIBU?

OP posts:
Rightthen24 · 27/05/2021 13:01

A mummy's boy is a massive turn off, run!

Naunet · 27/05/2021 13:02

Please do not bring Jesus into this. The thread is entirely bad enough without religion brought in to bolster things along

😂 fair point!

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2021 13:04

100% deal breaker, and I would tell him so.

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2021 13:04

@Larkstongues

Far from it, she washes and irons. Does it all.
Unless its in return for DIY or shopping or similar, yuck.
billy1966 · 27/05/2021 13:06

It would give me the ick because I associate it with helpless men.

If ye were to move in together would the assumption be YOU would take on the honour of this task🙄.

No thanks.

huuskymam · 27/05/2021 13:06

Depends on the reason, my dm would do everyone's washing if we let, simply because she likes doing it. She's forever telling me to drop her in some of mine even though I've got a washer, dryer and 2 capable teenagers who can load them.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 27/05/2021 13:06

TBH when my DD and her partner visit I do their washing for them, underwear and everything. I have no idea why this might be weird or skanky

Are they actually staying with you though? When I visit my mum (and stay) I put things in her washing machine too so I can take less with me, and have less to wash when I go home. But I wouldn't take a load over to her house if I lived within easy distance.

Anordinarymum · 27/05/2021 13:07

Why have people decided he is a Mummy's boy?

What if his mum wants to do it? Anyone thought of that?

I live with a man who can't do anything in the house. He is brilliant at his job but at home he is a useless slob. He once made a toasted cheese sarny when I was out walking the dog and almost set the house on fire. I would not trust him anywhere near the washing machine, so I really have no room to talk, but just maybe... this is an arrangement giving his mum something to do. She might have insisted ?? What if she lives alone and wants to be of some use?

We are not all pigeon holed.

Freecuthbert · 27/05/2021 13:08

YANBU... that would definitely give me the ick! Obviously would be understandable as a temporary arrangement like when washing machine is broken, but this is clearly not the case. Personally I feel like it's surely more effort to bag up all the dirty clothes and drop them off then pick them up than bunging them in the washing machine and tumble dryer Confused
Or is she the type to iron his socks?

I feel like when you have this dynamic, when you have a mum who bends over backwards to wash her adult son's underwear and the type of man who relies on mummy for this, there will probably be wider issues and you'll be expected to take on the mummy role in the relationship but never able to live up to his saint of a mum.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 27/05/2021 13:08

Anyway OP as you say there's no coming back from the ick Grin

Anordinarymum · 27/05/2021 13:08

@Naunet

Please do not bring Jesus into this. The thread is entirely bad enough without religion brought in to bolster things along

😂 fair point!

I was trying to be funny :)

Oh well back to the day job... washing my son's clothes (not)

Regularsizedrudy · 27/05/2021 13:09

He wouldn’t get within a 100 mile radius of my fanny. Grim.

JediGnot · 27/05/2021 13:10

@huuskymam

Depends on the reason, my dm would do everyone's washing if we let, simply because she likes doing it. She's forever telling me to drop her in some of mine even though I've got a washer, dryer and 2 capable teenagers who can load them.
On the one hand each to their own, on the other hand surely she needs serious psychiatric help if she is incapable of finding things to do with her time other than voluntary free menial labour?
Regularsizedrudy · 27/05/2021 13:10

@Anordinarymum

Why have people decided he is a Mummy's boy?

What if his mum wants to do it? Anyone thought of that?

I live with a man who can't do anything in the house. He is brilliant at his job but at home he is a useless slob. He once made a toasted cheese sarny when I was out walking the dog and almost set the house on fire. I would not trust him anywhere near the washing machine, so I really have no room to talk, but just maybe... this is an arrangement giving his mum something to do. She might have insisted ?? What if she lives alone and wants to be of some use?

We are not all pigeon holed.

If my mil insisted on doing my husband washing.. he would say.. because he’s a adult. You’ve married a moron.
Regularsizedrudy · 27/05/2021 13:10

Say no*

StClairStreet · 27/05/2021 13:11

When I met my husband his mum was still doing his laundry (though to be fair he was a student at the time - still unacceptable but not as bad as a 40 year old!). I told him I thought it was a bit juvenile and he happily started doing it himself. In fact he does literally all the laundry in our house now. His mum still does his brother’s laundry, he’s 27 and working full time.

It wasn’t a dealbreaker for me because my husband is a hard worker who does his share and more of the chores and who loves and respects his mum. Her doing his laundry was a habit more than anything, and he dropped it happily.

If the laundry had been indicative of a wider issue (laziness, misogyny, disrespect, helplessness) it would have been a dealbreaker. Luckily, it wasn’t!

Drinkingallthewine · 27/05/2021 13:15

One guy tried it with me and I point-blank asked him if he wanted me to be his lover or his mother because I can't be both. Like you, there's no way back from the ick.

waterproofed · 27/05/2021 13:15

Dealbreaker for me.

mindutopia · 27/05/2021 13:15

That would be a no from me. A single adult, living alone, should really only need to do washing every 5-7 days. It takes me 3 minutes to find all the clothes and put them in the machine and turn it on, and then maybe 5 minutes max to hang them all up to dry after. I do washing 5 times a week personally (myself and 2 dc, one of which goes through several changes of clothes a day). Dh and I both work more than FT and have childcare responsibilities and we can still figure out how to squeeze that in 5 days a week. I'm suspicious about a grown man who can't do that once a week when he seemingly has little else to do except work. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought that would become my job one day because he's never had to do it.

Rfjkf · 27/05/2021 13:15

Will she do mine as well?

Annasgirl · 27/05/2021 13:16

@Ninkanink - 100% agree with your post.

OP, I too would run for the hills.

And as for all of you who think it is normal? Dear God, it is no wonder so many women on MN post about their useless DP and DH, it seems there is a whole army of enablers out there.

Blossomtoes · 27/05/2021 13:17

It's just icky, you know-how a mother washing her mentally and physically capable adult son's pants

She’s not beating them on a stone, she’s opening a door, sticking them in and pressing a button!

QioiioiioQ · 27/05/2021 13:18

I would worry that his mother has assumed the role of surrogate partner to her son and she will not relinquish it

Chicchicchicchiclana · 27/05/2021 13:20

Yes it honestly would be a total deal breaker for me. I could not find a man who did this remotely sexually attractive. Not even if it was Adrian Dunbar.

Laydeechez · 27/05/2021 13:21

🤣🤣🤣

This is nothing in comparison to my BIL.

He’s almost 50, still lives at home & my MIL cooks, cleans & makes him hourly cups of teas 😩

He earns decent money & has almost 100k in savings so could move out but prefers to stay at home.

Oh did I mention he pays £30pw ‘board’ 🤣

To answer you’re question - it’s a no from me 👋🏽