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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum doing adult son's washing- would this turn you off?

404 replies

Larkstongues · 27/05/2021 10:29

Few disclaimers- this assumes son is mentally and physically capable of doing laundry.
I specifically mean mother here- I'm not talking about a man who has a very hard job employing a maid because he can afford it or a laundry surface. Outsourcing it to the professionals is OK.
I mean his MUM.
I 'm also not talking about borrowing her machine if his is too small for, by way of example, a duvet. Fair enough.

I've met a guy: he seems OK, he works but the standard 40 hours a week and lives alone.

He takes his washing round to his mum's once a week.

I don't know but the thought of a grown man having his mum wash his dirty underwear turns me off. Turns me off to the point I 'm thinking of calling it a day.
Now I KNOW it's my right to call it a day for whatever reason but I'm interested if this would be a dealbreaker for you lot, too or AIBU?

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 27/05/2021 13:22

There is a lot of intolerance on here for slobby men. This country was built on slobby men. They fought on the beaches etc etc...

Now they just let their mums wash their smalls..................................

They can't win. I mean look at Eurovision for GS.

Pottedpalm · 27/05/2021 13:23

@maslinpan

Just how many daughters bring their washing round to their mum?
When DD visits she brings washing. She has a washer but no dryer and no outside space . Im happy to do as much as we can get through the process during her visit,
PopAyetheSailorMam · 27/05/2021 13:23

@Chicchicchicchiclana

Yes it honestly would be a total deal breaker for me. I could not find a man who did this remotely sexually attractive. Not even if it was Adrian Dunbar.
No problemo Mr. Dunbar’s washing completed by wee dunkey. ;-)
Zzelda · 27/05/2021 13:26

@Naunet

Job this summer is to teach him basic ironing as his placement means smarter clothes. He’s left handed so this will be interesting

Genuine question, why would being left handed make ironing trickier?

Needs an iron with the lead on the other side'
Naunet · 27/05/2021 13:26

@Blossomtoes

It's just icky, you know-how a mother washing her mentally and physically capable adult son's pants

She’s not beating them on a stone, she’s opening a door, sticking them in and pressing a button!

So then why can’t he do it?!
Hardchoices · 27/05/2021 13:27

Total turnoff. All that would happen is that the second you moved in she would stop doing it as they would see it as your task to continue with. Fuck that.

Naunet · 27/05/2021 13:27

maslinpan
Just how many daughters bring their washing round to their mum?

How many being it round for their dad to do?

Cocomarine · 27/05/2021 13:28

@Pottedpalm but you have a reason - she has no dryer /drying space.
Would you do it for her if she did? Every week?

Naunet · 27/05/2021 13:31

Needs an iron with the lead on the other side

Why? I’m left handed, never found ironing a problem which is why I was curious.

BinocularVision · 27/05/2021 13:32

There is a direct correlation between some of the 'Oh, it's fine' responses to this and the preponderance of lazy, strategically incompetent men who feature on the Relationships forum.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 27/05/2021 13:33

I'd bin immediately and not give it a second thought. I don't do non-adults or mama's boys.

QioiioiioQ · 27/05/2021 13:42

He’s almost 50, still lives at home & my MIL cooks, cleans & makes him hourly cups of teas
He may not realise it yet but he is being groomed for the role of carer

Tiramiwho · 27/05/2021 13:42

This is actually very common in many European countries ( and in some cultures in the UK ) The mothers likes to feel useful I suppose. Many of them cook meals for their adult children and grandchildren, to be collected or dropped off..
It wouldn't suit me personally, but I don't think it's as much of a red flag as some are assuming.

PattyPan · 27/05/2021 13:43

Super weird. If they lived together I could maybe understand her doing all the household washing together. But an adult specifically taking stuff over for washing is weird!

whosappleman · 27/05/2021 13:43

I have a friend who's nan still does his washing at 40 years old. He's married with kids. She's lonely and loves doing it - chases him up if he forgets. It's a time for them to get together once a week when he goes to collect it and it works for them. He might just be a lazy shit bit it could be that his mum likes to do it

Sceptre86 · 27/05/2021 13:44

if he is looking to give his mum a 'purpose' he could encourage her to get out of the house, volunteer, great a job if she doesn't have one or encourage a hobby. Ypu don't supply her with a weeks worth of washing! I would drop him, if things get more serious he would probably expect to replace you with her and I would not be up for that. Even my 4 year old ds pits his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, I will have him loading the machine (under supervision) by 10. I wouldn't have respect for him, laundry is a thankless task but you either make time for it or outsource of you can afford it.

Ninkanink · 27/05/2021 13:44

@Larkstongues

Sexism issues aside, I just do not for the life of me understand how any woman (if not late teens/early 20s where, yeah, neither of you are expected to be completely independent) could be aroused by a grown ass boyfriend and share his bed KNOWING his mum would be washing sheets afterwards.

It's just nauseating.

I think this is one of the main reasons that so many women go off sex. They’re basically mummy to their OH; no wonder they’re not in the right place psychologically to have lots of great sex!
Sceptre86 · 27/05/2021 13:44

*if you can afford it.

JediGnot · 27/05/2021 13:45

@Tiramiwho

This is actually very common in many European countries ( and in some cultures in the UK ) The mothers likes to feel useful I suppose. Many of them cook meals for their adult children and grandchildren, to be collected or dropped off.. It wouldn't suit me personally, but I don't think it's as much of a red flag as some are assuming.
I get your point, but is there not an argument that cultural differences can be a red flag? Obviously opposites can attract, but if it is more cultural than childish and lazy of the son, then it still doesn't alter the fact that he could be expecting OP to take over when the mum dies or when she moves in.
Sceptre86 · 27/05/2021 13:45

*replace her with you even!

LaBellina · 27/05/2021 13:46

Going against the grain here, but why not?
If his mum is happy to help, they’re not hurting anybody by this.

I can think of worse turn offs.

Ninkanink · 27/05/2021 13:47

Mind you, my comment doesn’t quite fit the one I quoted - I’m more thinking of women who take over that mummy/housekeeper/skivvy role once they marry the useless man.

But what you’re saying about the lack of personal boundary between mother and grown son would also hugely put me off - I don’t want to be in some strange relationship triangle.

LaBellina · 27/05/2021 13:48

And no, my DH does his own laundry.
Would love it if someone would do mine, with love and for free Grin

Longdistance · 27/05/2021 13:48

Yuck! Does she wipe his arse too?!

PattyPan · 27/05/2021 13:48

@Zzelda admittedly I rarely iron because I’m lazy but I’m left handed and have never had an issue with using a normal iron. And I speak as someone sat at a desk with a left handed pen, pencil, mouse and scissors Grin