To ask if you budget for this??

[goldenfoldies]

Do/did/will you budget for helping out your parents in their old age/retirement?

If so how much?

I have name changed for this and am looking to settle an argument with someone. Won't say which side I'm on just yet. But just curious as to what others think/do?

NO way!

My dad's final salary pension is more than my pre-bonus salary AND they have a fully paid off house AND a private pension AND my mums pension AND savings.

So, no no no no fucking way.

[quote purplecrane]@Templetreebreeze no not what I meant at all. I was talking about financial support and how it is provided. I myself am a daughter who could never personally care for my parents (in the sense you mean). That is not what they need from me. I am lucky to be able to give them what they do need from me (well, the "luck" started with them, by the route of my education, so their karma really).[/quote]
Ok I get it but most people do not have the financial stability to pay for elderly care anyway, particularly if they have DC.
Its never been part of our social structure or expectation to pay out for hundreds of thousands in elderly care as a son or daughter as we have a
crap social support system.
I would rather that than the alternative though.
Take a look at the US
Bankrupcy due to medical bills is a huge issue.
Is that what you want?
Care for those who can pay but not for others?

Nope, my parents have plenty of money. We have discussed what we may need to do to help keep them in their own home (converting downstairs rooms to bedrooms etc..). I expect to help them but not financially

@purplecrane I'm here, sorry, busy day. Thank you all for your input. It's me who thinks that it's not my job to bank roll a parent. My siblings think otherwise. They want each of us to make a direct debit into said parents account as they are retired and with a small pension (smaller than what they thought) and said parent has a paid off house and is not the best with money to be honest. I earn well but I'm currently making my own financial plans that will be held back if I start having to add propping up a parent too.

That is much more of a fine balancing act than mine, you need to consider all factors and make a possibly tricky decision (especially as your siblings are involved). My case is very different, and apparently unusual, but I was just saying that in my position I have made these plans, yes. Not to say everyone should be doing this. (My wider political pont was that people should not have to choose between supporting family members and self-survival).

I don't like the language of supporting your closest family being a "job", though, nor the expression "bankrolling". When you care for your children or pick up your sister after her operation are you "bankrolling" them?

We didn't budget for, it but have helped them financially. We did it in a way that was mutually beneficial and saved their pride. Once we realised they were struggling and talking about equity release, we simply bought a percentage of their house. In effect, we provided equity release for them. It means we have half a house in Bath that has increased in value. Our return will likely eventually be more than other forms of investment and will be at a time when we are stepping down from work.

It means they had sufficient monies released to live comfortably in retirement. Win, win.

@purplecrane
I don't mind supporting in other ways...like bringing dinner round, taking them for the odd lunch, bringing them to the shops to do jobs/errands. Helping clean the house, weeds the garden etc etc. But expecting a direct debit of over 100 a month is a bit much when I'm not completely financially set up myself.

I too think the term bankrolling your parents is, at best, unfortunate.

No! My parents were much more financially secure than their children. Their generation benefitted from secure employment, massive property hikes, great investment rates, golden final salary pensions at a much earlier age than us.

Yes. I plan to send a out a hundred a month (nkt in the uk) when mum retires as a top up so she can treat herself to something nice. She will be financially ok, but I really want her to enjoy the time after everything so every little helps.

Mind me, she does not expect it. Expecting this is bit crass unless it's the culture.

Also, if you cannot, or don't eant to, you shouldn't be forced into it. That's wrong

My parents never asked or expected. But when lockdown started in their country I could hear the fear in their voices. They literally had no income from that day.

@purplecrane

My parents never asked or expected. But when lockdown started in their country I could hear the fear in their voices. They literally had no income from that day.

Out of interest what would full time care cost in their country?

They want each of us to make a direct debit into said parents account as they are retired and with a small pension (smaller than what they thought) and said parent has a paid off house and is not the best with money to be honest

I think the crucial parts of this are that
i) they have their housing sorted
and
ii) they are not good with money

So, no, I wouldn't be giving them £100pm (plus what your siblings are giving them).

They have made their choices of what to do with their money over their lifetime, and now you need to choose what to do with yours. It might be that you help them out with something they need to buy in the future or it might not. But they need to live within their means, or choose to downsize, or take a part time job or budget better or whatever it takes. They are adults and not your responsibility whilst they are well.

[quote Billandben444]@ThursdayWeld
It wasn't aimed at you but if it hit a nerve and a bit of profanity makes you feel better, crack on and, as you've no idea what any of us have to put up with either, you can put your judgy pants away as well[/quote]
It didn't make me feel better. Your post infuriated me because I wondered how compassionate you would feel if my relation had run over your child because they refused to stop driving? How compassionate you would feel if my other relation mowed down your loved ones? Because they, too, had delusions and confabulations and refused to change their lifestyle. I begged, and begged the authorities to listen to me, I begged social workers, and in the end it had to come to a crisis (thankfully not a lethal one) for each of them for someone to listen to me.

So please don't talk about compassion when you clearly have very little idea of what real compassion is, when it comes to older people who have no sense of the danger they are putting themselves, and others, into. Some of us have to pick up those pieces and having people like you imply that we lack compassion is hurtful, inaccurate, and damaging to others who may be facing the truth.

@WrongKindOfFace somewhere in the region of £1000 to £1500 a month for two

I agree, it's statement written by someone who has no idea.

Is the kind of statement written by people who want to make themselves feel better about their own choices.

The boomer generation are way wealthier than we will be (gen x). Of course that does not mean everyone is well off, there will always be poor people and rich people in every generation but the boomers have taken shed loads of money in increased property prices after having a comparatively favourable average wage to house price ratio, no succeeding generation can hope to find as well ( not for a good while anyway).

I am Boomer generation. Although my wealth has been entirely in income and not in property until last year. So that is unusual. And my property is very very modest and not in the UK.
My parents are from the Silent Generation. That might explain some of the differences between me and younger people on this thread? Not sure though.

@JeepersCreeping

Er,no.

Between childcare to afford a smaller dream house than my parents bought as a starter home, tuition loan fees, ridiculous commutes, paying into a crap private pension.... Vs my parents in a 4 bed house, civil service pension despite the fact that my dad was an unskilled worker and my mum a sahm... We (literally) live like paupers compared to my parents.

I've never asked them for a penny, and happy to have paid my way myself, but the idea we should or could pay for their old age is staggering!

My dad retired at 55. I'll be working until I drop.

My parents have significantly more disposable cash than me.

We earn more on paper, but by the time you factor in mortgage, childcare bills and commuting costs, bills we cannot avoid.. we literally have hundreds of pounds less than them to live off.

I love my parents but I can't help wondering how rich I'd have been if I'd had the same work ethic but been born 30 years earlier.

100% agree with this.

No. I expect their savings/pensions to pay and if they need care they both have a lot of equity in their homes ( over £500k each as divorced). Currently they both have a lot more money than me.

I will of course try to help if they're in difficulty but I don't see that arising and it would come out of the blue. DP parents are quite wealthy so they'll be fine.

@purplecrane

I don't like the language of supporting your closest family being a "job", though, nor the expression "bankrolling". When you care for your children or pick up your sister after her operation are you "bankrolling" them?

But thats what the thread is about! Financially supporting parents. Sorry but you seem to be changing your tune on every post. First its financial, now its just caring for them. No one is saying that they wont assist but with a NH costing upwards of 1K a week, how can someone in an average job be expected to find the money or even 100pcm?

@purplecrane

My parents never asked or expected. But when lockdown started in their country I could hear the fear in their voices. They literally had no income from that day.

So your parents have no pension? Thats a completely different situation to most people in the UK . You dont really have much choice then? I dont think its helpful berating people for not supporting parents when the vast majority of those parents dont need financial support

I'm a millennial with Gen X parents so I guess we're all screwed!