Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you budget for this??

480 replies

goldenfoldies · 26/05/2021 23:17

Do/did/will you budget for helping out your parents in their old age/retirement?

If so how much?

I have name changed for this and am looking to settle an argument with someone. Won't say which side I'm on just yet. But just curious as to what others think/do?

OP posts:
StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 27/05/2021 14:17

[quote fruityorange]@TheMostHappy It is not boomers who are predicted to be most likely to benefit from inheritances, but Millenials. Millenials are predicted to have far larger inheritances than any other generation, although obviously not everyone. Although you should never rely on an inheritance, most people do not end up in care homes.[/quote]
Isn't that because the parents of millennials were able to buy houses much cheaper and have therefore made a lot of money on them- thereby increasing the amount of money that millennials will inherit?

Of course this means that because house prices are absolutely insane, millennials aren't actually able to buy their own houses. Well, not until that inheritance comes their way.

And I can only speak for myself but somehow think I'd rather have my lovely mum and dad around for as long as possible than be concerned about getting my hands on their cash. And also would just like the cost of housing to be at the reasonable sort of level that I could afford something without having help to buy. It's a pretty crap situation really.

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 14:31

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind the situation for housing in this country is awful. And yes the inheritance situation is because lots of older people are the first generation in their family to buy a house. When I was young in the City I lived in, one-third of people owned a house, one third were in social housing and one third privately rented. Where my parents are about 90% lived in social housing. That has totally changed with a lot of previously social housing now privately owned and in some cases privately rented.
But it is predicted that the social inequality that will create (and we already have a lot of social inequality in this country) is going to create a lot more social problems.
What needs to happen is for house prices to fall dramatically. But the government keep doing whatever they can to prop them up.

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 27/05/2021 14:38

[quote fruityorange]@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind the situation for housing in this country is awful. And yes the inheritance situation is because lots of older people are the first generation in their family to buy a house. When I was young in the City I lived in, one-third of people owned a house, one third were in social housing and one third privately rented. Where my parents are about 90% lived in social housing. That has totally changed with a lot of previously social housing now privately owned and in some cases privately rented.
But it is predicted that the social inequality that will create (and we already have a lot of social inequality in this country) is going to create a lot more social problems.
What needs to happen is for house prices to fall dramatically. But the government keep doing whatever they can to prop them up.[/quote]
@fruityorange agree with you completely.

It's not the fault of previous generations for benefitting from social change- all the social change post war is a good thing. But yes the social inequalities are growing again and a lot of it is generational. It's not unreasonable for millennials/gen Z to just want to same kind of living situation as their parents and to be able to own a home. Most people don't want family help to be able to do it either!

TheKeatingFive · 27/05/2021 14:43

No, but they have a house which may be sold for the purpose.

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 14:43

But for that to happen, house prices need to fall dramatically. And most people argue against that as well. There is no other way. Yes it will negatively affect some individuals in negative equity including me. But houses need to stop being an investment and instead be a place to live. Either that or very heavily tax landlords. Make it unattractive for people to be landlords so the only landlords are those doing it seriously and not as amateurs.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 27/05/2021 14:44

@Pixxie7

Hopefully the social care act will be sorted and it won’t be an issue.
Can you hear my hollow laugh?
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/05/2021 14:54

My parents are considerably better off than I am, so wouldn’t need my support. I’d maybe move closer to them if they needed my time though.
One of my dc is training for a career that should be pretty well paid and says he’d love to buy me my own wee bungalow one day (I have mobility issues) which is obviously very sweet, but it’s not something I want him to feel he has to do. On the flip side I’ve said that I’d offer him and his partner childcare if I can if / when they have dc.

mobear · 27/05/2021 14:59

No, but that is because my mother is due a generous inheritance. If that wasn't the case, I may have had to consider it - but my father is from a culture where that would be less unusual.

AndSal92 · 27/05/2021 15:10

We do, largely because we are doing financially better than either of our parents and feel that a lot of that is down to sacrifices they made for us growing up. I think if they were very well off we might not though.

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 15:13

Just to add, my FIL was much better off than us. He lived far longer than he thought he would including his Drs. He was paying for carers visiting out of his own savings. But in his last year of life, he had run out of money so we helped. Obviously, someone with a house has that asset to draw on as well. But someone ill can run through savings quickly and there is less help out there than many think. So when he still had savings he had to pay for adaptations, an armchair that raised him, etc. It all soon adds up. And the state expects you to pay until you have very little savings or income.

EllieQ · 27/05/2021 15:14

Not for my parents. They had paid off the mortgage, and my dad had a reasonable pension, so it never crossed my mind. He died quite suddenly, mum’s health deteriorated, and she managed a few years at home with carers coming in before she had to go into a care home. The house was sold to pay the fees. They were both relatively young (late 60s/ early 70s). Thinking about it now, if she had continued living at home, my sisters and I might have needed to fund repairs/ maintenance as time went on.

MIL once mentioned to me that she and FIL gave her parents some money every month towards bills, and she gave her sister (who lived near GPIL and did a lot of day-to-day help) some ‘petrol money’ as she took GPIL shopping, to the doctors etc. Thinking about it, DH and I might be expected to do something similar for PIL in the future. They are mortgage free but live a more expensive life than my parents did (two cars, costly hobby, trips abroad), and I don’t think their pensions are as good as my parents. BIL & SIL live near them, and helped out when MIL had an operation a few years (lifts to appointments, cooking meals etc). I can see them taking on more care in the future. As we’re not nearby, it would be only fair to help out financially instead if needed.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 27/05/2021 15:23

The older generation will either have money or not . If they have money they will use this to care for themselves and if not they will get state help . Our culture doesn't expect us to care foe the elderly and I won't be caring for my mum. . I will manage her care of course but won't be doing it and the money will come from her estate .

bananapumpkin · 27/05/2021 15:39

Yes, because we have a lot more money than them. I know if I had needed it they would have helped with a deposit for my house or similar, so I think it's right that I do the equivalent for them. And it's just natural to want to help loved ones where you can. I don't think most people would expect it and I certainly don't think people should feel guilty if they can't.

To be clear, I am thinking about relatively expensive one-off things like having a stairlift installed, getting an orthopaedic bed, converting the bathroom into a wetroom or whatever they need. I agree with others that an ongoing cost like a nursing home would have to be covered from their own assets and/or state funding.

purplecrane · 27/05/2021 16:13

@bananapumpkin and if they had no assets or state funding?

jellybe · 27/05/2021 16:16

No. My parents have budgeted for this. We have discussed the possibility of them moving in with us if they need to in the future but that would involve them and use selling houses and buying something bigger together.

Just like when I'm old I wouldn't expect my kids to budget to support me that is what my pensions are for.

Tigger85 · 27/05/2021 16:20

No they are significantly more wealthy than us and always will be, I'm more concerned with dealing with debt and trying to put some money away for DS in the future.

countrygirl99 · 27/05/2021 16:20

[quote purplecrane]@bananapumpkin and if they had no assets or state funding?[/quote]
In what circumstances do you think there will be no state funding for a nursing home if there is a need but no assets?

purplecrane · 27/05/2021 16:23

@huuuuunnnndderrricks the observation that our culture doesn't expect us to care for the elderly is a very sad one and something I think is very wrong with modern western capitalist societies.

purplecrane · 27/05/2021 16:24

@bananapumpkin in my parents' case. No assets. No state benefits or funding in the country where they live.

purplecrane · 27/05/2021 16:25

This thread is not all about boomer parents and millenial children btw! I am the child in this case and I am (just) a boomer.

purplecrane · 27/05/2021 16:38

Sorry this explanation should have been to @countrygirl99

My parents do not live in the UK. There are no state benefits/funding where they live.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 27/05/2021 16:42

@purplecrane maybe but my mum has enough money to pay for exceptional care and I will of course manage this and make sure she has the best help money can buy . I don't want to waste my best years caring and I'm not ashamed to say that !.
I actually see many people I know caring for their parents to save spending their inheritance which is gives me the ick.. I don't think that's particularly unique either !

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 27/05/2021 16:43

[quote purplecrane]@huuuuunnnndderrricks the observation that our culture doesn't expect us to care for the elderly is a very sad one and something I think is very wrong with modern western capitalist societies.[/quote]
There is massive variance in other countries but do you honestly think that many people in the UK can actually afford to budget to help pay for elderly care?

I would love to be that well off in the future to help my parents if necessary but it is highly, highly unlikely. As it goes, my parents aren't likely to need financial help from me. But I'm a single parent- my children are primary aged and I'm already wondering how on earth I will be able to help them in life. There will be nothing financially I can do for my parents!

They are (just) boomer generation and I'm bang in the middle of the millennial generation. I won't have the money but they mean the world to me and have helped me so much so I want to do anything I can to help them when they get older. Surely love and support are far more important than any financial contribution.

purplecrane · 27/05/2021 16:45

I am not individually criticising anyone who cannot afford to support their parents financially, just bemoaning the structure of a society where this is the norm.

StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 27/05/2021 16:45

[quote huuuuunnnndderrricks]@purplecrane maybe but my mum has enough money to pay for exceptional care and I will of course manage this and make sure she has the best help money can buy . I don't want to waste my best years caring and I'm not ashamed to say that !.
I actually see many people I know caring for their parents to save spending their inheritance which is gives me the ick.. I don't think that's particularly unique either ![/quote]
I agree with this too though actually and so do my parents! I want to help and support them but I don't want to be their actual 'cater' and hell would freeze over before my mum allowed me to do that!

I'm sure that I won't be able to anyway- like I said I'm a single parent- I won't ever re-marry- I will need to work so how could I be a carer whilst having to work full time?