To ask if you budget for this??

[goldenfoldies]

Do/did/will you budget for helping out your parents in their old age/retirement?

If so how much?

I have name changed for this and am looking to settle an argument with someone. Won't say which side I'm on just yet. But just curious as to what others think/do?

Not typical in English culture; yes in many other less wealthy economies where you can’t build a good enough pension.

We've bought a house big enough to accommodate them in old age if necessary and plan to extend up so DS still has his own space. However they both say that's not our job and we have enough on our plates with working and a young child. They would both be able to afford care should they need it, they have a house, pensions and savings and we aren't a monied family, both of my parents left school at 14 with no more than a secretarial qualification between them. I would never expect DS to care for me in old age

No. They have budgeted for their old age and I am budgeting for my own.

I come from a culture where it is expected, and full responsibility of looking after parents is in the children.

I agree with this in the whole, but luckily both mothers are financially able to live independently at the moment. However, if required we would move them in.

The multigenerational model generally works. Unless you're in a Pandemic.

If you're in a position to help and your parents find themselves in dire straits, it would take a lot off their minds, but generally I'd say no. You could always save regularly in a separate account and then the money is there for them or for you if you need it.

No.
I don't have the best relationship with them, and have had to work to repair damage done to my own credit score by them.
They have made questionable financial (and other) decisions throughout their life, so I feel they should have to live with the end results.
It is only by viewing it this way (that I have no control over their actions and the resulting consequences) that our relationship has had a chance to improve.
Our focus is very much on us and our DC future and saving for them. If that sounds heartless then so be it.

No, although my parents are from a culture where you practically live with them until you marry and care for them.

However, my parents came here about 60 years ago, worked shitty, but hard factory jobs. They’ve saved money for any care they may need and funeral costs. They benefitted from cheaper housing and their own parents leaving them property. They are very clear that they don’t want us to pay for anything like that.

My husband and I will do the same for our children, where possible.

No, but I’m also not banking on any inheritance. They have a property/ savings of their own (not minter but sensible) but it could well go on care.

Both my parents have no assets and very little money. I could nowhere near afford to fund both their care if needed, and it's complicated by the fact my dad has a wife (who also has no assets).

So no, probably not. We did discuss having my mum move in with us one day but she doesn't want that having done the same with my grandma, and neither do I, really.

No I can barely finance my own life let alone theirs unfortunately

I am 8 years off retirement- having been a single Mum to 4 and consistently poor until very recently I will only have state pension and some savings.
If any of my children tried to give me money I would give it straight back.
Their money is theirs IMO.

No, not financially. My widowed mother owns her home outright, has low outgoings and savings.

What we have budgeted for as a family is that we all give her more of our time, eg small jobs in the house and garden, taking her out socially, accompanying her to medical appointments, etc. She is nearly 90.

I'm an oldie and it never occurred to me that my children might do this.
I wouldn't want them to feel financially responsible for me at all.

No. In UK culture, money goes down, not up.

No. My parents benefited from buying a house cheaply that then went on to increase in value by 2,200%! They also had savings that benefited from interest rates of 13%. I don't expect to get any inheritance from them as it will all go in care home fees. But I seriously don't expect to fund them from my self-employed, no pension, no job security, massive mortgage finances when they had it all so easy!

No, but we did buy a house that has a granny flat in case any one of our parents needs to come live with us.

[quote WeWantAMackerelNotASprat]@OppsUpsSide I hate people who state that they'd never bin people off in a home. How lucky that you don't have a parent with dementia who needs 24 hour care and not enough space at home to look after them or ability due to working etc. It's not binning them off it's giving them the best care. It's really offensive and rude what you are saying, a care home doesn't mean you don't care 🙄[/quote]
Thank you for this.
My parents both ended up needing 24 hour care due to dementia., and 1 of them also had complex physical disabilities. I had a mental breakdown before I admitted defeat in trying to look after my parent, my own family and work.
They ended up with the remainder of their life being of a better quality as I wasn’t doing the caring and we were able to do things together which we couldn’t have done if I was still doing the caring

No. I am already concerned about being able to afford my own old age so this has never even crossed my mind. My parents are quite well off though so it has never been a concern to me.

I will be there for them time-wise though. I have seen the amount of time they have spent with their own parents towards the end of their lives and I expect that to become part of my future too.

Not really. I saved the money saved by them doing childcare for us in case they needed it, but they didn’t and they passed away in their sixties just after retirement and before any financial needs came up. They had saved themselves for any expected needs.

No we didn't budget, my MIL moved in with us for end of life care. She was with us for 3 months and was stationed in our living room and mostly bed ridden for that time. Would I do it again, yes absolutely.

Would I do it for my parents and my FIL and step MIL, of course I would.

No I haven't, but my Parent has made it clear they have.

It does seem clear that the point is that many people would not do this because they are less well-off than their parents, which is absolutely fair enough. But if it is massively the other way round, surely whatever culture you come from, it changes things completely. That's why I understand of course people saying we can't afford it, but some people seem to see it as a matter of principle, which I don't get. Why should money go "down not up" in families?

@DinosaurDiana, I hope you’ve made it clear to SS that in that case you will hold them entirely responsible if any harm comes to him. E.g. he sets the house on fire through forgetting something on the hob, and than can’t get out because he can’t remember how to unlock the door/has hidden the key and can’t remember where, etc.

Or else goes wandering off on a cold night in unsuitable clothes, can’t remember how to get home (has no key anyway) and develops hypothermia.

Neither situation is remotely unlikely once dementia is past the very early stages - and it can get worse quite quickly. My DM did set fire to her kitchen, but luckily she was still at the stage where she could remember to ring Dbro (but not 999 for the fire brigade.).

[quote GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]**@DinosaurDiana, I hope you’ve made it clear to SS that in that case you will hold them entirely responsible if any harm comes to him. E.g. he sets the house on fire through forgetting something on the hob, and than can’t get out because he can’t remember how to unlock the door/has hidden the key and can’t remember where, etc.

Or else goes wandering off on a cold night in unsuitable clothes, can’t remember how to get home (has no key anyway) and develops hypothermia.

Neither situation is remotely unlikely once dementia is past the very early stages - and it can get worse quite quickly. My DM did set fire to her kitchen, but luckily she was still at the stage where she could remember to ring Dbro (but not 999 for the fire brigade.).[/quote]
Yes we have.
Apparently bringing strangers in off the street because he can’t change the TV channel etc is OK, and not a reason to go into care.
This is one of many risk taking things he’s done which are apparently OK.

No, I understand some people can and will but many can’t. Supporting 1 household can be a struggle then there are those who also support children at university/starting out as the loans can be based on household incomes, to then add ageing parents so basically a 3rd household to support would take more than a lot of peoples wages. Then to try and save up for your own old age/retirement and any unforeseen expenses, I know very few who could do it at all never mind long term.
Time is something we will do as much as possible (currently something we are dealing with on both sides of the family actually) but the expectations are so high that something has to give for everyone’s sanity.