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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
DearFrutti · 26/05/2021 23:17

You are moving 25 mins away. If he misses his friends he can visit them on the weekends and in the holidays. But I'm pretty sure once he's settled in his new school and made new friends he won't be too bothered.

Zzelda · 26/05/2021 23:26

Plus, in general I imagine it’s not very practical to have your child in a school that’s down the motorway and in a different county to the one you live in

If you could drive it would be perfectly practicable, but I accept that there are good reasons why you can't.

Honestly, there is no reason to assume your child will be unhappy in the long run. Of course no child will welcome the prospect of moving schools but plenty do it with no adverse consequences, and you can make arrangements for him to keep in touch with his current friends as long as he wants to.

I moved schools when I was around 9 and thought I'd be devastated at leaving, in particular, my best friend. I carried on writing to her (it was a long, long time ago) but that petered out. It turned out that I went to university near where she lived, met up with her again and was invited to stay. I can honestly say that I found her unbelievably boring (and she probably felt the same about me) and we never met up again. All of which is a roundabout way of saying that your primary school friends are rarely your friends for life and your son won't be losing out.

Ravenspeckingearly · 26/05/2021 23:33

OP my kids are going to their 4th school in 5 years in sept. They are both fine and looking forward to making new friends. It’s how you sell it.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 26/05/2021 23:34

Taxis are expensive, but I’d look into employing a regular driver before moving school and home. Or at least do this for a few months while you check you actually enjoy the job.

Faevern · 26/05/2021 23:37

There will be many what if and sliding door moments for your family, it can help build resilience. You could be agonising over what if I don’t take this dream job? I do think it’s natural to want to sacrifice our own needs for our children, it’s mother’s angst, but it’s not always the right decision.

KBILLY · 26/05/2021 23:40

Take the job! Would your DH have thought twice about it?

He's seven; he'll adapt and he'll be fine.

As an aside - for a number of reasons we recently moved towns and all three of my kids have changed schools. Youngest is seven. It will be fine!

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/05/2021 23:46

So you could get license back but may lose it again - assume epileptic ?

A taxi both ways is costly

Could dh take you one day or does he leave very early

Look at car sharing

Paying someone to take and pick you up

I would take the job. If you love it look at moving

You are unlikely to sell and buy in Weeks so would need to work our travel till you moved , if you did

Zzelda · 26/05/2021 23:51

What are you planning by way of child care? Could you employ someone who can also take your son to school?

bunnybutts · 26/05/2021 23:52

Take the job. At 7 it should be fine to move schools. My two adapted well and they were a bit older.

lockdownalli · 26/05/2021 23:57

I don't think I would move in your situation.

Is there any chance you could work from home three or more days a week?

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 26/05/2021 23:59

Plenty of children move schools in primary. House moves, divorce, relocation, independent schools etc. This really is a good age to move them. He might meet a friend he clicks with more than he ever has with before. It's really hard to balance family priorities but he really won't be scarred by a move now.
You can set up console or Skype chats plus weekend meet ups if there's someone he really misses.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/05/2021 00:04

It is a pay rise and it will open so many doors and career opportunities for me - I’m just so overwhelmed by this chance that I still can’t quite believe it’s happening

Imposter syndrome.

Your husband had an immediate answer quite possibly because he doesn't suffer from it. I've never had a man hesitate to take an opportunity/promotion I've offered. Its only the women who worry about the family impact to this extent.

Take the job, work out the logistics once confirmed. At 7 DS will adapt to another school and make new friends. He is still close enough to see old friends at weekends so longer term - double friends. If you really don't want to move him then look for nanny/childcare to do the transport and some wraparound.

TheCrowening · 27/05/2021 00:07

@ThornAmongstRoses

All I keep thinking is what if he’s really unhappy and it will be my fault. It’s a horrible feeling.
Do you not think that he would equally want you to be happy and not to one day find out that you could’ve had this dream opportunity and turned it down because of him?

He’s young. He will adapt. He can make friends anywhere but he only has one mum and he needs you to be happy too.

safclass · 27/05/2021 00:10

We moved house, not far but different county when our son was finishing yr 3. Started y4 in the new school in the sept. He did a couple of visits in the july. He did have a coupke if weeks where he was uncertain (me and him had also been living at my parents so quite a big loss). He was fine. Personally i feel its easier on. Them to move in primary rather than secondary.
I say do it x

WonkyCactus · 27/05/2021 00:11

I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

Is all this angst not a bit premature if you haven't even had an interview yet? Maybe I'm an old cynic, but I would take anything I had been "told" with a pinch of salt at this stage.

But anyway. Your son will settle in fine at a new school. If he has to.

VestaTilley · 27/05/2021 00:12

If the new job is only 15 miles away I don’t understand why you can’t keep your son in his current school. Do you drive?

Ordinarily I’d say take the job and move school, but in your situation I say take the job and keep him at his current school. 15 miles is not far away.

me4real · 27/05/2021 00:17

I would do it. Lots of kids move house and change schools and are ok.

Or do you think you could learn to drive @ThornAmongstRoses ? It's never been for me, I'm too anxious/unconfident, but a lot of people do it.

You could do something else while you're learning, the annoying public transport etc, then pass your test and get a car. But if it's not for you I completely understand, and some people have health problems that mean they can't.

HoppingPavlova · 27/05/2021 00:17

Take the job. It’s a very adaptable age for kids. He’ll be sad for a week and miss his friends and then a few weeks in it will be like he was always there and he’ll be fine.

steff13 · 27/05/2021 00:18

The a OP can't drive due to medical reasons.

Musication · 27/05/2021 00:30

Take the job. Moving a 7 year old is not a big deal - short term pain he will make new friends and will barely remember his old school.
We've done the expat circuit and our children have moved a couple of times - we're just about to do our last move back to the UK at 6 and 8 and we're not moving again. But they've been fine, they are fine, as long as you support them and are excited for them about their new school.

Hurr8cane84 · 27/05/2021 00:33

He's 7. By the time he's 11 he'll have a completely different circle of friends anyway. People move with their children all the time and not just to another county. He has a loving stable family, that's what matters the most.

subbysammiexoxo · 27/05/2021 00:34

It's the perfect age to move, take the job, no one is friends with people from when they are 7

subbysammiexoxo · 27/05/2021 00:36

My younger sister got moved primary schools in year 2 when my parents moved house and she was anxious for about 4 weeks and now going upto secondary school she's moving with most of her class to the local villages secondary and remembers like one person from her original primary school because they are a family friend

starrynight21 · 27/05/2021 01:09

My kids moved several times because of my DH's work. They always said how they'd miss their friends, etc, and then after a few weeks they'd have new friends and chug along very happily. At 7 your son will adapt really easily. Good luck.

QuestPerSay · 27/05/2021 01:12

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