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Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
QuestPerSay · 27/05/2021 01:26

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PyongyangKipperbang · 27/05/2021 01:35

You just dont know though do you?

You could stay and in September some beast joins his class and bullies him so bad you change schools anyway! I know that is a worst case scenario but it happens. Or you could move and he could find he actually fits in better at his new school. It happens!

What you DO know is that this job is good for you and your family. You know that this chance is unlikely to come up again (you said that you thought it would never happen) so grab it!

As long as you are a strong family then you will get through this. A lot of families move a hell of a lot further than that and for less reward, and they get through it. So will you.

And bribery helps.....maybe a "But when mummy starts her new job we can afford to go to X holiday place/get a dog/buy a PS10,000 or whatever" Word to the wise Wink

OwlBeThere · 27/05/2021 01:58

He’s plenty young enough to move, don’t give up a dream job.

Ericaequites · 27/05/2021 02:13

Walking 15 miles to work each way daily is not an option.

eatsleepread · 27/05/2021 02:36

Go for it, for sure. Your son will be fine.

SnoopsCaliforniaRoll · 27/05/2021 02:40

Please take the job @ThornAmongstRoses - how often do opportunities like this come up, if ever?!

Your DS will be absolutely fine.

Happyhappyday · 27/05/2021 02:46

He’s 7, just move, stop being a martyr. You can’t play what if with every life choice. What if he stays at this school & a new kid comes into his class and bullies him & you think “oh gosh, if only I’d moved schools”. You can’t protect him from everything & in fact change helps to make kids more resilient.

grapewine · 27/05/2021 03:34

Is all this angst not a bit premature if you haven't even had an interview yet? Maybe I'm an old cynic, but I would take anything I had been "told" with a pinch of salt at this stage.

Agree. Dial it back until you've been offered the job. Then move. He'll be fine. Point well made from PPs saying your husband didn't think twice.

OwlBeThere · 27/05/2021 04:20

@QuestPerSay

^Kids are not resilient. They thrive on routine and changes are hard for them. They survive huge disruption, but it is what it is - a huge disruption Anyone who uses the 'kids are resilient/adaptable'' line is likely trying to justify disrupting their lives at the expense of their kids^

Rubbish. Just absolute rubbish, and really really unfair to try and guilt trip OP.

I'm not trying to guilt trip her. I'm trying to get her to consider it fro the wrench that it is/could be.

People are saying things like 'it's the perfect age - they'll be fine' - as though it has anything to do with age rather than the friendships etc that her child has formed. As someone whose best friend moved schools due to a house move when I was 8, I can tell you that I was devastated. I felt bereaved. The 'children are resilient' line is just as crass as saying to someone who just lost a relationship 'Ah, never mind, plenty more fish in the sea, eh?!'
Children value their friendships, even where their parents don't notice them. It's not something to be taken lightly (not saying the OP is, but I cannot bear the 'children are resilient' line as an excuse).

Where as I moved when I was 7 and I barely remember the kids from before and made new ones fast. Children ARE adaptable on the whole, some are not obviously, but it’s far easier to move a 7 yo than a 15 yo for instance.
TheoMeo · 27/05/2021 04:21

DS had a new boy join his class last week.
It happens all the time. Parents have to move for work.

Tudorblue · 27/05/2021 04:23

If it helps, I was a force’s child and my children are now forces children and have moved schools multiple times. They are fine. I’m fine. It is quite exciting moving to a new school.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 27/05/2021 04:25

This is just mad, children change schools all the time. I moved my kid to Oz when he was 11, it was the making of him!

FrankGrillosFloof · 27/05/2021 04:32

Goodness me, dramatic much?

subbysammiexoxo · 27/05/2021 04:32

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Dita73 · 27/05/2021 04:36

It depends what sort of child he is. I was 8 when my parents changed my school. I was a very sensitive/anxious child and it didn’t end well. I swore when I had children that I’d never do that to them. Having said that,if he’s confident he could love it

timeisnotaline · 27/05/2021 04:44

@QuestPerSay

^Kids are not resilient. They thrive on routine and changes are hard for them. They survive huge disruption, but it is what it is - a huge disruption Anyone who uses the 'kids are resilient/adaptable'' line is likely trying to justify disrupting their lives at the expense of their kids^

Rubbish. Just absolute rubbish, and really really unfair to try and guilt trip OP.

I'm not trying to guilt trip her. I'm trying to get her to consider it fro the wrench that it is/could be.

People are saying things like 'it's the perfect age - they'll be fine' - as though it has anything to do with age rather than the friendships etc that her child has formed. As someone whose best friend moved schools due to a house move when I was 8, I can tell you that I was devastated. I felt bereaved. The 'children are resilient' line is just as crass as saying to someone who just lost a relationship 'Ah, never mind, plenty more fish in the sea, eh?!'
Children value their friendships, even where their parents don't notice them. It's not something to be taken lightly (not saying the OP is, but I cannot bear the 'children are resilient' line as an excuse).

But children are resilient to normal life changes. A supportive family who listen to their fears but present the opportunity as positive and exciting is what they need. Not the promise their best friend will love them forever, no one can control that kind of stuff at primary school. You move, they move, they hate each other, one gets cancer and dies. Don’t keep your child’s life static in the hope everything else in it stays static and they never have to adjust to change, thats doing them no favours at all.
Wallywobbles · 27/05/2021 04:48

My kids moved school twice at 6/7 and 10/11. Absolutely fine both times.

Can't believe you're putting all your angst on you 7 yo. Seriously precious.

CrumpetyTea · 27/05/2021 05:07

i do have some sympathy. We moved countries because of my job (necessary rather than dream job) and I do/did feel really bad about moving DS who was 8 at the time. But your DS can still see his friends- playdates are possible; Everything else in his life is still basically the same. You can make it easier for him by making sure his new school is good.supportive and also by selling it to him. My DS has struggled a bit as his new school is not great and he doesn't really like it- but i also feel if we had been more positive about it this may have helped.

Cormoran · 27/05/2021 05:20

as @CrumpetyTea focus on the good, not the bad. New home, bigger room he can decorate as he wants to, with a bunk bed so he can have his old friends over for playdates, ....
It is life. Sometimes we have to make changes, but changes are good.

It is normal to want to protect and shield our children from hard times, but the earlier they learn, the better.
In the long run, you will regret not taking the job , @ThornAmongstRoses especially the day he will slam his bedroom door as a teenager .

The happiness of a family comes from balance and kids adapt. We have five countries, different languages, school system and even time zones. And he would have to change school in 3 Years anyway

drpet49 · 27/05/2021 05:37

* I wouldn't pull a kid out of a good school that they are happy and thriving in, not for my own needs.*

^I agree with this. I wouldn’t do it. I also think that you aren’t as keen on this new job and you think you are.

Frenchfancy · 27/05/2021 05:49

This is mothers guilt, and possibly an example of why men end up in higher positions/better paid jobs than women. It sounds like you have a lovely supportive DH.

Take the job!

facemaskhate · 27/05/2021 05:54

@ThornAmongstRoses

If it's not far away why does he have to move schools?

I say not far away in terms of it’s only a 25 minute drive, but it’s about 15 miles away and in a different county to the one we live in now.

Why can't you just commute
PRsecrets · 27/05/2021 06:16

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PRsecrets · 27/05/2021 06:18

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Birminghambloke · 27/05/2021 06:19

Your son will be fine and will adapt very easily. A school at the age of 7 is not a factor that impacts taking a dream job. He’ll be Y2 or Y3 now so only another 3/4 years there anyway! Definitely take the job!

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